Hardy Breeds
by sweeet-as-honey
Summary: Sequel to Taylor-Made and Clement Weather. Ethan returns to work following a breakdown, but he's soon under pressure again, with Lily needing his support and Taylor about to walk back into his life. Cal finally seems to be putting his disastrous relationship with Honey behind him when a new lady comes into his life.
1. Chapter 1

_This is the sequel to Taylor-Made and Clement Weather. It will be similar style to Taylor-Made and will show the next stage in Ethan's relationship with Taylor, as well as a new romance for Cal. It begins 4-5 weeks after the end of Series 29 (Zoe's wedding). I hope you will enjoy reading this story._

* * *

Cal sat beside Ethan and peered into his face. One arm went around his little brother's shoulders and the other stroked his arm. Ethan blinked a couple of times before turning to face Cal and trying to smile. He had so many reasons to smile at his brother and the fact it was difficult was no excuse not to try.

After all, it had been a difficult few weeks for Cal too. They'd both failed FCEM – Cal getting only one mark more than Ethan - and Cal had also had his heart bruised again, if not actually broken. Ethan was secretly relieved that Honey was no longer at the ED, having left to open her own salon with a very large chunk of Noel's money. Ethan knew a part of Cal had been relieved to see her go, but he'd felt more deeply for Honey than anyone. Ethan believed Cal when he said he no longer loved Honey, but the experience had clearly affected him and he wasn't over her yet.

Ethan could tell from the fact that Cal had displayed absolutely no interest in any other woman.

He didn't even seem interested in a rebound relationship, though over the last few weeks, he'd had little time for anything but Ethan.

Cal patted Ethan's arm gently. "You don't have to go to work today if you don't want to, Ethan. I'm sure everyone would understand if you needed to take the day off. It's been a tough week."

Ethan shook his head and sighed. "Cal, I've just taken three whole weeks off and had one week part-time. I've only been back full-time for four days. The last thing I should be needing is another day off."

Cal took Ethan's hand in his own. The gesture was no longer awkward. Ethan had lost count of the number of times Cal had held his hand; held him in his arms; just been there.

He knew he'd never forget all the support Cal had given him, despite having to cope with his own exam failure. When Ethan had still been working, Cal had nearly worn himself out seeing to Ethan's patients as well as his own and also somehow managing to spend time in the staff room supporting Ethan through his latest mini-breakdown. When Ethan was signed off, Cal had phoned him throughout the day and then spent hours with him once he got home. Talking to him; listening to him; distracting him... whatever he felt Ethan needed.

Even now, when Ethan was back at work and officially better, Cal was still here. Still looking after Ethan and showing himself to be a much better doctor than anyone realised. A doctor who deserved to be a consultant - and Ethan believed he would be.

Ethan couldn't feel the same way about himself. He still hated himself for falling apart, especially at a time when so many other people were struggling. Dylan's boat had caught fire and he'd suffered severe burns. Zoe had nearly drowned, weighed down by her wedding dress as she'd tried to swim to safety. Charlie had been wonderful but had later collapsed with a heart attack. They'd so nearly lost him.

Not forgetting there had also been explosions of a different kind: Zoe's confession that she'd slept with another man on her hen night had ended her marriage to Max before it had begun.

All Ethan had done was fail an exam and got a letter from his ex.

But now he was finally back and the others were also gradually returning to work too. Dylan had come back a couple of weeks ago, though like Ethan, he was being kept on minors. Zoe had also recently returned after recovering physically and mentally from her ordeal. Charlie wasn't back yet, but Ethan knew he had every intention of returning, which was more than any of them had dared hoped for at one time.

Everyone was getting back to normal again.

Ethan could only hope that included him. He wanted more than anything to be Dr Hardy again. The serious and geeky but (he hoped) kind and unflappable doctor who always did whatever he could to help every patient.

"Ethan, if you need to take the day off, that's fine," said Cal. "No-one will think any less of you. You've done really well. Mrs Beauchamp is really impressed by how well you're coping. So am I. And you've been supporting Lily too…"

Ethan nodded as more sadness washed over him. Lily had been having a much more difficult time than lately - and she hadn't needed to take any days off. She'd started mentoring a new F2, Alicia, who seemed more than promising but the complete opposite of Lily. Then, about a week ago, Lily had been given the news that her father was seriously ill.

"Lily is part of the reason why I need to be there," said Ethan. He hated to think of Lily struggling alone, trying her best to be a good mentor to Alicia whilst knowing that bad news could come at any time.

"Lily will be okay," said Cal. "I'll be there and I'll look out for her. I know it's tough for her, especially with Little Miss Sunshine to deal with, but she's a strong girl. She knows she's got support and I'm sure she can handle this."

"And you think I can't?" said Ethan with some bitterness.

"I think you almost certainly can," said Cal. "But your situation is different from Lily's. She's having a tough time, but she isn't ill. You are – or at least you're convalescent. You're probably not at full strength yet, though you're getting closer every day." He paused and then his voice shook slightly with emotion. "But you're my little brother, Ethan, and even the smallest chance of you not being able to handle it scares me to death."

Ethan didn't know if he was more grateful for Cal's support or gutted his brother had doubts about him.

He tried to smile at Cal. He did his best to sound reassuring. "I'll be okay. I really do feel almost back to normal now. I really do think that getting on with my work is the best thing I can do."

* * *

Ethan could tell from the droop of Lily's shoulders that there had been no good news. He glanced at Cal and, without sharing a word, both brothers ran to catch up with their friend.

"Hey," said Ethan softly, putting a gentle hand on Lily's arm.

"Hi," said Lily. Her face was blank, as it usually was at work. Only Cal and Ethan knew of the emotion she was trying to conceal – and that was the way Lily wanted it. "How are you?"

Ethan actually felt quite wobbly, but he didn't want to worry Lily – or Cal – by saying so. "A bit tired, but okay. Thank you."

Lily scanned his face. "Perhaps you shouldn't have come today. Going from part-time to full-time is always a challenge after illness." She didn't look particularly worried about him. She didn't look anything but blank. But Ethan knew she cared. She always made the effort to ask after him and to listen to his replies – not just hearing the words but trying to understand how he really felt.

"Thank you, Lily, but I think I'll be okay," said Ethan. "I always did feel a bit tired after working for four days. I really think I'm getting back into the swing of things now."

"Okay," said Lily. "If you're sure."

"I'm sure," said Ethan. "But thank you. I really appreciate your support."

Lily nodded and lowered her voice slightly before saying: "And I really appreciate yours."

" I… I don't suppose you've had any news?" said Ethan tentatively.

It took Lily a moment or two to answer. "I spoke to my mother last night. There is no change."

Ethan squeezed her shoulder. He hated the fact he didn't know what to say. After all, he'd been in a similar position just over eighteen months ago - though at least in Lily's father's case, there was some hope. Ethan had known for some time that his mother's illness was terminal.

But he knew Lily's hopes were fading. She was a doctor. She understood illness.

"I hope you get some good news soon," said Cal awkwardly. "Listen. If you're finding Alicia a bit much, I'm more than happy to take her off your hands for a bit."

"Yes. I believe you would, Dr Knight," said Lily – but without the spirit she would usually have shown.

Cal gave a slightly embarrassed smile. It was quickly hidden, but Ethan still saw it. Nevertheless, he believed Cal when he said: "I didn't mean it like that. I really do want to help."

"I know," said Lily. "Thank you, Cal. I appreciate it. I think the best thing for me is to throw myself into my work, as Ethan is doing."

Ethan squeezed her shoulder again. "If it does get too much, or if you need a break or if you just need to talk, all you have to do is phone or text me and I'll be with you as soon as I can."

Lily turned to look at him and almost smiled. "Thank you, Ethan. I appreciate how kind you are. Both of you. And if you need a break, Ethan, I imagine you will want to be with Cal, but I am here for you too." They entered the ED. "Excuse me. I must speak to Mrs Beauchamp."

"Are you going to tell her?" asked Ethan. He hoped so. Lily had been struggling, particularly with mentoring Alicia, but only he and Cal knew the explanation for it. Ethan was sure Connie would support Lily if she knew what was wrong, but Lily preferred to keep her personal life separate from her work.

"No, I am not," said Lily. "I do not wish to make excuses. Mrs Beauchamp asked me to see her to update her on Alicia's progress. I will see you later."


	2. Chapter 2

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I thought that as Lily had become much closer to the brothers in Clement Weather, she would have confided in them about their father. I enjoy writing scenes slightly differently rather than just copying from the episodes all the time.

 **westlife4ever80** , I hope you won't cry too much, though I hope the story will be emotional. I think some of the characters might cry a few times too! But that won't come as a surprise, considering I'm writing it. Thank you for your review. I'm really happy you like the first chapter.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. Honey does like using men as banks, at least in this series of stories. Ethan is very kind and I imagine Lily has been supporting him a lot, so I'm sure he'd want to support her, especially as he's lost at least one parent too.

 **InfinityAndOne** , if anyone else went through what Ethan is going through, I think Ethan would be the first to offer support and tell them how well they've done (and he probably has said similar to Cal), but it's so difficult to apply the same reasoning to yourself. Thank you for your review - I'm really glad you like this so far.

 _Thank you to **Starlight Inspirit** and **Gingersnaps2507** for the follows and **InfinityAndOne** for the favourite._

* * *

Ethan watched her go, feeling close to tears. "I wish she'd tell Mrs Beauchamp. I'm sure she'd understand."

Cal looked thoughtful. "Maybe _we_ could tell her," he said as they began the walk to the staff room.

Ethan turned to his brother, shocked. "Of course we can't! It's not our place."

"It is okay to express a concern about a colleague," said Cal. "That's what happened when Dylan was ill. Zoe or Rita or someone expressed a concern. I think it was the same with Ash. It's not just Lily who's affected by this. It's her patients – and Alicia too. I'm really not sure Lily should be mentoring her."

Despite his worry, Ethan managed a smile. "You seem very concerned about Alicia."

"I'm concerned about both of them," said Cal, his expression serious. "Lily isn't in the best frame of mind for mentoring… though show me a doctor who _is_ at the moment!"

Ethan said nothing. He couldn't help thinking Cal was right, but he seemed disloyal to Lily to say so out loud.

"I mean, it's not Lily's fault," said Cal. "What she's going through is terrible. _We_ know that. But no-one else does so they can't make allowances for her. I don't want her to end up like you and Dylan."

Ethan frowned. "Thank you, Caleb."

"You know what I mean. Struggling for a while," said Cal. "And I do think she's being a bit too hard on Alicia."

"She thinks Alicia doesn't approach the job seriously enough," said Ethan. "And I can see where she's coming from. Alicia is very cheerful and bouncy."

Cal smirked. "Yeah, I've seen her bouncing."

Ethan glared at him, though a smile wasn't far away. He knew Cal wasn't as disrespectful of women as he pretended. He just liked to play up to his own image. "You know that's not what I mean. But Lily is very serious and introverted and Alicia is completely the opposite. So it's difficult for Lily. Especially now."

"But you can't think the way she treats Alicia is okay," said Cal.

Ethan sighed. "I do think perhaps she's getting towards being borderline-not-okay." He changed the subject. He didn't like discussing Lily behind her back, particularly not at work where there was always a chance of being overheard. "So, are you going to ask her out?"

Cal stared at him. "Who?"

"Alicia."

"No, of course not!" said Cal. "She's not my type. Are you going to ask Lily out?"

"You know I don't feel like that about Lily," said Ethan.

"And I don't feel like that about Alicia," said Cal.

Ethan looked at him, rather concerned.

"What? A man can enjoy the view without wanting anything else," said Cal.

"A man can," said Ethan, as they entered the staff room. "But we're talking about _you_ , Cal."

* * *

"Ethan!" Cal approached Ethan with a heap of files, which he dropped beside Ethan at reception. "I'm just going to escort Mrs Burke to St James'. Could you, er, take over my other patients, please?"

Ethan had to admit this was an improvement of his former method of dropping the files in Ethan's arms and rushing off, but that didn't change what Cal was doing. "Oh, sure!" he said. "You enjoy your ride in the big ambulance. We'll just do all the hard work."

Cal smiled. "I think I'll be the one doing 'hard' work if I 'have a ride' in the ambulance!"

Ethan sighed. "Oh, you're impossible. Fine. Go. It'll be worth it just to get rid of you." He dropped his head into his hands for a moment. He was coping, but it was difficult.

"Ethan?" Cal touched his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Ethan lifted his head from his hands. "I'm fine, Cal. I'm just not overly keen on the idea of doing all your work as well as my own."

Cal looked guilty. "You're right. I shouldn't have asked you. But I really do have to go. I suppose I could send another doctor in my place, but what reason could I give?"

"No. You go," said Ethan. "It's fine. It's not like you're running off on a booty call. Well, I assume not. I haven't seen Mrs Burke!"

"She's eighty-nine, but still quite bouncy!" Cal stroked Ethan's shoulder. "Listen. Forget about my patients. I'll ask Lily and Alicia to do it. There's two of them: they should be able to handle twice as many patients."

"Lily has enough to deal with at the moment," said Ethan. "And Zoe and Dylan have only just come back to work. I'll do it."

"You've only just come back to work too." Cal looked genuinely torn. "And I can't ask Mrs Beauchamp."

"Of course you can't," said Ethan. "It really is fine." He looked at the files in Cal's hands. "And it doesn't look like there are that many of them."

"No – a couple of them are waiting on blood results, but unless there's something very abnormal, I think they'll be good to go," said Cal. "One needs an ECG, which I didn't get around to arranging, but you can sort that out easily enough. One's waiting for an x-ray, but I'll probably be back before she gets the results." He looked at Ethan. "But if you can't handle it, just leave it and I'll deal with it when I come back. Okay?"

"Okay," said Ethan, but he knew he'd never be able to ignore Cal's patients. He was fairly sure Cal knew that as well.

Cal was about to leave when Noel shoved a tin in his face, rattling it as he invited Cal to make a donation for Jacob. Jacob was currently recovering on the wards after being shot and Noel was keen to buy the nurse some books to help pass the time.

Ethan waited for the inevitable moment when Cal asked to borrow money from him, but he was ashamed of his assumption when Cal immediately put a note in the tin.

"Oh, by the way, that cute new nurse in ITU was asking for your number," Noel told Cal. "Okay to pass it on?"

Ethan found he was looking almost hopefully at Cal. Not that he approved of Cal's old ways, but he would have loved to see Cal back to his old self. He loved the closeness between him and his brother and he appreciated the way Cal had looked after him when he'd been off work, but sometimes he wanted Cal to be more Cal.

"No. She's… probably not my type," said Cal, and went off to find his ambulance.

"What's wrong with Cal?" said Big Mac. "I thought all girls were his type."

Ethan tried to put things as delicately as he could, considering Honey's father was standing right in front of him. "He really cared about his last girlfriend and I think his standards are a lot higher now he knows how special a relationship can be. But I'm sure he'll find someone he likes soon enough."

* * *

Ethan was in the middle of speaking to one of Cal's patients when the text came. As was often the case, the patients weren't all that pleased to have changed doctors, though Ethan had found most of them did calm down when he said Cal had decided to refer them to someone slightly more senior.

This patient had been successfully calmed by this ruse (which actually made Ethan feel more guilty every time he used it: after all, he was barely senior to Cal at all), but Ethan thought it would be as well not to check his phone until he'd discharged the patient.

It was probably only Cal anyway. It would do him good to wait!

Ethan made his diagnosis, handed the patient a prescription form and asked Max to take him up to the pharmacy. Only then did he read his text.

 _Ethan please can I speak to you?_

It was from Lily.

Guilt flooded through Ethan and he quickly phoned her.

"Ethan."

"Lily, I just got your text. Is everything all right?"

"Please meet me outside." Lily's voice was shaking. "I need to speak to you."

"Yes, of course," said Ethan. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

His heart was thudding as he hurried outside. He had a horrible feeling he knew what Lily was going to tell him

* * *

She was sitting on one of the benches, staring down at the ground. She barely lifted her head when Ethan approached.

Ethan sat beside her and took one of her hands in his. He didn't ask Lily what was wrong. He knew she would tell him when she was ready. He stroked her hand gently and waited.

"I heard from my mother," said Lily at last.

Ethan squeezed her hand.

"My father…" Lily's voice wobbled. She pressed her free hand to her mouth. "My father has died, Ethan."

Ethan felt an ache in his throat, but he knew he couldn't give in to his own emotions. "I'm so sorry, Lily."

Lily couldn't hold back a sob.

Ethan put his arm around her. Lily leaned his head against her shoulder. She had tears in her eyes and her lips were trembling, but she was clearly determined not to cry. "I… I knew it was a possibility, but not yet!"

"I'm so sorry," whispered Ethan. It felt like such an inadequate thing to say and he knew how little it helped.

Lily shook with another suppressed sob.

Ethan held her more tightly. He felt as though he ought to say something, but there was nothing he could say. He felt tears sting his eyes as Lily hid her face in his chest. He lifted a hand to stroke her hair.

He could tell she was still fighting it. So determined not to cry when she had every reason to. He wanted to tell her it was okay to be sad, but he knew she wouldn't agree. Lily only ever wanted to be professional.

"I'm here," he said, as the silence became almost physically painful.

Lily lifted her head, her eyes full of sadness. "I wanted so much for him to feel proud of me, Ethan. I remember when I first got the job at the ED. He took my hand, looked into my eyes and said: 'Make me proud, Lily'. It seemed such a small thing to ask of me, but I never managed to do it. And now I never will."


	3. Chapter 3

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I really hope Lily's father was always proud of her. Perhaps it's just not something he feels comfortable saying - my mum has always believed it's wrong to tell your children you're proud of them, but I've heard her telling other people she's proud of my sister.

 **InfinityAndOne** , I always wondered why Lily's mum told her when she was at work, but I expect she was upset and needed to talk to Lily. I wish Ethan had been there for her a bit more in the episodes, but he was distracted and probably will be again! Cal is going to be very caring in this story. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm really glad you feel Cal and Ethan are still themselves - I wasn't sure as Ethan is still very fragile and Cal is a lot more openly supportive. Ethan was perfect as he was, though I wouldn't want Cal to be more Ethan! I think Lily has done so well and with limited support too. Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , I love Cal's rudeness! The bits about 'having a ride' and 'hard stuff' were actually in the episode and neither of them seemed to realise there was an alternative interpretation, but I have a dirty mind, so it made me laugh and I had to do something with it. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I really hope you'll like where I take this - I will basically follow what happens in the episodes, but the fact it's Ethan and not Cal will mean things happen in different times and different ways. This is the episode where Tilly first appears, so it could happen!

 _Thank you to **Starlight-Inspirit** , **HolbyCityFanfics** and **X-Sammii-X** for the follows and favourites._

* * *

Cal was quite pleased when he arrived back from St James' to discover Ethan and Lily locked in an embrace. He'd been hoping for this for weeks. He was convinced that becoming involved with someone else would really help Ethan to get over Taylor, and he'd always thought Ethan and Lily would be a good match.

He approached slowly, a smile on his face. "You two look cosy!"

He realised as soon as Ethan looked at him that he'd misjudged the situation completely. Ethan looked upset and concerned. Lily was hiding her face.

Cal mentally swore at himself. "Something's happened, hasn't it?"

Ethan glanced at Lily and nodded.

"Is there anything I can do?" asked Cal awkwardly. "Tell me to go away if you want. But if I can help…"

Lily turned to face him. Her lips quivered slightly. "I have heard just now that my father has died."

"Oh God," said Cal. He sat beside Lily and gave her a hug. "I'm sorry, Lily."

Lily's lips trembled again and Cal thought she was going to break down, but she somehow composed herself. He admired her courage, but he knew how much she must be hurting. Ethan actually looked more upset than Lily, but Cal knew that a lot of Lily's calm, quiet confidence was a façade.

Never more so than now.

Cal wished there was something he could do, but he knew there was nothing. He knew how it felt. Even though Lily's relationship with her father had been more complicated and more volatile than his with his mother, he could remember how much it hurt.

But he knew she'd get the best support from Ethan. Lily was closer to Ethan and if she felt guilty for not being with him, Ethan was the one who knew how that felt.

* * *

"You should go home, Lily," said Ethan. Ten minutes or so had passed and Cal had, at Ethan's insistence, gone back to work. "No-one could expect you to work now. I went home after Mum died. I'll tell Mrs Beauchamp for you if you like."

"No." Lily sat up and brushed her fingertips under her eyes. "Thank you, but my father would have wished for me to continue working. He continued to work even when he was severely unwell. That is the kind of dedicated man he is… _was_." Her voice caught.

Ethan rubbed her shoulder.

"That is the kind of dedicated woman I want to be," said Lily with tears in her eyes.

"You are dedicated," said Ethan. "You've shown that by even considering staying at work."

"No," said Lily softly as she blinked her tears away. "I came here to speak to you. I have not shown my dedication. My father would be ashamed."

"I'm sure he wouldn't be," said Ethan.

Lily wiped her eyes again. "Yes, he would." She sniffed. "So now I must return to work, as he would have done."

* * *

When Ethan and Lily entered the ED, the first person they saw was Alicia.

"Lily, there you are! I was so worried about you!" she said. "I know you said you were fine, but I can see there's something wrong."

Lily spoke sharply. "You're here to learn. Not to pry into my personal life."

Ethan winced slightly, though he did think Alicia was being a bit nosy and it clearly wasn't the first time she'd asked.

"I didn't mean to pry," said Alicia. "I just…"

"Look. I'm sorry. That was rude of me," said Lily, to Ethan's relief. "It was just a trivial family matter."

"Oh. Sorry. I didn't mean to stick my nose in," said Alicia apologetically. "Forgive me."

A door opened behind them. "Dr Chao. Incoming. Your patient," said Connie.

Ethan was torn. He knew Lily was in no state to work in Resus, but what could he do? If he offered to replace Lily, Lily would refuse – and she'd be hurt and angry that he'd interfered. He didn't want that.

He knew Connie would insist on someone else taking over if he explained why – but he couldn't do that either. It would be a massive betrayal of trust.

"That's fine. I've got this one," said Dylan.

Ethan looked at him in surprise and gratitude, wondering if Dylan knew. Ethan had a feeling Dylan had more sensitivity than he pretended.

Connie, however, was having none of it. "No. I want you on minors," she said firmly. "Lily! Dr Hardy, don't you have any work to do?"

And there was nothing Ethan could do but walk away.

* * *

When Connie told Cal that Iain had answered a call at a warehouse and was requesting the services of a doctor, Cal was far from happy. The last thing he wanted was to go off and leave Ethan again. But he knew that if he said no, he would create a major difficulty. Ethan obviously couldn't go and Cal doubted Zoe was at full physical strength yet. Connie wouldn't allow Dylan to go either. If Cal refused, that meant Connie would have to go. He didn't think Lily had completed the requisite course in pre-hospital care and he very much doubted Alicia had.

"Of course I'll go," he said. "But I would like to let Ethan know so he doesn't worry."

"Be quick," was all Connie said, but Cal knew she meant it. He hurried off to find Ethan and quickly explained to him.

Fear came into Ethan's eyes at the thought of being without Cal again, but then he nodded understandingly. "Of course you must go. It's got to be you or Mrs Beauchamp and she's needed here."

"You're sure you'll be okay?" said Cal.

He saw the tiniest sliver of doubt, but Ethan nodded again. "Of course I will."

"You'll go and have a break if you need one?"

"I'll go and have a break," promised Ethan with a small but genuine smile.

Cal patted him on the back and left him, but he was still worried and his anxiety didn't decrease when rounded a corner to find Lily and Alicia talking. Alicia seemed worried while Lily was clearly in a state of high tension.

 _Understandably_ , thought Cal with sympathy. _But she shouldn't be here._

Alicia was looking at Lily, her eyes wide with anxiety. "Lily, are you sure you should be working?"

"Excuse me?" Lily's voice hardened. " _What_ did you say, Dr Munroe?"

"You just seem a bit distracted," said Alicia apologetically. "With the x-ray."

"I am here to teach you!" said Lily sharply. "You are not here to teach me. You would do well to remember that."

Alicia looked scared, but she wasn't giving up. "I do remember that, Dr Chao. I'm not in any way questioning your abilities."

"Then you're doing a very poor job of expressing yourself," said Lily, "which does not bode particularly well for your future career."

Cal decided he really had to step in. He didn't blame Lily – she was devastated and putting far too much pressure on herself, and consequently Alicia – but she really was going too far now.

He took a step forward, only for someone to catch his arm. He turned to see his brother

 _Let me_ , mouthed Ethan. To Cal's surprise, Ethan pulled him away from Lily and Alicia and approached Connie.

Cal looked at Ethan in shock. Was Ethan going to report Lily to Mrs Beauchamp?

Ethan had said he wouldn't do that, but Cal couldn't imagine what else he might be doing.

"Mrs Beauchamp, I was wondering if I might make a suggestion?" said Ethan, his terror of Connie clear on his face – but for once not the least bit amusing. "Dr Knight told me the paramedics have requested the services of a doctor and I was thinking it would be an excellent opportunity for Dr Munroe. Even if she can't get directly involved, it would show her another side to life in emergency medicine."

Cal groaned silently. Connie would _know_ Ethan was up to something.

Let's face it, even Honey would have known Ethan was up to something.

And _Alicia_ attending an accident scene?

Well, she might be brilliant, but she didn't look tough enough to Cal.

But there was no need for him to say anything. Connie, he knew, would make the right call.

Connie gave Ethan a suspicious look, but it quickly changed to interest. "While I might have my doubts about your motives, Dr Hardy, that's actually an excellent idea. Dr Chao, Dr Munroe. A word, please."

Cal saw the briefest flicker of nervousness on Lily's face, but perhaps only because he was looking for it.

"Yes, Mrs Beauchamp?" said Lily calmly.

"Dr Knight is about to attend an accident scene," said Connie. "I was thinking that perhaps you would allow Dr Munroe to go with him. I think it would be an excellent addition to her portfolio."

Alicia looked excited. "I'd love to, Mrs Beauchamp! Thank you for thinking of me."

Cal wasn't at all surprised when Connie neglected to mention that it was Ethan's idea – but he thought that was probably for the best.

Lily looked at Alicia critically. "Dr Munroe has not passed the pre-hospital care course."

"I am aware of that – and that means you'll be there in a shadowing capacity," Connie told Alicia. "It's the best way of discovering whether involvement in pre-hospital care is something you'd like to pursue. You may get involved in the patient's care if Dr Knight or the paramedics ask you to, but you will, under absolutely no circumstances, attempt to do anything else – not even if you would be confident about performing the same task in the ED."

Alicia nodded seriously. "I understand, Mrs Beauchamp." She looked at Cal. "I'll do what you say, Dr Knight."

"Dr Knight, I am asking you to watch out for Dr Munroe," said Connie. "If anything happens to her, I will hold you personally responsible."

"I'll make sure she doesn't come to any harm," said Cal.

He tried not to show the fact he was starting to get a little bit nervous. He'd assisted the paramedics on numerous occasions, including on his first day, but being responsible for Alicia was a different matter.

However, he could hardly back out now. Not with Connie standing right in front of him and Lily badly needing a break.

"Dr Knight, please take Dr Munroe to the store room and ensure she has the correct kit," said Connie. "It is also your responsibility to ensure that the paramedics know Alicia hasn't completed the training course in pre-hospital care. If they decide it's not safe for her, it's their call. Have I made myself clear?"

"Completely," said Cal. "Come with me, Alicia, and I'll help you to slip into something a _lot_ less comfortable…"


	4. Chapter 4

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I think Cal will always have a naughty side! I'm sure it helps Lily to have two friends who know what she's going through, though she's still going to feel so sad.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I think Ethan will be in for a shock when Taylor appears! Taylor really fell in love with him in the original story, but she's still a criminal who might well put herself first. Ethan is still pretty fragile and won't like Cal leaving him, but I thought he'd put Lily's and Alicia's needs first. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , Ethan hopes he's averted an unpleasant situation, but he can't keep Lily and Alicia apart forever. I think Connie must know something is going on, even if she's not sure what. I can her imagine her taking the credit, not because she wants to but to avoid friction in her ED. Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you think Ethan's idea was clever. He was probably already thinking about getting Lily to have a break from Alicia, so he was looking for the opportunity and grabbed it! I'm not sure Cal would have been at his most tactless if Ethan had let him speak to Lily.

 **westlife4ever80** , Lily is very brave, but you're right - it would be difficult anyway, working when you've just lost a parent and although I don't like to say it's worse for Lily than anyone else, she does have a lot of conflicting emotions to deal with. I doubt many people could cope in her situation. Thank you for your review.

* * *

As soon as Connie had left them, Lily walked up to Ethan. "Who do you think you are?"

"I'm sorry?" said Ethan.

"Don't play games with me!" hissed Lily. "I know exactly what you were doing and why. She told you, didn't she?"

Now Ethan really was confused. "Who told you what?"

"You know exactly what I mean!" said Lily. "Alicia told you about the x-ray. Okay, she was right. There was a risk of glass in the wound and the x-ray was necessary. But she had no right to tell you!"

"She didn't tell me anything," said Ethan, looking at Lily in real concern now. "I mean, I did hear you saying something about an x-ray, but I -"

Lily stared at him in disbelief. "You listened to our private conversation?"

"Not intentionally," said Ethan. "I was in the vicinity and I… heard. As a general rule, of course, I would not have considered interfering, but-"

"So, it _was_ your idea!" There was hurt in Lily's eyes now. "You thought I wasn't capable of doing my job so you stole my mentee away from me! You actually think Alicia will be better off with a player like Cal than with me?"

"No, of course not!" said Ethan, horrified to see Lily's distress. "I just thought maybe Alicia was a little bit much for you today. I do think it's amazing that you're continuing to work, Lily, but I really think-"

"You have no right!" said Lily. "You have no right to interfere in my personal life; in my work! I will decide if I am fit for work, not you!" Lily's eyes filled with tears and she hurried away.

* * *

"Right. Usual scenario," said Iain, as he approached Cal. He frowned as he saw Alicia.

"Dr Munroe is here to shadow me," said Cal. "She doesn't have a pre-hospital care qualification, but she understands her role."

"Okay," said Iain, though there was doubt on his face. "I expect Cal's told you the rules. If we ask you to help, you help. If not, you stay out of the way and let us do our jobs. Got it?"

"Got it!" said Alicia, smiling excitedly at him. "So, can we go in?"

"Not yet," said Iain with a grimace. "We're waiting for clearance, which is something you're going to get used to if you want to get into pre-hospital care. They make a big fuss about calling us all in: they need a paramedic; they need a doctor – so we come rushing down here, sirens blazing, and they won't let us in because it's not safe."

Alicia looked over the cordon. "Who's that girl? Is she a paramedic?"

"She's the casualty's sister," said Iain. "As near as I can make out, he fell from the roof into that little office place, landed on his back and found he couldn't move. It sounds like there's a possibility of a crush injury too. His sister called the ambulance – and despite frequent requests to leave the area, she won't go."

As he spoke, the girl came over to him. "What are you lot waiting for? He could be dying in there!"

"Okay, what's your name?" said Cal.

The girl looked him up and down. Unlike most girls, she didn't seem to like what she saw. "Ruby," she said, clearly wondering why he'd ask a question like that when her brother could be dying.

Cal could sympathise. After all, he had a brother too. "Ruby. Right. Try and stay calm, please. We'll go in as soon as it's safe."

"I thought you lot were supposed to be brave," said Ruby, even less impressed now.

"Yeah, but we're no good to anybody injured, are we?"

Alicia stepped forward. "Hi, Ruby. My name's Alicia and I'm a doctor and this is my very first accident scene!"

"Try not to wet yourself with excitement," said Ruby.

"Don't speak to her like that!" said Cal.

"It's okay, Cal," said Alicia. "Ruby, I know you must be scared out of your mind, but-"

"Seems to me like I'm the only one round here who's not," said Ruby.

"-but they're trying to make the area safe so we can give your brother the best possible care," said Alicia.

"Yeah… like, I do know this already," said Ruby. "Why not tell me something I don't know, like when you're going to get in there and do your job?"

"Soon, I'm sure," said Alicia, smiling at her.

"So my brother's got to lie there when it's not safe while all you professionals hide out here?" said Ruby. "Because I think that's a bit-"

There was a crash from inside the little hut. Ruby spun round and ran towards it. Cal called after her and grabbed hold of the cordon, but Iain pulled him back. "No, hang on, Cal."

"I'm sorry!" said Alicia.

"It's okay," said Cal. "It wasn't your fault." He looked anxiously after Ruby. "I should go after her."

"No: we'll wait till it's safe," said Iain. "Okay?"

"Well, if you're too scared to go in…" said Cal.

Alicia gasped but said nothing.

"Scared," said Iain.

Cal nodded. "Scared, yeah."

Iain laughed. "Scared. Yeah. Good one."

* * *

A few minutes later, Cal, Iain and Alicia and Ruby were crouching beside Ruby's injured brother. Cal could tell the area still wasn't completely safe and wanted to ask Alicia to leave – but he didn't really like to. Their combined attempts to convince Ruby to go had been completely unsuccessful and it seemed unkind to make a trained doctor leave when a presumably-untrained relative was right in the thick of the action.

"We need you to leave," Cal said to Ruby without much hope. "We don't need two casualties instead of one."

"Yeah: just get on with it," said Ruby.

Alicia smiled in a way that was unlikely to do anything but irritate Ruby. "Why don't you come with me, Ruby, and let Dr Knight and Iain do their jobs?"

"I'm not going anywhere," said Ruby.

She was less bolshy now – she sounded scared and upset, but Cal had a feeling this wouldn't lessen her defiance.

Cal addressed Ruby's brother. "Okay, what's your name?"

"Owen." He was lying on his back as Iain said and was clearly in pain.

"Okay, Owen. Can you keep as still as you can for a moment, please?"

"Don't worry about my sister," said Owen, trying to smile. "She's not very good with authority."

Cal exchanged a smile with Iain. He'd rather got that impression.

They quickly stopped smiling when Ruby looked their way.

Professional again, Cal reached out to touch Owen's neck. "Okay, let's get him some IM ketamine and some O2, please."

"O2?" said Ruby. "I think he has bigger problems than finding a new network provider."

"It means oxygen," said Alicia helpfully.

"Yeah because like, there isn't any in the atmosphere, is there?" said Ruby, but she lost some of her attitude when they discovered Owen a wooden foreign body embedded in his abdomen. She turned away, looking slightly nauseous.

"Well, you wanted to see how bad it was!" said Owen.

"Don't worry. It's not deep. It's just a surface wound," said Iain.

"Shall we go outside, Ruby?" said Alicia.

"Yeah, you go if you can't handle it," said Ruby. "You're not doing anything anyway."

"I just thought if you're not feeling well-"

A sound came from above and they all looked upwards. A large wooden object was balanced precariously above their heads. 'Precariously' being the operative word. Alicia's eyes widened in fear.

Cal redoubled his efforts. "Okay, Owen, can you feel me touching you there?"

Owen nodded.

"Yeah? That's good."

"Hang on," said Ruby, anxious again. "Is he going to be okay?"

"He should be fine," said Alicia, a bit shakily. "Dr Knight and Iain are really good. They'll sort Owen out. Don't worry, Ruby."

Ruby didn't reply, but she didn't roll her eyes either, which was probably as good as a 'thank you' from anyone else.

There was a shout from outside and he looked up as water and smoke came down from the roof, followed by another creak. Cal glanced at Iain. "Are you ready?"

Iain nodded.

"All right, let's get him out of here, please," said Cal as calmly as he could.

Alicia took Ruby's arm. "We'd better go first so we don't get in the way. Don't worry. Owen will be out soon."

"Who said I was worried?" said Ruby, and stayed exactly where she was.

Cal and Iain pushed at the object that was pinning Owen to the floor, but it was too heavy.

"I'll help," said Alicia.

Cal saw his doubt mirrored on Iain's face. He didn't want to be sexist, but he couldn't see Alicia as having enough muscle to make the difference. He suspected Ruby would be of more help – not that he'd let her. "No, Alicia. Stay with Ruby, please. See if you can talk her out of getting herself killed."

Alicia nodded and took a step back. She spoke quietly to Ruby but didn't make any headway.

There was another creak from above them. Alicia cried out in fear.

"Okay, you three go, Cal," said Iain, not quite managing to hide his fear. "No sense in all of us getting crushed."

"No, no," said Cal. He didn't think he was hiding his nervousness either. "You stay, I stay. We'll do this together, okay? Alicia, Ruby – go."

Alicia spoke to Ruby again, but Ruby ignored her, her eyes on Owen.

Together, Cal and Iain pushed.

 _I can do this_! Cal told himself. _I'm not going to let a patient die because I'm not strong enough to help. Ethan would never let me hear the end of it!_

He knew Ethan would be nothing but sympathetic, but the thought gave Cal the little bit of extra strength he needed. The object yielded to their combined strength and fell away.

Cal quickly checked Owen over. "Pulse is strong. There's a possible forearm fracture, but there's no crush injuries, so that's something."

With the help of some of the members of the fire crew, they got Owen onto a board and put a head restraint on him. Amazingly, he still seemed quite cheerful, unlike Cal, who felt mentally and physically drained.

"Thanks for staying with me," Owen said to Ruby.

"You'd have done the same for me," she replied.

 _And I'd have done the same for Ethan_ , thought Cal. He stood back so he wasn't in the way of the stretcher.

"Okay. Let's get him out on three," said Iain. "One, two, _three_!"

They carried him out, Ruby walking alongside the stretcher. Cal reached for his medical bag.

"Cal!" said Alicia urgently from the doorway. "Come on!"

There were shouts from above them. "Watch yourself! It's going to go!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Cal is certainly going to find himself in an awkward situation! He seems to attract them, wherever he goes. Lily might have a point - Ethan probably should have spoken to her before Connie - but Lily would never have agreed to let Alicia go! Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I liked Ruby as a character but was very surprised when Cal asked her out - they really didn't seem to like each other much! I did feel sorry for her at the end though. It can't be nice when your date abandons you for another girl. Lily isn't thinking straight, but Ethan didn't deserve her reaction.

 **westlife4ever80** , Lily is so desperate to be professional like her dad would have wanted, every offer of help must feel like proof she's not coping and therefore letting her dad down. Ethan did nothing wrong, but Lily's hurting so much. I got really sad watching the episode! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I think Cal would have met lots of relatives like Ruby - and he knows how it feels when your brother could be dying. But I am surprised she wasn't escorted from the area as she's irritating, in the way and in danger! Ethan really did mean well, but Lily just sees a devastating implied criticism. Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. I feel so sad for Lily - she sees the fact she's struggling as something terrible and she's mortified by what Ethan did, even though it's actually normal and completely okay to need extra support in her situation. Read on to find out who will be Cal's Knight in Shining Armour!

 _Thank you to **AnonymousCandyCane** , **Tanith Panic** , **Snowdrop2018** for the follows and favourites._

* * *

"Cal!" Alicia screamed in terror. She threw herself at Cal, just as the wooden object fell to the floor with a loud crash, landing where Cal had been standing seconds before.

Cal lay on the ground for a moment, his heart pounding.

Then he opened his eyes and his heart continued pounding.

Alicia was on top of him, her head buried in his chest. It sounded like she was crying.

"Everyone okay in there?" came the shout from outside. "Everyone okay?"

Cal honestly wasn't sure. He felt Alicia trembling and wrapped his arms around her. "It's okay, Alicia. We're safe."

Alicia gave a small sob. "We could have died."

"We could have ended up with a few bruises maybe," said Cal. He actually thought Alicia had a point, but he didn't want to say so. "But it's okay. I'm here. I've got you." He gave a slightly strained smile. "Though perhaps it would be more accurate to say you've got _me_."

Alicia lifted her head and looked at him. The world seemed to have gone very quiet.

Their faces were so close... their lips were so close.

"Thank you," said Cal. He reached up and brushed the tears from her cheeks. "For rescuing me."

"I… um… any time," said Alicia.

They looked at each other for a moment more, then Cal's brain started to function again. "We'd better get out of here."

"Yeah. Yeah. You're right." Alicia sat up, sniffing. "Sorry for being completely useless."

Cal smiled. "Hey, you saved my life, didn't you? You did the whole world a favour! And anyone would get upset at the thought of life without the Knight."

Alicia laughed shakily. "In your dreams."

"That's better," said Cal. "So shall we get out of here?"

"Yes. Let's."

After another shared glance, they did.

* * *

Ethan walked to the staff room and poured himself a glass of water. He was due for a break anyway. He had spent the equivalent of most of his break with Lily, but Connie had made clear to him that he could take extra breaks if he needed them.

He put his hand to his chest. His heart was racing and he felt hot. He tore off some kitchen roll, held it under the tap and wrung it out before patting his face with it. It hadn't been a particularly stressful morning – he suspected the nurses were doing their best to make sure Connie and Lily got all the difficult cases (Ethan wished he could tell them Lily needed to take things easy too) – but he felt stressed and anxious.

He heard a sound and looked up to see Lily. She was standing in the doorway, her hand pressed to her mouth as she tried to stop herself from crying. Ethan rushed over. "Lily, are you all right? Come and sit down."

"Stay away from me, please," said Lily.

Ethan took a step back from her, trying to hide his hurt. "I'm sorry for what I did. I was worried about you and I know how… difficult Alicia is to work with. I really thought you needed a break from her, but it wasn't my place to decide that."

Lily gave a little gasping sob. "No, it wasn't."

"Then I apologise," said Ethan. "I really am sorry."

"Okay," said Lily in a tight voice. "Has Alicia returned yet?"

"Not that I know of," said Ethan. "Would you like some tea or something?"

"No, thank you." Lily turned and walked away.

Ethan watched her go sadly. He wanted to go after her and offer his support, but he knew he'd really hurt her. It had been a battle to become close friends with Lily and now he'd messed up, he was horribly afraid it would be another battle to win back her trust.

* * *

There didn't seem much point in trying to keep Ruby out of Resus. Cal, Alicia and Robyn had all suggested it, but Ruby made it pretty clear she wasn't going anywhere. She didn't do quite enough to necessitate her removal by security, but she did more than enough to make their jobs more difficult.

Cal smiled at Alicia. "Do you want to do the honours?" He knew Alicia was still shaken from the experience and probably embarrassed by her emotional reaction to it. Cal was keen to end things on a positive note for her.

"Okay," said Alicia with a nervous smile. "He's had 80 milligrams of IM ketamine and his neck was cleared en route. We'll need an x-ray of the arm and…"

She glanced at Cal, who smiled reassuringly and touched his stomach lightly.

"And assess the abdominal wound," said Alicia, with a grateful smile.

Cal nodded, pleased with his pupil. "Thank you, Dr Munroe." He bent to examine the wound. "Oh, could you get ten milligrams of morphine, please?"

The second nurse nodded and departed.

"So, what was it like being saved by a girl?" asked Robyn.

Cal grimaced. "I am going to kill Iain. Who else knows?"

"I didn't tell anyone! I swear!" said Alicia.

"Don't worry. I know it wasn't you," said Cal. "This has got Iain's name written all over it."

The door opened. "Do you need me?" asked Max. "I heard there was a damsel in distress. Name of Cal."

Alicia covered her mouth with her hand but couldn't stop a giggle from escaping.

Ethan was next to make an appearance. "Hello, Alicia. Um, I hear you saved my brother."

Cal waited to hear what Ethan was going to say next. He didn't doubt it would be completely hilarious – to Ethan.

"So… thank you," said Ethan. "He can be a right pain sometimes, but he's the only one I've got."

Ruby looked at Ethan as though she found him very weird.

Cal glared at her. Ethan was quite weird, but no-one got to look at him like that apart from Cal.

"I probably didn't really save him," said Alicia. "I'm sure he'd have got out of the way in time. I just panicked and jumped on… um, I mean pushed him out of the way."

"Even so. Thank you," said Ethan sincerely, and left them to it.

"Well, it can't be a bad thing if no-one wants me dead!" said Cal, trying to smile.

Ruby raised an eyebrow. "You might want to revise your opinion on that one."

Alicia looked away, clearly hiding an amused smile, but this was wiped off her face when Owen started coughing.

Cal bent over Owen and pulled back his shirt. "Ah. Do you remember being hit on the chest?"

"I don't remember much, to be honest," said Owen.

"Well… could we get the ultrasound in, please, and I need to get an x-ray of the chest as well as the arm."

Robyn nodded.

"One second, I was standing there," said Owen woozily. "Then the next, the sky was falling in on me."

"What do you think happened?" asked Cal.

"Owen," said Ruby. "I'm so sorry."

Alicia tried to give her a hug. "Aw, it's not your fault!"

Ruby shoved her away and Alicia staggered slightly.

"Hey, get your hands off her!" said Cal as he caught her, secretly relieved to be the knight in shining armour again, though he didn't ever want anyone shoving Alicia again. He put his hands on Alicia's shoulders. "Are you okay?"

Alicia looked up at him. "Y-yes. She didn't really push me. I was slightly off-balance. I'm fine." She smiled.

Cal found he was smiling back, but then he registered what Ruby had just said.

Somehow it didn't surprise him that Ruby had a bit more to do with this than she'd previously let on.

"Dr Munroe," said a cool voice from behind them. "You should have let me know you were back."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Dr Chao," said Alicia. "Cal said I should stay with him as I'd helped with the patient."

Lily raised her eyebrows. "I thought it was explained to you, Dr Knight, that Dr Munroe was accompanying you in an shadowing capacity."

"I thought Alicia would like to follow the next stage of the patient's treatment," said Cal smoothly.

Lily ignored him. "I have a wound that needs suturing. Perhaps you would be so good as to follow me, Dr Munroe. After all, you are _my_ mentee."

"Yes, Dr Chao," said Alicia with a sheepish smile. "Thanks for letting me observe, Dr Knight."

Cal smiled. "No problem, Alicia. Thanks for letting me borrow her, Lily."

Lily led Alicia away and Cal turned back to discover Owen glowering at Ruby.

"I should have guessed," said Owen. "This had your handiwork written all over it."

"It was an accident!" said Ruby.

"Well, the good news is it hasn't actually penetrated the muscle," said Cal quickly. "It's still in the subcutaneous layer. Robyn, I reckon if we make a small incision here, that should help with retraction. Okay?"

Owen started to cough again. Robyn grabbed a bowl and caught the blood he brought up.

"What is it?" said Ruby.

"Try and relax for a minute. I'm going to have a listen to your chest," said Cal.

"What's wrong?" Ruby sounded upset.

"Right, your lungs sound restricted," said Cal. "Let's get a chest x-ray as soon as we can, please."

"Owen," said Ruby. "I really was trying to help."

Owen scoffed.

"I'm going to get a coffee!" said Ruby, and walked off.

Cal returned his attention to the patient, only for Connie to sneak up on him.

"Dr Knight, you have a scalp laceration. Get it treated."

"Oh, it's nothing." Cal brushed at it with his hand. "I'll get it checked later."

"I wasn't asking," said Connie.

Cal gave Owen a quick smile. "Back in a minute." He saw Ruby by the coffee machine. "Hey, er, if it makes you feel any better, I, um accidentally shot my brother with an arrow once."

"Ever knock a warehouse down on top of him?" said Ruby.

"No," said Cal. "But I have wanted to at times."

* * *

"A little bird told you took Alicia to the warehouse," said Rita as she examined Cal's scalp.

"Yeah, in a purely professional way," said Cal.

"Really?" said Rita. "I heard you were rolling around on the floor with her."

"The roof was collapsing," said Cal.

"Sure the earth wasn't moving?" said Rita.

Cal sighed. "She's not my type."

"Oh, and what is your type, Dr Knight?" asked Rita.

"Someone who doesn't ask a lot of personal questions," said Cal. "Nurse Freeman."

Rita jabbed him with something sharp.

"Ow!" said Cal.

"Keep still," said Rita. She paused. "You've got to get back in the saddle sometime."

"And what do you know about saddles?" said Cal.

Rita moved so she could see his face. "I know life's more fun if you share it with someone." She patted him on the shoulder and walked off.

Cal watched her go thoughtfully.


	6. Chapter 6

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I think Alicia is starting to develop feelings for Cal - though who could blame her! Cal might have feelings for her too, though Cal's feelings don't always last very long... Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , Cal would definitely be much better with you! But I think he could be happy with Alicia too, at least until he meets you. Yes, this episode is Rules of Attraction, so it definitely could happen. Poor Cal... being rescued really doesn't fit with his self-image! Thank you for your review.

 **westlife4ever80** , I love Cal! He is a massive tease and a flirt, which can be really annoying, but for some reason, I just find it really funny. He does seem a lot more serious now, but I don't think he'll ever lose that side of him completely. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I like making the brothers' hearts pound! I don't think there's anything funny about being saved by a girl as a rule, but Cal sets him up as a knight in shining armour who saves a damsel in distress, so I do find it funny when it's him because I know how much it would make him squirm!

 **AnonymousCandyCane** , thank you for your review. I'm really happy you're enjoying this. I don't like to give too much away as some people who read this might prefer to wait and see what happens, but I can tell you in a pm if you really want to know. All I'll say is it's not impossible.

 **Depressed-And-Cool** , it is possible. As this is Ethan's story now, I wanted to invent some sort of storyline for Cal and that might or might not be it. I liked Rita's advice, but it kind of made me sad too, knowing what was going to happen with her and Iain.

* * *

Ethan leaned against the lockers and breathed deeply. _I'm all right. I am all right._

It was difficult being back, especially full-time, but that didn't mean he couldn't cope. He just needed a few minutes and he'd be fine.

He stepped away from the lockers, went quickly to the door and checked no-one was coming. Having satisfied himself that the coast was clear, he returned to his locker and pulled out the photograph from the inside pocket of his bag.

He loved that photograph.

Ethan wasn't usually that keen on any photograph if he was in it, but this photograph of him and Taylor was different. It had captured a special moment; a memory of happiness that for some reason gave him some comfort, despite the way it had turned out.

But perhaps it really was time to move on. Or at least to start the process.

Ethan pressed his lips lightly to Taylor's image and put the photo back in his bag. He wasn't sure what he'd do with it. He didn't feel ready to get rid of it and perhaps there was no need for that. But maybeit was time to stop carrying it around with him and looking at it whenever he needed to find a bit of extra strength.

He shut his locker and turned around. A moment later, Cal came into the room. "Ethan, there you are."

"I was just taking a break," said Ethan, somehow contriving to sound unconvincing even though it was true, but Cal didn't seem to notice.

"I've got an FB," he said. "I'm not comfortable removing it myself. Could you do it for me, please?"

Ethan regarded him with slight suspicion. He was more experienced than Cal in the removal of foreign bodies and if Cal couldn't do it, he was right to come to Ethan.

But Cal had asked for Ethan's help quite a lot over the past week and it had usually been something Cal was more than capable of doing himself. Either Cal was suffering a crisis of confidence or he was trying to boost Ethan's.

Ethan thought it far more likely to be the second one. Cal's confidence had dipped when it came to women, but he wasn't having any problems at work.

Cal began to squirm. "Don't look like that, Ethan. It's not exactly easy asking my little brother for help, you know."

"Of course I'll do it," said Ethan, realising Cal looked genuinely embarrassed. "I'll come now."

"If you need a slightly longer break…" Solicitous Cal was back now.

Ethan smiled and shook his head. "No. I'm fine. I'm ready to get on now."

* * *

Ethan withdrew the piece of wood carefully from Owen's abdomen.

"Congratulations. It's a girl," said Robyn.

"I'll call her Twiggy," said Owen, laughing.

Ethan put 'Twiggy' down and picked up the tablet. "Owen. I need to talk to you about your lungs. The chest x-ray is showing us signs of what's called lung fibrosis."

"Because of the accident?" said Ruby.

Cal took the tablet from Ethan and had a look at it. "No, this, um, develops over time. You didn't cause this."

Owen looked uneasily from Ethan to Cal and back again. "How bad is it?"

"Well, it's a chronic condition," said Ethan. "The literal meaning is scarring of the lungs." He took the tablet back from Cal. "The tissue is stiffened, usually because of exposure to smoke or asbestos."

"Yeah, do you think that's something you were exposed to at work?" asked Cal.

"No," said Owen. "The council checked for asbestos last year and we don't burn anything so it can't be smoke."

"Well, you've definitely been exposed to something toxic that's damaged your lungs," said Ethan. He paused, waiting to see if Owen would volunteer any information. He didn't, so Ethan added: "It would really help if we knew what that was."

Owen hesitated and gave an unconvincing laugh. "I haven't got a clue."

Ethan thought sadly how common it was for patients to lie – but one thing he liked about working in the ED was that almost every injury had a story behind it: a story that hadn't begun in the ED but did find some sort of resolution here. It was as though you became part of the patients' lives, just for a short while. It was Ethan's job to help them with their illnesses or injuries, but he felt lucky to have the chance to help people in other ways too.

Ruby was looking concerned. "You were coughing when I turned up this morning though," she said to Owen. "Remember?"

"Yeah, it's worse first thing," said Owen.

"Okay, well, if you think of anything, just let us know," said Cal. "It will speed up the process."

Ethan looked hopefully at Owen, but he was silent. "Okay, we can stitch and dress the wound. I'm going to organise some more tests."

Ethan noticed Cal was signalling to him. He followed his brother out of the room.

"Cal, what are you doing?" said Ethan, as Cal stopped outside Resus.

Cal smiled. "I just thought that if our friend Owen didn't want to tell us what he'd been up to, he might tell his sister."

Ethan folded his arms. "No, Cal. You're not going to listen to a private conversation."

"This could be important," said Cal. "It could save his life. All we have to do is listen and make sure we do the relevant test. We don't have to tell them we overheard."

"You won't be able to hear anything from here anyway," said Ethan. "Not unless they start shouting at each other."

Cal didn't move. "It's not impossible. There is a bit of an atmosphere."

Ethan sighed. "Okay. You listen if you want to. I have to get on: I have other patients even if you don't." He paused. "You are okay though, aren't you? Your head injury isn't too serious?"

"It's fine!" said Cal, though he had to admit he was quite touched by the concerned look on Ethan's face. "Stop fussing."

A few months ago, Ethan would have been annoyed. Today, he just smiled and left.

* * *

Cal was busy trying to listen (and reluctantly admitting to himself that Ethan might have had a point – again) when he heard Alicia's voice behind him.

"I'm just concerned about you, Lily. Mrs Beauchamp's right. You do look tired."

"And _you_ were right – it's not your place to make comments about my personal wellbeing!" said Lily. "Now. It is time for you to have a break. I will see you later." Cal heard the click of her heels as she walked away.

Cal glanced back at Alicia – not for any particular reason – and saw that she was standing in the middle of the corridor with her head in her hands. A second later, she seemed to sense that someone was looking at her. She opened her eyes, gave Cal a quick but unconvincing smile, and walked away.

Cal forgot all about Owen and Ruby. "Alicia, are you okay?"

""I'm fine, Cal," said Alicia, her voice slightly strangled. She turned and walked quickly towards the staff room.

Cal followed her. "Did Lily upset you?" He felt angry. Why couldn't Lily just be nice to Alicia for a change? What had Alicia ever done to her?

"No, everything's fine," said Alicia. She stood with her back to Cal, her hands braced against the counter.

Cal walked up behind her and put his hand on her back. "You don't look fine to me."

Alicia blinked hard. "I thought you told all the girls they looked fine, Dr Knight." Her voice was trembling.

"Come on, Alicia." Cal put his arm around her. "Just tell me. I know Lily goes over the top sometimes."

"No, it's not Lily." Alicia turned to face him. Her eyes were full of tears.

"Then what…" Then Cal realised. "It's the call-out, isn't it?"

Alicia nodded. "I know it's stupid. I'm a doctor: I need to be prepared to put myself in situations like that."

"Only if that's a part of emergency medicine that interests you," said Cal.

"It does interest me," said Alicia. "And I would like to go again. It's just…"

"I know," said Cal. "You went to observe and you ended up saving my life. It's bound to be a shock to the system."

Alicia looked at him fearfully. "So we _could_ have died then?"

Cal mentally cursed himself. "You probably just saved me from getting a bang on the head and looking like an idiot – which would have been even more embarrassing than getting saved by a girl."

"So, why is getting saved by a girl any worse than getting saved by a boy, Dr Knight!" said Alicia, but she was smiling. "Would you rather Iain had jumped on top of you?" Alicia blushed attractively. "I mean… pushed you over."

"Um… well, Iain is a lot heavier than you," said Cal. "He'd probably have squashed me flat. You were perfect."

"Perfect?" said Alicia, tilting her head as she looked into his eyes.

 _God, she's hot._

 _No, Caleb! You don't need this. Lily says she's frivolous. The last thing you need is another frivolous twentysomething who loves pink._

"Well, it was you or Iain," said Cal.

Alicia's face fell.

Cal hated himself, but he knew it was the only way. He'd got burned once and he didn't ever want it to happen again.

"Look… try not to worry," said Cal. "Your first accident scene is always a shock, but it does get easier. Just concentrate on your work for now; maybe go to the pub with some of the others later and just relax. It does sometimes play on your mind at night, but…" Cal stopped. He really didn't want to think about Alicia in bed. Or rather, he really _did_ want to think about it, but he wasn't going to. At least not now. "Put some nice music on; keep the light on if you have to. Whatever it takes to make you feel calm and safe. It can be very emotional and scary to go through something like that. You don't have to pretend you're okay with it when you're not. It's okay to be scared. It's how you deal with it that counts and you dealt with it well."

Alicia's face relaxed into a grateful smile. "Thanks, Cal. Seriously. Thank you. And I'll do what you say about relaxing and putting music on."

"No problem," said Cal. He strove for a tone of friendly superiority: the high-flying registrar talking to the young, inexperienced F2 ( _though Alicia can't be very inexperienced: not looking like that… stop it, Caleb!_ ) "We're all here for each other n Holby ED, Alicia. If you ever need a chat, you can always come and find me."


	7. Chapter 7

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I remember Cal giving Lily some good advice when she was struggling and he was also lovely in the interactive episode when the Resus patient died, so I really wanted to show that side of him.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. It can be time-consuming writing stories based on episodes, but it's nice to remind myself and other people of the great storylines we had in Series 30. I think Ethan is the romantic type when he gets the chance! I hope Cal and Alicia will be good together in this, but it won't be easy for them.

 **Tanith Panic** , that's what I was thinking Lily meant by the word 'frivolous'. She hasn't tried to get to know Alicia - she judges her on her outward behaviour and Lily only sees the negatives. It's sad, but as you say, that's Lily's mindset. Ethan thinks he's starting to get over Taylor, but he still has a way to go! Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , Ethan really would be struggling even more without Cal. He's really not unflappable at the moment! I remember him struggling when he came back to work after the bus crash too. I think Cal does like Alicia, but both his experiences with Honey and Ethan's with Taylor have made him wary. Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to **mmelon3** for the follow._

* * *

Ruby walked quickly, her head down, her hands thrust deep in her pockets. Cal knew enough about her to be sure that she was up to no good – even if all she was doing was abandoning her brother. "You're in a hurry. Where are you going?"

"Places to go. People to see," said Ruby. She quickened her step. "I don't want to be stuck in here all day. It's too grim."

Cal stepped in front of her, blocking her path. "You _know_ something, don't you."

"I know you shouldn't run away after a DJ who's going to dump you after his set," said Ruby pertly.

"Ruby. This is not a joke," said Cal. "He's seriously ill. If you've got any idea what could have damaged his lungs, you need to tell me."

Ruby looked away, but only for a moment. Her eyes met Cal's. "I can't. I made a promise."

"Right… okay," said Cal. "And what good's a promise if he ends up dying?"

* * *

Ethan sighed as he looked at the test results. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

The frustrating thing was that he was convinced Owen knew what had caused this – or at the very least, that he had a very good idea.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. "Ethan, are you okay?" asked Rita.

Ethan looked up at her and tried to smile.

"Go and have a break," said Rita, looking at him sympathetically.

"Oh, no, I'm fine, thank you, Rita," said Ethan. "It's just… a patient is hiding something from me and I'm trying to figure out what it is."

"Is it something important?" asked Rita.

Ethan nodded. "Whatever it is has caused pulmonary fibrosis. There's nothing in his medical history that might help; no other suggestion of drug use; no medications that are known to cause the condition; nothing in his occupational or recreational history that he's admitting to. The patient has ruled out smoke and asbestos, but there are so many other possibilities. The ventilation system could be contaminated. Even mouldy foliage or pigeon droppings could cause the condition."

"I can't see a patient clamming up because his workplace has been infested by pigeons," said Rita. "Sounds to me like there's something dodgy going on."

"Yes, but what?" exclaimed Ethan in frustration. "And the 'dodgy thing' could be entirely unrelated to the cause of the pulmonary fibrosis. The patient might just be worried it might be connected – or worried that if any examination is made of the workplace, his secret will be discovered."

A voice spoke from behind him. "Have you considered heavy metals, Ethan?"

Ethan turned to look at Cal. "That is another possible cause, but we've got no evidence. What are we supposed to do: stand there and go through every possible cause in the hope that Owen might actually say yes to something?"

Cal put his hands on Ethan's shoulders. "Ethan. It's okay."

"No, it's not okay!"

"Yes, it is," said Cal. "I think I know what might be causing it. Just breathe for me, okay?"

Ethan stared at him. "You really think it might be heavy metals? Did you manage to overhear something?"

"No… I just used my considerable superior intelligence - and asked Ruby," said Cal. "Owen had asked her to get down to the office and do a little job for him. The job involves heavy metals. It's also illegal. It fits with Owen's condition and his reticence."

"I believe chromium and nickel can cause pulmonary fibrosis," said Ethan. "Though chromium seems unlikely as his renal function is within the normal range. But I don't see how…"

"They're found in electronics," said Cal.

"Electronics?" said Ethan blankly.

Cal smiled. "Electronics."

* * *

"We think it's heavy metal poisoning," Ethan told Owen. He paused. "From breathing in the dust when you smashed up these electronics."

Owen's head turned slowly towards Ruby. His voice was soft but full of anger. "I told you not to tell anybody."

Ruby said nothing.

"Er… she did the right thing," said Cal. "She might have saved your life."

"I could go to prison for this!" said Owen.

Ruby looked upset, but she still said nothing.

Owen began to cough. Robyn held a tissue to his mouth, catching the blood.

"Right: can we contact the National Poisons Unit, please," said Ethan, "and find out what toxicology we can send the bloods off for?"

"The charity could get shut down," said Owen, his voice thick. "Do you realise that?"

"I don't care about the charity," said Ruby, her voice trembling, but her defiance was still there. "I care about you."

"None of this would have happened it if hadn't been for you!" burst out Owen. "Oh God… just leave me alone."

Ruby looked ready to cry.

"Let's not say something we're going to regret later," said Cal.

Owen ignored him, his gaze focused on Ruby. "I mean it… I don't want you in my life. I don't want to see you again."

"If that's what you want," said Ruby, as though she didn't care either way.

Cal knew she did.

Her eyes were full of tears now. "I'm sorry, Owen. I never meant to hurt you."

He didn't respond. Ruby turned and walked out.

Cal hesitated for a moment, then went after her.

* * *

Cal stopped in the middle of the ED, wondering how Ruby had managed to disappear so quickly.

"Hey," said Alicia. "Is Ruby okay?"

"Hey." Cal didn't know why he was smiling. "I am actually a bit worried about Ruby. Did you see which way she went?"

"I think she went outside," said Alicia. "She looked like she wasn't sure if she wanted to cry or just kill someone. I asked her if she was okay, but she ignored me. Do you know what's wrong?"

"Yeah, but I need to get after her. Sorry." Cal started to walk away, but then he turned back. "Are you feeling any better now?"

Alicia's smile made him feel glad he'd asked. "Much better now. Thanks. It really helped to talk to you."

* * *

Ruby was about to get into a taxi when Cal caught up with her. "Hey! Ruby!" he called. "Look. You can't go. All right?" He shut the taxi door. "He's going to need someone to look after him."

"You heard what he said," said Ruby. "He doesn't want me anywhere near him."

"He might not want you in his life right now, but he is definitely going to need you," said Cal. "Don't walk out."

"I'm not walking," said Ruby. "I'm being pushed. I can't make him forgive me."

"Okay. But you could at least try," said Cal. "Some brothers are worth fighting for."

"If he wants my help," said Ruby, a slight sneer on her lips, "he knows where to find me."

Cal smiled in amusement. "And where's that going to be?" he asked, placing a hand on top of the taxi. "Ibiza? Dancing the night away? Trying to pretend this never happened?"

"He's always been the one looking after me," said Ruby.

"Maybe it's time to grow up and be the sensible one," said Cal.

"But what if I can't do it?" asked Ruby. There was no defiance now. No sneer. Nothing but the fear and vulnerability of a young girl.

"You get in this taxi, you'll never find out," said Cal. He waited for a moment, then walked away.

He'd done what he could. It was up to Ruby now.

* * *

Cal was almost back inside when he heard her voice.

"Oi! You! Damsel in distress!"

Cal hadn't dreamed he'd ever be answering to that.

"Don't get used to this, but you're right for once," said Ruby. "I can't just walk away from him. Not after everything he's done for me."

Cal smiled. "That's exactly how I feel about my brother."

Ruby made a face. "I can't see your brother breaking the law. He looks like he's never even got a parking ticket."

"Oh, he did get one once," Cal assured her. "I 'borrowed' his car and parked it on a double yellow and his was the only licence I had on me. Luckily, I was wearing sunglasses and I managed to convince the police they were a prescription pair. He also got a speeding ticket once. The circumstances were similar."

"And he's still talking to you?" said Ruby. "I wouldn't be."

"I decided Ethan was worth fighting for," said Cal. "And for almost the first time in my life, I was right."

* * *

Ethan had never been so relieved to see Cal mentally undressing a girl.

Not that he approved of it in any sense, particularly not when you made it as obvious as Cal did, but it was good to see Cal showing interest in someone for almost the first time since Honey. There had been a couple of one-night stands, which meant not many at all by Cal's standards, but Ethan knew that Cal had liked the experience of being in a relationship. He'd liked having someone to talk to and listen to; someone to support and be supported by.

Ethan walked over to Cal and whispered into his ear, not wanting to attract Alicia's attention. "Why don't you ask her out?"

Cal turned to glare at him. He grabbed Ethan's arm and dragged him well out of earshot. "What are you talking about?"

"Alicia," said Ethan. "She's a nice girl."

"You ask her out then," said Cal.

Ethan shook his head. "I don't think she's really my type. But she's obviously your type or you wouldn't be looking at her like that."

Cal spoke softly. "I don't know, Ethan. I like the idea of having one special person who actually cares about me. Kind of like you and T…" Cal stopped, clearly appalled at himself. "Ethan, I'm sorry."

"It's okay," said Ethan gently. "I'd like something like that too. One day. Only for real this time."

"I think Taylor did love you, you know," said Cal.

"And that's what makes it so much worse." Ethan felt tears threatening. He tried to smile. "But I'll be okay."

Cal looked at him in surprise. "Do you think you're getting over her then?"

"I hope so," said Ethan. "I like to think I'm heading in that direction anyway. I don't think I'm ready to ask anyone else out… but how often have I ever been ready to do that?"

Cal laughed. "Good point."

"But I do need to get over her," said Ethan, a determined look on his face. "I can't spend the rest of my life feeling heartbroken. I need to move one." He smiled at Cal. "And so do you."


	8. Chapter 8

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Cal probably does only know one way of moving on! But if it helps him and doesn't hurt anyone else, maybe he should go for it! Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I can't quite imagine Matilda with a different name, but I don't want it to happen in exactly the same way. Ethan really isn't over Taylor! Have you finished Taylor-Made yet? I hope you enjoyed it. Cal and Alicia could be cute, especially as her original character wouldn't criticise his bedroom technique!

 **Tanith Panic** , I was very surprised when Cal asked Ruby out in the episode, though I did feel sorry for her when he just abandoned her for Taylor! I don't think Ruby trusts easily, so the Taylor incident wouldn't help her. But I loved making Ruby more objectionable now she wasn't Cal's love interest! Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review - sorry I missed it when I first posted this. I think Cal really relates to Ruby because he's always been the immature one who relied on his brother to get him out of trouble. But he also knows (particularly in my version, where he's supported Ethan through his heartbreak) sometimes the irresponsible one needs to be the one who steps up. Cal is definitely thinking about getting back out there! He probably thinks about it constantly!

* * *

Ethan could tell Cal had doubts. It was understandable. Cal had thought his heart was impenetrable and it had been a shock to find out it wasn't. Now he'd found someone else he liked, he was nervous – if not terrified.

But Ethan wasn't going to let Cal miss out on something potentially special. "I really think Alicia's nothing like Honey."

"She likes pink," said Cal.

"A lot of people like pink," said Ethan. " _Robyn_ likes pink."

"Maybe," said Cal, his eyes drifting towards Alicia.

"Look, I'm not saying you should propose to her," said Ethan, trying not to think of the proposal he'd so nearly made to Taylor. "But maybe you could ask her out for dinner and see how it goes? I… um… I actually found out something about Alicia today. It's her birthday. I don't think anyone else knows, so I'm sure she'd be really pleased if you got her a card and took her out for dinner."

Cal looked at him in surprise. "You seem very anxious for me to get laid all of a sudden."

Ethan blushed. "I wasn't thinking of… that. More your happiness. I'm not saying it will work out, but I can't imagine Alicia being manipulative and grasping like Honey. She's probably about as capable of deceiving people as… well, me!"

Cal laughed unwillingly. "Okay, Ethan. I'll think about it."

* * *

Lily looked exhausted.

Completely and utterly exhausted – physically and mentally – though she still managed to look better than almost any girl Ethan had ever seen. Ethan could only wish he looked that good at the end of a long shift – not that it was really important, but the last thing he wanted was to make his patients scream with horror at the sight of him.

"You've done so well today, Lily," said Ethan. "You really have. I hope you have a more relaxing evening planned."

Lily's face hardened. "I hardly think I should be enjoying myself, Ethan."

"Oh, no, of course not," said Ethan quickly. "But maybe take a break from the studying just this once?"

"I will study. My father would have wished it," said Lily.

Ethan looked at her sadly. He knew that honouring her father was important to Lily and he respected that, but he didn't want her to push herself to a breakdown. He knew what that was like.

"But I will also take some time to think of him and I will speak to my mother," said Lily.

Ethan nodded. "Just… just…" He wanted to tell Lily to go easy on herself, but he thought the concept was probably alien to her. "Just remember I'm here if you want to talk."

"Thank you," said Lily. Her voice held gratitude but also finality. "Thank you for supporting me today, Ethan."

"It was my… you're welcome," said Ethan.

They moved apart as Alicia entered the room. Ethan mentally kept his fingers crossed that Alicia wouldn't say anything to upset Lily. In different ways, they both had a talent for saying the wrong thing.

"You did well today," Lily told Alicia without looking at her.

"Yeah, it felt good!" said Alicia. "Like we were really making a difference." Alicia giggled. "Oh, and no-one died!"

Ethan cringed and looked anxiously at Lily, but he honestly didn't know what he could do. He couldn't even hug Lily. Not with Alicia in the room.

Alicia released her hair from her pony tail and ran her hands through it. She looked at Lily and seemed about to say something else, but at that moment, Connie entered.

"Alicia… sorry," said Connie.

Alicia looked at Connie, then back at Lily. "Bye," she said. Lily didn't reply.

"Bye, Alicia." Ethan gestured towards the door. "Shall I…"

"Please stay," whispered Lily.

Connie gave Ethan a small nod before turning to the junior registrar. "Right. Lily. You're not leaving until you tell me what's wrong."

Lily's lip trembled. She didn't look at Connie.

"Hmm?" said Connie, her voice fairly mild but her expectation clear.

Lily turned slowly to face her. "I'm sorry, Mrs Beauchamp. I haven't been myself today."

If she thought that would be enough, the look on Connie's face made it very clear it wasn't.

Ethan took a protective half-step towards Lily and wondered if it would help if he said something.

Then he decided he'd said far too much on Lily's behalf already.

"My mother called me this morning," said Lily, "and told me my father had died."

There was shock and sympathy on Connie's face. "I… I'm so sorry, Lily. I didn't know. You... you shouldn't be here."

There were tears in Lily's eyes. "He wanted more than anything for me to become a consultant." She took a shaky breath. "I think he would have wanted me to finish my shift."

Connie nodded almost helplessly. "Well, if there's anything I can do."

"I'll need a few days off for the funeral, please," said Lily.

"Of course. Of course. Take as long as you need," said Connie.

Lily nodded. "Thank you," she whispered.

Connie turned and walked away. Lily turned to Ethan, all but sobbing now.

Ethan wordlessly held out his arms. Lily walked into them and cried.

* * *

Cal had to smile at Alicia's outfit. The jeans were fine – they looked good – but the fluffy pink jumper… not usually his thing.

But Alicia, he had to admit, carried it off.

He stepped in front of her. "A little bird told me… well, you probably couldn't really describe him as a 'bird', though he is quite little…"

"What sort of person would you describe as a bird, Dr Knight?" asked Alicia pointedly.

She was sweet, but Cal realised he was going to have to watch what he said.

"Oh… no-one. No-one at all," said Cal quickly. "But a… a colleague of ours told me it was your birthday. So… Happy Birthday." He handed Alicia an envelope. "I literally only found out a few minutes ago, so there wasn't time for me to go to a proper shop, but I hope it's okay."

Alicia opened it. "Oh, thank you, Cal. It's lovely. It's so sweet of you." She kissed him on the cheek.

Cal enjoyed it. It had been so long since he'd had any kind of kiss from a girl. And even longer since a girl had actually felt anything for him.

"I didn't really like to tell anyone," Alicia admitted shyly. "I didn't want to make it seem like I was expecting anything, like a party or free drinks. I mean, I get on with everyone, but I don't think I've really been here long enough."

"I honestly think if you went to Robyn now and told her, she'd have something organised within half an hour and we'd all be happy the share the evening with you," said Cal gallantly. He smiled. "But I was actually hoping we could maybe... skip the pub and have dinner instead?"

Alicia's eyes widened. "I'd love to."

"If you can't spoil a girl on her birthday, when can you spoil her?" said Cal. He stepped closer to her and tugged gently at her pink-tipped hair. "Though I believe in spoiling my girls every day of the year."

Alicia looked slightly worried. "When you say girls _plural_ …"

"Don't worry," said Cal. "One at a time is enough for me. Now, where would you like to go? Do you have a favourite restaurant or do you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you, but I'm not really dressed for a restaurant," said Alicia, with an anxious glance at her outfit. "Would you mind if we went somewhere a bit less formal this time? Oh, not that I'm implying there will be a next time."

Cal pouted. "And there was me hoping we could make it a regular thing."

"Oh, I didn't mean …"

"Don't worry." Cal smiled at her reassuringly. "It's your birthday, Alicia, so it's your choice what we do. I'm not really dressed for a restaurant, myself – and there's quite a nice little place just across the road. The food's great; the wine's even better – and the company's better still. Or it will be if you're there with me."

"It sounds great!" said Alicia.

Cal wondered what delights her pink jumper was hiding. "So, are you ready to go?"

"Almost," said Alicia. "I just need to get my coat."

"Always a good idea when you've pulled," said Cal.

Alicia burst out laughing. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh. But it is just dinner, Cal."

"I know," said Cal.

They smiled at one another. Alicia looked happy and excited. Cal felt happy and turned-on – but he reminded himself to behave.

He knew how a broken heart felt now. He didn't want to feel like that again – but he equally didn't want to cause the same feeling in someone else.

* * *

"Are you sure I can't offer you a lift?" said Ethan.

"No," said Lily. "Thank you, but I'll need my bike to get to work tomorrow. I need to do some shopping too."

Ethan looked at her in concern. "Lily, you shouldn't be worrying about that. Why don't you let me take you home, then you can write a list and I can get everything you need?"

Lily looked torn. "I shouldn't ask that of you."

"You didn't ask," said Ethan gently. "I offered."

"Well… okay," said Lily. She tried to smile. "Thank you, Ethan."

"It really is my pleasure," said Ethan. "I mean… no. I didn't mean to say... I mean… you're welcome."

Outside the ED, they found Max, Lofty and Big Mac having a chat. "You coming to the pub, mate?" said Big Mac.

Ethan shook his head. "No. I'm going to take Lily home. She… we need to study."

Knowing smiles appeared on the faces of all three men, though Lofty was clearly trying not to.

"Studying… yeah, I've heard that one before!" said Max.

Lily looked at him coldly but refrained from comment.

"Please excuse us," said Ethan politely, but to his surprise, Lofty Max and Big Mac didn't move. They seemed to be looking at something behind him. Max grew slightly pale. Big Mac's jaw dropped. Lofty looked deeply concerned.

"Er, Ethan. I think there's someone here to see you," said Big Mac.

Ethan looked at him in surprise. Was this some kind of joke?

Ethan turned around.

And there she was.

She stopped beside the ambulance and made an attempt at a smile. "Hi, Ethan."


	9. Chapter 9

**InfinityAndOne** , more than dinner could be a possibility for Cal, considering Alicia's recent behaviour, but she was like a completely different person in her first appearances. But he's made the first step at last. Maybe that was a mean cliffhanger, but I decided to end the chapter as the episode ended. Thank you for your review.

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review. Yes, it probably will hit the fan! I hope you enjoy it. Ethan's going to be more than a little bit shocked and it's fair to say Cal won't be pleased!

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , you're guesses are very likely to be correct! It's been a horrible day for Ethan and it's about to get worse, but he probably still hasn't had as bad a day as Lily. I really liked it in the episode wen Connie instantly forgot about Lily's behaviour and simply offered sympathy. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I'm so glad you liked Taylor-Made. I'm afraid Clement Weather isn't as good though. When Richard sweeps you off your feet, perhaps you could introduce me to George? I've enjoyed writing Ethan and Lily's friendship and his support, but he might have a lot less time to support Lily soon!

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm afraid you might be able to be disappointed if that's what you're hoping! Alicia did look lovely in the pink sweater. There are pictures online, but I probably can't post links. Well, Max, Lofty and Big Mac were right about Ethan and Lily not studying! Ethan does deserve a happy ending. Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I'm so glad you like this story and I hope you'll continue to read and enjoy it.

* * *

Ethan couldn't speak. All he could do was stare. It didn't seem possible. Why was she out of prison already? She looked a bit tired and anxious – and beautiful: so amazingly, incredibly beautiful - but not as though she was on the run.

"Taylor?" he managed to whisper at last.

Lily took his arm. "Ethan. I think we should go."

"Please, Ethan," said Taylor. "I need to speak to you. Then, if it's what you want, I promise I'll go right out of your life."

"I… um…" Ethan wanted to run, but whether it was towards or away from her, he didn't know.

"I'll explain," said Taylor, a note of pleading in her voice. "I'll explain everything. Just give me a chance, Ethan. Please."

Lily touched Ethan's arm. "It's your choice, Ethan. I think it's better to stay away from her, but perhaps you need closure."

"Yes! Closure!" said Taylor, almost desperately. "Please, Ethan."

"Um… one moment, please. I just need to…" Ethan's voice was faint. He glanced at Lily, then looked at the three men behind him. "Lofty, I don't suppose you could see Lily home?"

"Yes, of course," said Lofty at once, but Lily shook her head.

"Thank you, Lofty, but there is no need. I will be fine." She caught Ethan's hand. "Ethan, please call me later. I need to know that you're all right."

* * *

"Okay. Don't get your hopes up," said Cal. "The food really isn't that good."

"So it was just a chat-up line?" said Alicia.

Cal smiled a bit guiltily. "Yeah. Sorry, I'm a bit rusty."

Alicia laughed. "Don't worry. I'm sure it will come back to you."

They stopped as they noticed Lofty, Max and Big Mac looking concerned as they spoke to one another. Cal smiled as he steered Alicia past him. "See you tomorrow, guys."

"Yeah, see you," said Alicia.

"Um… Cal," said Lofty. "There's something we should tell you."

Cal's thoughts flew immediately to one person. "About Ethan? Oh God, is he okay?"

"We don't actually know about that," said Max. "But we thought you should know…" He glanced at the other two.

"It's Taylor," said Big Mac. "She's back."

* * *

"Look. I know this is… out of the blue," said Taylor. "It's just, um…" She stopped and asked in a fearful voice: "Who's the girl you were with?"

"Lily," said Ethan. "You remember Lily. Dr Chao."

"She looks different," said Taylor, a sad smile coming to her face. "Really pretty."

Ethan nodded. "She's a registrar now. But we're not…" He ground his teeth in frustration. What was he doing? Why were they even talking about Lily? "We're just friends."

"Okay," said Taylor. "Is there… anyone else?"

"I'm sorry, but really I don't think-" Ethan stopped as a flash of hurt came into Taylor's eyes.

She looked at the ground, her lip trembling.

"But no. There isn't," said Ethan.

Taylor slowly lifted her eyes to Ethan's face. "Ethan, I miss you. I miss you so much. Every day."

Ethan swallowed. She sounded like she meant it.

But she always did.

"I'm sorry for how it turned out," whispered Taylor. "I do love you, Ethan."

"Do you?" said Ethan sadly.

"Of course!" said Taylor. "I gave you the money back, didn't I?"

"You did, and thank you very much," said Ethan numbly. "I appreciate it."

He could feel it. She was still doing it to him. His heart was jumping around in his chest and he wanted more than anything to clasp her in his arms and never let her go.

She looked as beautiful as ever, but so tired and frightened and lost, like she needed to be taken care of. Like she needed _him_.

 _Oh, Taylor, I love you…_

But he couldn't let her get to him again. He couldn't afford even to think about letting himself trust her. The fact she was here at all proved she was hardly on the straight-and-narrow. She was supposed to be in prison.

"I couldn't take your money," said Taylor softly. "Not after everything. Oh, Ethan…"

She reached out a hand to him.

Stepping away was one of the hardest things he'd ever done. "Please. Tell me why you're here, Taylor."

"Did you get my letters?"

"I got one. The rest must have been censored."

Taylor frowned. "There was nothing in them that would have been censored. They just said I needed to tell you something important and would you please get in touch."

"Well, I didn't get them," said Ethan. "I only got one and that gave me no clues at all about why you wanted to speak to me. Are you going to tell me? Because I could just call the police now."

Taylor flinched. "You wouldn't."

"I've done it before." Ethan hated himself for sounding so cold. Especially when Taylor looked ready to cry. But he had to stay strong. He _had_ to.

Taylor grasped his sleeve and dragged him along. "There's something I need to tell you."

"Then tell me, Taylor."

Taylor stopped beside a car. "I mean… there's someone you need to meet."

Taylor opened the door of the car. Ethan waited, but nobody got out and he could see no signs there was anyone there at all. He approached fearfully, certain that anyone Taylor wanted him to meet could hardly be on the right side of the law.

Something inside him screamed at him to run, but he didn't. Taylor had gone to a lot of trouble. She'd risked her freedom just to see him. If she'd sent someone to kill him, would she really have come with them and linked herself to the crime?

Ethan honestly didn't know, but something was drawing him closer and closer to the car. He looked at the seat and realised why it had looked empty. He'd been expecting to see an adult – but it wasn't.

It was a baby.

A little tiny baby – a couple of weeks old at most.

Ethan kept staring.

"Shall we talk about this inside?" said Taylor.

Ethan shook his head, but at the situation rather than Taylor's question. It couldn't be possible. Was Taylor saying this baby was… _his_?

"Ethan, please." Taylor's voice was forceful. "She's freezing out here."

Ethan knew he was right. The baby – this beautiful baby – needed to be kept warm and safe. Forever.

Ethan let himself imagine, just for a moment, holding her in his arms.

No. He couldn't do that. He couldn't trust her! Taylor had a baby in her car. That didn't mean the baby was Ethan's – or even Taylor's. It was probably another trick. Another attempt to get money from him.

But the baby looked so small and frail. And so beautiful.

"We'll go to the on-call room," he said.

The look of gratitude on Taylor's face almost crumbled the last of his defences. "Thank you, Ethan," she said.

* * *

Cal looked at his friends in horror. He knew this couldn't be a joke. They'd never joke about something like that. At least, Lofty wouldn't. He knew a lot of the story because Ethan had confided in him. Even if Max and Big Mac had cooked up a thoughtless joke between them, Lofty wouldn't have allowed it to happen.

It was true. Taylor was back – and she'd got to Ethan.

"Where is she?" he asked, his voice trembling. "Is Ethan…"

"They went that way," said Max, pointing.

Cal looked, but he could see nothing. They could be anywhere by now. Cal knew Ethan wasn't over Taylor and she'd always been able to talk him into anything.

"I've got to go and see her," he said. "I've got to find her and… talk to her."

"Who is she?" said an uncertain voice by his side.

Cal turned to see Alicia. He'd forgotten about her. He did like her, but only Ethan could ever come first. "Sorry, Alicia. I can't take you for dinner. Something's… come up. There's this girl… I need to talk to her. I'm sorry."

Alicia's lip wobbled. "So you're just going to…"

"Sorry," said Cal helplessly. "But this girl…" He couldn't explain it. He didn't know Alicia well enough and it was Ethan's business, not Cal's. He looked hopefully at Lofty. "Lofty, I don't suppose you could take Alicia out for dinner? It's her birthday. I said I would, but I really need to go and see Taylor."

"Yeah, sure," said Lofty, taking a step towards them, but Alicia's eyes were filling with tears.

"I thought you liked me," she whispered.

"I do!" said Cal. "But sometimes these things happen. I am sorry. We'll definitely do something another time."

"In your dreams!" said Alicia with a feeble show at defiance as her tears began to fall.

Cal hated the fact he'd hurt her, but what choice did he have? Ethan needed him. "I'm sorry, Alicia. Really." He turned and walked in the direction the others said Ethan and Taylor had gone.

Behind him, he could hear Alicia crying, then Lofty's kind voice. "Alicia, please don't cry. Come out with us instead."

"Yeah: we'll spoil you a bit," said Max. "We'll have a great time.2

"Please let go of me!" sobbed Alicia. "I know you're being nice, but I just want to go home."

Lofty tried again. "Alicia, you're upset and it's your birthday. You shouldn't be on your own."

"I want to be on my own!" cried Alicia. "Please, just let me go!" Cal heard more sobs as she ran away.

The guilt caused him physical pain, but he knew that soon, Ethan would be feeling a lot more upset than Alicia. She was hurt and shocked, but she wouldn't be heartbroken. At least, Cal hoped not. But he knew he was doing the right thing and one day, he maybe he'd be able to explain everything to Alicia.

But his brother came first. He would always come first.

Cal kept searching. There were a few parked cars, but no sign of either Ethan or Taylor.

Cal got out his phone, berating himself for not thinking of it sooner. To his relief, Ethan answered.

"Where are you?" said Cal.

Ethan hesitated.

"Ethan, come on!" said Cal.

"Don't tell him!" That was Taylor's voice.

"The on-call room." Ethan sounded close to tears. "Please come, Cal. And please don't call the police. When you get here, you'll understand."

"I'm coming, Nibbles," said Cal, as he ran back towards the entrance to the ED. "Hang in there for me, okay? I'm coming."


	10. Chapter 10

**CBloom2** , I'm really glad you like what I did with the minisode. I'm basically following the show as a lot of things will still happen regardless of who the possible father is, but some of it will be different because it's Ethan rather than Cal. So Taylor will still get sepsis, but maybe she won't leave this time! Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Ethan fell in love with the baby even when he was the uncle, so there's every chance he'll do the same if he thinks he's the dad! Cal will be the concerned, caring big brother in this. Being stood up on your birthday, especially when you've had a horrible day already, must be terrible. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I think Ethan's half-guessed the baby might be his, but it's still going to be a shock! Cal won't be happy at all, but I hope he'll realise it's not the baby's fault. Alicia isn't happy - and Cal didn't really explain properly! It might take her a while to forgive him. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , if you only 'almost' feel sorry for Alicia, then I've failed! I hope you noticed that Lofty was Cal's and Ethan's first choice to look after Alicia and Lily. It will be difficult for Ethan to turn his back on the situation - he didn't quite manage to do that even in the episode, where he hated Taylor. Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. I really struggled with writing Ethan's inward battle, so I'm extra-glad it worked for you! You'll find out Cal's reaction very soon. I hope you'll like Cal's reaction and the similarities and differences between this story and the episodes.

* * *

Taylor sat on the bed in the on-call room, her arms folded defensively. The baby, in its carrier, was on the bed beside her. "Why did you tell him? He'll call the police, Ethan!"

"He won't." Ethan didn't know why he was so sure of that. Asking Cal not to do something wasn't exactly a surefire way of ensuring he didn't do it.

But he trusted Cal – and he knew that the last thing Cal would want was for Ethan to face questions from the police.

Besides, why would Cal call the police when he had the chance to be the hero who rescued his little brother?

"He won't, Taylor," said Ethan. He sat down on the bed and felt a shudder go through him as he remembered the last time they'd shared a bed. He got up again, pacing the room, his hands in his hair.

"I'm sorry, Ethan." Taylor's voice was shaking. "I know how this looks. Believe me, if things were different I wouldn't have come. I'd have wanted to. I want to see you every day for the rest of my life, but I know I have no right to expect anything from you. We had something special and I threw it away and there isn't a day when I don't regret that. But this is how things are… and I had to see you."

Ethan's heart quivered, but he somehow stood firm. "But how can I believe you, Taylor? How can I believe anything you say?"

Taylor looked away.

"Why are you here?" Ethan asked in a shaking voice as his gaze went to the baby again.

She was so beautiful. Just like her mother.

Taylor looked at the baby, then at Ethan. "We need your help."

Ethan felt his legs giving way. He sank to the floor.

He should have known. He _had_ known. Taylor didn't want _him_. She needed help because she'd escaped from prison and she'd come to Ethan because he was besotted enough to do anything for her.

"Ethan…" Taylor stood up and moved towards him. "Are you okay?"

She froze as someone knocked at the door.

"Ethan, it's me. Open the door," said Cal.

Ethan tried to stand up. He couldn't.

"Ethan. If you don't answer the door, I'm going to call the police right now," said Cal.

Ethan crawled to the door and dragged himself to his feet. "One moment, Cal. Sorry." He unlocked the door.

Cal charged in and enfolded Ethan in his arms, holding him tightly. "I'm here, Ethan. I'm here."

Ethan clung to him, so glad to see his big brother.

"It's going to be okay," said Cal, rubbing circles on Ethan's back. "We'll sort this."

Ethan felt himself calming slightly. He gently released himself from his brother's arms but stayed close to him. Cal put a protective arm around him.

Then he felt Cal freeze. "What the hell is that?"

Taylor quailed in the face of his anger and Ethan pulled away from his brother. "Please don't speak to her like that."

Cal looked at Ethan with an incredulous expression that faded to sympathy. "Taylor, who is this?" he asked more calmly.

"She's just 'baby girl' for now," said Taylor. "I have an idea for her name. I wanted to choose a name that would mean something to you, Ethan. But I wanted to ask you first."

Ethan grabbed Cal's arm to keep himself upright. "So she is… mine?"

"Ethan, you can't believe a word she says!" said Cal. "She's a liar. She's obviously on the run from prison and she knew you were the only person who'd help her. I think you'd better go, Taylor. Now."

"Ethan?" said Taylor.

Ethan shook his head helplessly, unable to think.

"Okay. I'll go," Taylor said in a small voice. She picked up the baby carrier from the bed and took a step towards the door. A moment later, she dropped to her knees with a scream.

Cal applauded sarcastically. "Oh, bravo. Give the lady an Oscar!"

Trembling, Ethan crouched beside Taylor, putting his arm around her. "Come on. Let's get you back on the bed. It's okay. No: leave the baby where she is."

Taylor was shaking too and she looked like she was in severe pain. She let Ethan to help her back to the bed.

"Lie back for a second," said Ethan, trying to pretend she was just another patient, but then he saw something that made him gasp aloud. "Taylor, you're… you're bleeding."

"Am I?" half-sobbed Taylor.

"It's probably related to… to giving birth, but it's not always a sign there's something wrong." Ethan half-glanced towards the baby again. "When was she born?"

"23rd September," said Taylor, smiling slightly despite the pain. "4.47pm."

"And have you received any medical attention since the birth?"

"No," said Taylor in an ashamed voice. "We had to run."

"Right," said Ethan. It wasn't good, but all he could do was deal with the situation as it was now.

 _But how am I going to deal with it? What am I going to do?_

"Ethan?" said Cal anxiously.

"I'm fine, Cal." Ethan began to examine Taylor's stomach. Although she'd looked slim, he could now clearly feel the baby weight she was trying to hide. If there was ever any doubt about the identity of the baby's mother, it was gone now. Taylor had recently given birth.

But the father…

The father would have to wait.

Taylor gasped with pain again, her body arching.

"It's okay, Taylor," said Ethan. "I'll look after you. I'll work out what's wrong with you wrong with you and we'll deal with it."

The baby was still screaming.

"Cal, can you deal with the baby, please?" said Ethan. The poor little thing was probably so frightened and Ethan longed to comfort her, but he was afraid that once he did, he would be completely lost.

Ethan felt Taylor's forehead. "She's burning up. Taylor, obviously I want you to have the best treatment possible and the best thing would be to take you down to the ED."

Panic came into Taylor's voice. "No, we can't be seen!" She tried to sit up and gave a hiss of pain.

"It's okay," said Ethan, even though he was terrified. Taylor was clearly unwell and what if something was wrong with the baby too? "Try to stay calm, sweetheart. It's going to be okay. I'm here." He stroked her hair. It felt rougher than it had before, but it still did the same things to his heart.

" _Ethan_ ," Cal said warningly.

Ethan ignored him. "Okay, Taylor, we need to work out what's wrong. We'll do whatever we can. I promise. I respect your wishes about where you want to be treated and we'll treat you up here if we possibly can."

"Promise!" Taylor's voice was small, but her gaze was powerful. "Promise you won't take me down there."

Ethan swallowed. "We can't take you anywhere without your permission." He wasn't sure what he'd do if Taylor's only chance of survival was to go to the ED, but he hoped and prayed he wouldn't have to make that decision.

"And whatever happens, you can trust us not to call the police," said Ethan. "You're our patient and you've given us no reason to believe you're a danger to yourself or to another person, so we have no reason to call the police."

Cal snorted, but made no comment.

"It's going to be okay, Taylor," said Ethan. He held her hand for a moment. "I'm right here, darling."

"Thank you, Ethan." Taylor tried to smile.

Ethan smiled back, then went over to Cal. "She's losing blood and she needs IV fluids."

"Right: then we're taking her downstairs," said Cal.

"Not yet, Cal. Let's just think about this."

Cal grabbed his arms. "No, no, no, Ethan! We are not risking our jobs for her."

Ethan looked at him pleadingly. "But if the baby is… _mine_ , and… and we take her downstairs… we might as well be turning her in. We could give a false name, but what if someone recognises her?" Ethan's eyes filled with tears. "And if they take Taylor, they'll take the baby away too. And if she's mine, I-" Ethan's throat closed up.

Cal looked torn. He rubbed Ethan's arms gently before releasing him. He took a step towards Taylor. "So, say it. Is she Ethan's?"

"I don't know," said Taylor softly.

Ethan had expected it. He'd even known it. But as he heard Taylor's words, something seemed to clamp around his heart. He tried to take a breath in, but it stopped with a kind of gasping sound.

Cal came back to him and caught him by the shoulders. "Ethan, are you okay?"

"Ethan?" said Taylor anxiously. "I didn't mean to upset you. I didn't mean to say it like that."

Ethan started to breathe again, but he couldn't look at Taylor. "You don't know if she's mine…" He couldn't keep the hurt out of his voice.

"She's probably yours," said Taylor. "I hope she's yours. I really hope so. Ethan, after our first time, I knew there couldn't be anyone else - and there wasn't. But before…."

Ethan stared at her. "After our first time, there wasn't…"

"How could there be?" said Taylor. She held out her hand. "When I knew what it could be like…"

Cal grabbed Ethan's arm. "Just stop it, Taylor! Ethan, listen to me. You can't trust her. You can't believe a word she says."

Ethan pulled away from Cal and took Taylor's hand. "I'm here, Taylor. I'll keep you and your baby safe. I promise. And if she's mine, I'll do everything I can to be a good father."

" _Ethan!_ " groaned Cal.

"Cal, Taylor probably knows all kinds of people on the wrong side of the law; people who would never consider turning her into the police because that's likely to throw a bit too much light on what _they're_ doing," said Ethan. "She probably did go to someone as she's got clothes and supplies for the baby. She could have left the area as soon as the baby was born. But she stayed in Holby and she's come to _me_. That has to mean something."

Cal looked unwilling. "I suppose so. Look, okay. Maybe she's telling the truth for once. But Ethan, I don't want… you know how you were when she left. I don't want you to go through that again."

"But if she stays with us…" said Ethan.

"For how long?" said Cal. "We can't harbour a wanted criminal, Ethan. I can't believe you're the one who's even suggesting it!

Ethan realised Cal had a point. "Okay. Let's not argue about it now. Our priority is Taylor's health – and the baby's health." He turned to Taylor. "Taylor, what name did you want to give to the baby?"


	11. Chapter 11

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. Cal and Ethan don't know about Emilie, but Matilda is a possibility! Cal does want to protect Ethan, but it must be so difficult for Ethan, hearing Cal being quite rude to the woman he can't help loving.

 **Tanith Panic** , it doesn't sound daft - I wouldn't want anyone to be in pain, even if I hate them. Very few people deserve to be in pain. Dylan's dad, maybe! Horrible man. I think Ethan's trying not to put his heart above his head, but he's not really doing the best job. I'm glad you like the cliffhanger! Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , it's probably not the best idea to like Taylor too much! It certainly hasn't done Ethan any good. It's really lovely that you're even vaguely thinking about liking her though! Ethan is trying hard to be sensible, but Taylor is very good at having power over men! Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for reviewing. I know it must be difficult for you at the moment. I think that's very true about Taylor - she does just want to be loved. But she's probably never been loved by anyone before and doesn't really know how. And she also loves her money and security: two other things she probably never had growing up.

* * *

Taylor looked at the baby carrier and her face seemed to soften. Even though she probably couldn't see the baby inside, her eyes lit up with love and a smile came to her face.

 _She loves her_ , thought Ethan. _Not even Cal could doubt that she loves her._

It was a while before Taylor looked back at Ethan. There was anxiety on her face as she finally replied to his question. "I'd really like to call her Matilda."

Ethan felt a flutter of emotion around his heart.

"I can't believe this!" said Cal angrily.

"After my mother?" said Ethan, the words catching in his throat. He swallowed convulsively. He knew Cal wouldn't like it… but Ethan was so, so touched that Taylor had remembered. He'd told her so little about his mother, mainly because he still found it difficult, but he loved the idea of naming his child after her and he loved Taylor even more for intuitively knowing that.

She must love him a little bit… mustn't she?

Unless it was a trick. Another way of persuading him to do what she wanted. Ethan didn't want to believe it, but he knew that was what Cal was thinking. He could tell from the look of disgust on his brother's face.

"I haven't started calling her it yet," said Taylor nervously. "It didn't seem right to do it without asking you."

"Well, at least you have that much conscience!" spat Cal.

Ethan stood up. He went over to the baby carrier and knelt down beside it. The baby had stopped screaming, but she was still whimpering slightly. "Hey, Matilda."

"You're not actually going to call her that!" shouted Cal.

"That's what Taylor wants to call her," said Ethan.

"She has no right!"

Ethan turned and looked steadily at his brother. "She has every right. She's Matilda's mother. And whatever Taylor has or hasn't done, you can't blame this beautiful little girl. It's not her fault." Ethan carefully lifted her from the baby carrier, his heart melting at the soft baby weight in his arms. "Look at her, Cal. Just look at her!" Ethan gazed at Matilda for a moment, then hugged her close to him.

He was a dad. He was Matilda's dad.

How could he not be when he already loved her so much?

Ethan was close to tears again - but he'd never been so happy. "Matilda, my name's Ethan - no... well, yes... but you can call me Daddy. Because I am your daddy! Aren't you a beautiful little girl! Just like your mummy."

"I hope she's a bit better-behaved!" said Cal.

"I know everything's a bit scary," said Ethan to Matilda. "Your mummy's feeling a little bit poorly – she's just a bit tired - but we're going to do everything we can, okay, sweetheart?"

Those eyes. Those beautiful, beautiful eyes.

Ethan knew he was drowning and no lifebelt could save him. He reached out a finger and stroked the baby's cheek. "It's okay, Matilda. It's okay."

"I suppose she's quite sweet, as babies go," said Cal, "but this isn't actually helping, Ethan. While you're cooing over your _possible_ first-born, her mother is bleeding. If we're going to treat Taylor up here, we really need to make a start."

"Okay," said Ethan shakily. "You're right. I'll just put you down for a minute, sweetheart, okay?" He kissed Matilda's forehead and put her gently back into the baby carrier. "There. You just wait there, darling. If you need anything, just shout, and I'll be there." He turned to Taylor. "She's so beautiful."

"She is," agreed Taylor. "So precious."

"We need to do a blood gas," said Cal shortly.

"Okay," said Ethan. _I'm a dad. I'm a dad!_

He realised Cal was looking at him expectantly.

"What, me?" Ethan looked at Cal in horror. "No, Cal! You'll have to go. I can't leave Taylor and Matilda."

"That's exactly _why_ you've got to go!" said Cal. "I can't leave you alone with her, Ethan. She might say anything and okay, it might be the truth, but how can you be sure?"

Ethan looked pleadingly at Cal. "Please let me stay with them."

"No! Besides, if I go, how do you know I won't call the police?" said Cal. "I can't do it here. Not without Taylor trying to get the phone off me and then potentially running off in this condition. As a doctor, I can't allow that. My first duty is to my patient. But if I'm running around down there all by myself…"

Ethan knew he was right. He didn't think Cal would call the police, but he wasn't in any state to be sure of anything except that he loved Taylor and he loved Matilda. "Okay. Fine. I'm on it." He turned back to Taylor. "Taylor, I need to get some medical equipment so I can get some fluids into you – like we did when we helped you before – and take some bloods. I'll be back as soon as I can. If you start to feel worse or you get any other symptoms, just tell Cal, okay? I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Thank you," whispered Taylor.

"You're welcome." Ethan touched her shoulder lightly and returned her smile. He walked over to the door and stopped, looking down at Matilda.

Matilda gave a small, gurgling cry.

"Can I take her with me?" said Ethan.

"Of course you can't!" said Cal. "Don't be stupid, Ethan. You're going to attract all sorts of attention, carrying a baby around the place! And the fact you even asked me that shows how attached you're getting." He calmed his voice with an obvious effort. "It really is best if you leave her here. You'll have a lot to carry anyway."

"You might have to change her nappy," Ethan warned him.

"Then it's much better she stays here with all the nappies and stuff," said Cal. "Taylor can tell me what to do." He took Ethan by the shoulders and turned him towards the door. "Go on, Ethan. Go!"

"Right. Yes." Ethan smiled at the baby carrier. "Bye, Matilda. I'll be back soon, my beautiful baby girl."

"Ethan!"

"All right, Cal. I'm going."

 _I'm a dad. I'm a dad._

Ethan knew it wasn't definite. They couldn't know for definite until he'd had a paternity test, but he loved Matilda. Being separated from her was causing him physical pain and he was far more terrified of not seeing Taylor and Matilda again than he was of getting caught stealing equipment.

He knew that taking the equipment would be more difficult than last time. The ED had been in chaos after a digger had gone through the wall of the ED, also injuring several people. Later that day, Connie had been arrested. Zoe had managed to cover up for him and Cal after they'd stolen equipment to help Taylor after she was stabbed, but they'd been lucky. A bit of missing morphine, for once, had been easy to brush under the carpet.

Even so, Ethan would normally have confessed his guilt and taken the punishment, but he'd been in no state to think of anything but Taylor and by the time he had remembered, Cal and Zoe had already dealt with it and he knew that bringing the matter up again would only cause trouble for them. He couldn't let that happen after all the support they'd given him.

This time, there were no distracting crises in the ED as far as Ethan was aware. Lily was devastated, of course, but she'd gone home. Alicia hadn't had a great day, but…

Oh gosh. _Alicia_. Cal was supposed to be taking Alicia out for dinner. In all the drama, Ethan forgotten all about it. He hoped she wasn't too upset and that Cal had provided her with some sort of reasonable explanation, but there was nothing Ethan could do about it now. He didn't think he had Alicia's number – and he really needed Cal with him.

And Lily… Ethan had abandoned her when she'd lost her father. She'd understood why, but he still felt terrible. He got his phone out to call her but realised he couldn't. If he explained about Matilda, Lily would probably worry and he didn't want that. It also seemed a bit insensitive to talk about being a father when Lily had lost her own. He sent a quick text instead: _I hope you're okay. I'm so sorry x_ and then headed for the store cupboard.

He wanted to do more to support Lily. He wanted to be sure Cal hadn't broken Alicia's heart as he had many so other girls'. But he had two other girls to consider now: two girls who were even more important. His daughter and his… girlfriend? Partner? Future wife? Ethan hadn't considered it earlier – he'd been too shocked - but perhaps it was right to ask Taylor to be his wife. It had been what he'd wanted once, more than anything; what he'd planned to do.

He knew he still loved her – and she was lying up in the on-call room, feeling ill and frightened. Ethan doubted that Cal was very much comfort, though he couldn't be angry with him. All Cal wanted was to protect Ethan from more heartbreak and Ethan appreciated it.

But all Ethan wanted was to take care of Taylor and Matilda. Forever.

In a moment, Lily and Alicia were forgotten. He had to consider his family now.

Ethan darted into the cupboard and collected what he needed. He didn't know why he was dodging around. He was Dr Ethan Hardy. He wasn't in his scrubs and he wasn't on shift, but he wasn't required to wear scrubs and no-one he saw was likely to know his shift pattern. He'd probably have looked a lot less suspicious if he'd just walked into the cupboard as though he had every right to go in there, but no-one had stopped him so everything was okay.

But it wasn't okay. Taylor was ill and although Matilda might be fine, it was possible she hadn't been checked over either.

 _I'm a dad…_

 _I still love Taylor… I love Matilda…_

 _What am I going to do? Can I really trust anything she says?_

 _Please be okay, Taylor. Please._

Ethan's eyes filled with tears, but he didn't have time to cry. He went to the door and opened it, looking out into the corridor through eyes so blurred, he really couldn't see if anyone was coming or not. He thought about taking his glasses off so he could wipe his eyes, but that would probably draw even more attention to him. He hurried through the door instead, but he tripped over the step and fell to the floor with a thump.


	12. Chapter 12

**X-Sammii-X** , Cal is worried the baby isn't Ethan's and it's all another trick - he doesn't want to fall for Tilly till he's sure. But she is rather irresistible, so you never know what might happen! Ethan really does love Taylor - we can only hope she deserves it! Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. That's a very good observation - Ethan finds it difficult to deal with Cal's anger at the best of times and he's so emotional at the moment, he could very easily take exception to something Cal says. You'll have to wait and see about Taylor!

 **Panicatcasualty123** , thank you for your review. It's usually Cal who gets carried away and Ethan who has to be the calm one, so it's interesting writing things the other way round! I loved the way Ethan fell head over heels for Matilda when she was his niece, so I thought it would happen even more quickly when he's the possible dad.

 **Tanith Panic** , Lily agreed to let Ethan go, but poor Alicia has no idea who Taylor is or what's going on! All she knows is Cal left her for another girl. Ethan fell over in the episode and I wanted to include it, but at least this time he didn't drop Matilda! I'm glad you care for Taylor. I don't think many people do! Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , I'm really glad you don't hate Taylor. I can't promise she'll behave any better in this reality, but I have tried not to make her all bad. Ethan really is starting to lose himself. I think he has the right instincts - to love and care for the baby and her mother - but this is Taylor, after all! Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you **Panicatcasualty123** for the follow._

* * *

Cal wasn't sure he'd ever hated anyone more.

Taylor looked rather pathetic lying there, her eyes closed and her face pale. She also looked extremely beautiful. But Cal could only hate her for what she'd done to Ethan. It would have been wrong to do it to any man, but Cal couldn't understand why she hadn't got out as soon as she'd realised what Ethan was like. Perhaps some men deserved it to an extent – Cal could include himself in that: perhaps a player deserved to be played – but Ethan wasn't like that. He was sweet and kind and could never hurt anyone.

Taylor jerked out of her semiconscious doze. "Where's the baby?"

"She's over there," said Cal, nodding towards the baby carrier. "She's fine."

"I can't hear her," said Taylor fretfully.

"Maybe she's asleep," said Cal.

"Can you check for me? Please?" Taylor's eyes fastened on Cal's.

She certainly had power. And sex appeal. But she'd still broken Cal's baby brother's heart, only to come back into his life just when he was finally getting towards recovering from the damage she'd inflicted.

"Look: whatever you think of me, it's not her fault," said Taylor.

Cal glared at her, but he knew she was right. He couldn't blame the baby.

He walked over to the baby carrier and looked into it. The baby – _Matilda_ : there probably wasn't much chance of changing that, but how Taylor had the nerve really took Cal's breath away – was lying still, her eyes closed. Cal checked that she was breathing. "She's fine."

"Thank you," said Taylor. Her relief and gratitude sounded genuine.

But she'd said a lot of things that sounded genuine.

Cal looked at Matilda again. Poor innocent little baby. If she stayed with Taylor, she probably wasn't going to have much of a life. If Taylor went back to prison, Matilda would only be able to stay with her until she was eight or nine months old - then she'd be put into care, unless she persuaded Ethan to look after her. If Ethan was the father, that was only right, but Cal couldn't trust her word on anything. If they went on the run, which was much more likely to be Taylor's intention – surely even she couldn't expect Ethan to spend the rest of her life shielding her from the law - Matilda would never have a home because Taylor would probably have to keep moving around to ensure they weren't caught.

Cal was shocked by an urge to scoop Matilda up and keep her safe, but perhaps that wasn't so very surprising. She was a beautiful girl, after all, and Cal had always enjoyed rescuing beautiful girls.

The question was whether he wanted to – or ought to – add Matilda to his list.

* * *

Ethan was shocked and hurt, but his speed of thought hadn't deserted him. He quickly gathered up everything from the floor, reassuring a passing nurse that he was completely fine and so were his glasses. His glasses were actually smashed and his arm was hurting, but neither problem seemed too serious in comparison with what was waiting for him in the on-call room.

His _daughter_. And the woman he'd once thought was his whole life.

Ethan hurried back, ignoring the pain in his arm, and pushed open the door to the on-call room open as best he could with a bruised arm.

Cal came to help him. "Ethan, are you okay? What happened to your glasses?"

"They… fell off," said Ethan, not wanting to get into his own mild injury when Taylor needed help so badly. He allowed himself a quick moment to whisper hello to the sleeping Matilda, then moved to Taylor's side. She looked paler and more lethargic than when he'd left. "How are you?"

Taylor opened her eyes. "Been better," she murmured.

Ethan took her hand. "I'm sorry I was so long."

Cal took some of the equipment from Ethan. "Okay, we need to hurry. She's been vomiting, so I think it's a nutrient infection with sepsis."

"Oh my goodness!" said Ethan. He stroked Taylor's hair. "Oh, Taylor… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken so long."

"Not your fault," whispered Taylor as her eyes closed again.

Ethan's throat ached. She couldn't be all bad. Not if she wanted to make him feel better.

"Come on, Ethan. We can do this," said Cal. "But we need you to be calm, okay? Taylor needs you to be calm. Matilda needs you to be calm."

Ethan shook his head helplessly and got to his feet. He tried to look at Cal through his cracked glasses, but they were useless. He tore them off impatiently and flung them aside, hearing them clatter but not caring. "You're right. I think we do need to take her downstairs." He was shaking. "If she's got an infection like that, it could kill her! I can't take any risks with her. I can't!" He turned imploringly to Taylor. "Please, Taylor! Please let us take you downstairs."

Taylor moaned softly. "You… you promised …"

"Yes, I know we did," said Ethan brokenly. "But we didn't know then how serious it was then. Please, Taylor."

Taylor moaned again. "No, Ethan. If you… love me…"

Ethan looked at Cal, through eyes blurred with tears and short-sightedness. The doctor in him said he had to keep trying to persuade Taylor to go downstairs. But the man who loved her couldn't bear to say no.

"I think we can do this, Ethan," said Cal. "We just need to contain it. She'll need antibiotics."

Ethan really didn't know anymore. He didn't know anything except that he loved Taylor and he might lose her.

"Right: we need 175mg of gentamicin and 500mg of clindamycin," said Cal. "I'll stay here and get those fluids into her."

Ethan wiped his hands across his eyes and tried to stay in control. "Can you go, Cal, please?"

Cal shook his head. "Ethan, I really don't think you're in any state to treat Taylor. There's a reason why they don't let us treat relatives."

"That's why I don't think I'm in any state to go sneaking around, stealing antibiotics!" said Ethan, as he tried to fight back more tears. "I'm half-blind and nearly crying, Cal. How can I not attract attention? Besides, I can probably put a line in in my sleep, but I could so easily walk into the wrong cupboard. Then I'd have to find the right shelf. And… and you treated _me_."

"We were desperate!" said Cal. "And to be honest, I'd have been in a far worse state treating anyone else because at least when I was with you, I knew I hadn't lost you."

Ethan wiped his eyes again. "That's how I feel. Every minute I'm away form her, I'm going to be scared to death that… something's happened. Please don't make me leave her, Cal. Please."

Cal looked torn. "Okay, but I need you to stay in control for me. I know you're terrified. I know you're distraught. Anyone would be. But if I leave you, you've got to be the doctor and treat Taylor. You can't let your feelings come into it at all. Okay? Do you think you can do that?"

"I've got to," said Ethan, his voice calmer now. "I can do this. Please go and get Taylor's antibiotics. I'll be fine."

Cal hesitated, then nodded. "Okay." He gave Ethan a hug. "I'm proud of you, little brother, okay? I'll be back soon."

He hurried out. Ethan took another couple of seconds to compose himself fully, then he turned back to Taylor.

She was watching him. Her face was pale and waxy, but her eyes were fixed on him. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. Of course. I'm fine," said Ethan. He heard Matilda giving tiny baby cries from the corner of the room. "Would you like me to bring her a bit closer to you?"

The corners of Taylor's mouth lifted. "Yes, please."

"Okay." Ethan picked up the baby carrier, smiling at Matilda. "Taylor, she's so beautiful. Just like you."

"Do you want to hold her?" said Taylor.

Ethan gently put the baby carrier down beside Taylor. "I would love to, but I really need to get some fluids into you first." He stuck his head through the handles of the baby carrier and kissed Matilda on the cheek. "I'm sorry, darling. We'll have a cuddle later. I promise." He tried to take his head out again. "Oh gosh: I'm stuck! No, it's okay. I'm fine." He withdrew his head and went to the other side of the bed. He took hold of Taylor's arm, turning it over and pressing it as he looked for a suitable vein.

"I'd sacrifice anything… do anything… so that she can have the best possible life," said Taylor.

Ethan's hand shook slightly. He was glad he wasn't holding the needle. "Then you must see that she deserves better than a life on the run. That's no life for anyone. Especially not a baby."

Taylor's voice broke. "What choice have I got, Ethan? I have no-one. My foster family kicked me out when I was sixteen. I had no qualifications. No experience of course. No references. No confidence either. I wasn't even much to look at then. All I could do was lie and after a while, I became good at it. I'd never been good at anything before."

Ethan could see how it had happened. He'd imagined it so many times as he'd tried to convince himself Taylor wasn't all bad. She'd had no-one until her associate had appeared and offered her a career. A road to what looked like happiness. And finally, the chance to do the one thing she felt she was good at.

"And that's the life she'll have if I go back to prison," said Taylor, her voice trembling. "She'll be pushed around foster homes growing up, knowing she's a spare part no-one wants. Just like I was."

" _I_ wanted you," said Ethan. "More than anything. If you'd stayed, I'd have asked you to marry me."

Taylor stared at him in shock. "Ethan. I love you so much. You're the only person I've ever loved apart from Matilda. You're so good and kind and... there's no-one in the world more special than you. I so hope Matilda grows up like you and not like me. I want that more than anything. Please say you don't hate me, Ethan!"

"I… um… hold still for a minute, please." Ethan inserted the cannula and breathed a couple of times. Then he turned slowly to look at her. "Of course I don't hate you, Taylor. I love you. I always have. I probably always will."

"Then come with us!" said Taylor, her eyes bright.


	13. Chapter 13

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. Matilda obviously takes after her mother in some respects - she's got Ethan completely under her spell! I think Cal would be devastated if Ethan left, but Matilda really does need Ethan. It's hard to imagine Taylor being a good mother.

 **Becs2202** , thank you for your review. It certainly wouldn't be the best idea for Ethan to go on the run with Taylor and Matilda. He's more sensible than Cal as a rule, but he's also much more in love with her than Cal was at this point. I considered both options!

 **X-Sammii-X** , Cal can never resist a pretty girl, and Matilda is certainly one of those! I'm glad you like the way I wrote Ethan's emotions. I rewrote those parts quite extensively at the last minute so it's a relief to know I probably made the right decision. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I'm glad Taylor seems sincere - she always was good at that! I also don't want Ethan to look completely stupid if he starts believing her again. I love the fact you're wondering, even though you know what she's capable of. There are so many reasons why they shouldn't go on the run!

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for reading and reviewing the story - I'm really glad you liked it. I thought a lot of the episode would go ahead as before, though I wanted to give Cal his own story and I never felt he had a future with Ruby, so lucky Alicia gets him a year early! If she forgives him. But some things will happen earlier, as you say.

 **InfinityAndOne** , getting caught up in Taylor's vision of their perfect future is a danger with Ethan - although he is usually very practical and logical, he's in love with Taylor and she can be very persuasive. I wanted to make Cal's hatred of Taylor really strong - and this time, there's no love mixed in! Thank you for your review.

* * *

"Come… come with you?" echoed Ethan.

"I need you," said Taylor. "I can't do this alone. Even if I could, I don't want to." She smiled at Ethan. "Ethan, come with us. Please."

"Oh… oh gosh… I don't know…"

"Look, we need to go now," said Taylor. "If Cal knows, he'll never let us leave."

Ethan shook his head. "No. We… we can't. Not like this. You're seriously ill. And what would we do? How could we live? I wouldn't be able to work and then how could I support us?"

Taylor looked on the point of tears. "Oh, Ethan, please!"

Ethan gazed at her helplessly. He listened to the happy babbling of his daughter, who had no idea what was going on around her. No idea of the life her mother was expecting her to lead.

But there was only one answer he could give and he gave it. "No."

"Ethan-"

"You said you'd sacrifice anything for Matilda," said Ethan. "And this isn't forever. Turn yourself in, Taylor. Serve your time."

"No!" said Taylor. "They'll take her."

"I don't think they will," said Ethan. "If you're right, then I'll look after her, but I think they'll take it into account that you surrendered yourself. You can keep Matilda with you for the first eight months and I'll visit you both. Then I'll look after Matilda. I'll bring her to visit you every week until you're released. More often if they'll let me. And then, when you're out, we can be together. As a family."

Taylor shook her head.

"You said you wanted to do the right thing for her," said Ethan desperately. "Having a mother who's an escaped convict… it's not the life she deserves. It's not the life I want for my daughter. I know she'll have two parents who love her, but will it really be much different from being in a foster home? She'll still have to move around; never settled in one place. It will be hard for her to get any proper schooling; to make friends… we can't let that happen, Taylor. Not to our child. And if we do get caught – and we probably will, sooner or later – then she will be taken away. From both of us."

They were interrupted when the door opened and Cal entered."How's she doing, Ethan? She does look better. Have you got some fluids into her?"

Ethan looked down at the cannula. "Um, no."

Cal seemed to sense he'd interrupted something. "Okay. Come over here and let me deal with it."

Ethan gave Taylor another pleading look and walked to the other side of the bed. He took Matilda from the baby carrier and jogged her gently in his arms. "Hello, my sweetheart. I know this is all a bit different, but you're doing really well. We're going to get Mummy all better, then we've got a bit more talking to do, then we can begin the rest of our life together." He kissed Matilda's forehead, feeling love bubbling up inside him. "I know you don't know me yet, but I'm your daddy, Matilda. And I love you so much."

"Ethan, you can't be sure of that," said Cal, now working busily at Taylor's side.

"I love you so much and I'm going to do my best for you," said Ethan, ignoring his brother. "I'm going to do everything I can to give you the life you deserve."

He paused, waiting for Cal's objections, but this time, none came.

"And we'll all be really happy," said Ethan. "You'll have lots of new toys and lots of nice clothes and-"

"Taylor?" said Cal. "Hey, Taylor?"

Ethan swung to face them, his grip instinctively tightening on the baby. "What's happening, Cal?"

"Taylor, come on," said Cal urgently.

"Taylor?" said Ethan fearfully. "Taylor! Oh God, Cal, do something!"

Cal spoke firmly. "Ethan, calm down. I'm just getting some fluids into her now. Then I'll start with the antibiotics. I brought a BP monitor with me and we've got an oximeter for oxygen sats and pulse rate. We can measure her resps ourselves. If things start getting worrying, all we need to do is get her down to the ED, okay?"

"Okay," said Ethan faintly, though he wasn't sure at all. He turned back to Matilda, trying to speak calmly despite the whirl of emotions inside him. "It's going to be okay, sweetheart. It's going to be fine. Uncle Cal's looking after Mummy, and I might have to go and help him, but for now, I'm here."

He looked over at the bed again. Taylor was lying so still and he didn't think he could bear it.

"Antibiotics going in now," said Cal.

"Promise me we'll take her down to the ED if we need to?" said Ethan.

"I promise," said Cal.

Ethan swallowed a sob. "I… I can't lose her, Cal."

"I know, Ethan. Whatever I might think of the woman, you love her. And I'm a doctor." Cal gave Ethan a quick smile. "I'll do my best for her. I promise."

"Thank you," said Ethan in a choked voice. He rocked Matilda in his arms. "It's going to be okay, Matilda. Uncle Cal's going to look after Mummy. He's going to do everything he can."

* * *

Cal checked Taylor's vital signs again and let out a sigh of relief. It wasn't that he cared about Taylor and he personally thought Ethan and Matilda would be a lot better off without her, but he knew it would have broken Ethan's heart if he hadn't been able to save her. He didn't want to see his brother go through that.

It was going to be bad enough when Taylor inevitably left him again.

"How is she?" asked Ethan, who was holding Matilda in his arms. She looked so innocent. She had no idea of how much trouble she'd caused – and Cal wasn't just thinking of her appearance in their lives. If Cal hadn't been so preoccupied with saving Taylor's life, he might have enjoyed watching Ethan's attempts to get to grips with nappy-changing. Ethan had got quite stressed over it. He'd even said 'damn' once or twice – and that was very strong for Ethan.

"She's doing better," said Cal. "BP's up. Pulse is stronger and not so fast." He decided not to point out that Taylor probably wouldn't have deteriorated if Ethan had got the fluids into her sooner. It wouldn't help matters and he couldn't be sure it was true. He stood up and came around to Ethan's side of the bed. "How are you two doing?"

Ethan smiled. "Matilda is wonderful. I'm… not quite so wonderful."

Cal sat beside him and ruffled his hair. "Oh, I don't know. I think you're doing great." He was tempted to add 'Daddy Nibbles', but it didn't seem the time to annoy Ethan and of course, Ethan might not be 'Daddy Nibbles' at all. "So, have you and Taylor made any decisions?"

"I'm trying to persuade Taylor to turn herself in," said Ethan.

 _Yeah, good luck with that!_ thought Cal.

"She might do it!" said Ethan, a bit defensively. "She can take Matilda with her – mothers can keep babies with them for the first eight months. I'll visit as often as I can. Then, when Matilda is eight months old, I'll take custody of her. We should have the paternity test results long before then, so there shouldn't be any problems, especially if I've been visiting her regularly. I'll look after her until Taylor is released and then…" Ethan looked shy. "Then we're going to be a family."

"Right," said Cal. "And what if the paternity test shows she's not yours?"

Ethan looked slightly hurt. "She probably is mine, Cal. Taylor and I were, um, together for a long time."

"Yeah, Ethan, but most babies are born at nine months?" said Cal. "So we're talking December, early January. Were you and Taylor sleeping together then?"

Ethan blushed. "Not, um, not all that time. Um, late January." He probably knew the exact date, but Cal didn't push it.

"So unless Matilda was born premature…"

"She might have been!" Ethan looked distraught. "She is very small and light."

"Let me have a look." Cal held out his arms.

Ethan held more tightly to Matilda.

"Look, Ethan, you can't keep hold of her forever, you know. And if you're right, she's my niece."

Ethan hesitated, then gave a reluctant nod.

Cal took the baby from Ethan's arms and smiled. "You know, you are pretty cute. You look like a little toad, but I'm sure you're going to turn into a princess. You're going to be breaking hearts when you grow up – just like your Uncle Cal!" He examined Matilda critically. "There are no obvious health issues, though if she is premature, we need to make sure she's had the requisite tests done. If Taylor didn't stay for treatment, it's possible Matilda wasn't fully checked over either."

"Yes, of course: we'll need to make sure of that," agreed Ethan. He looked desperately at Cal. "But what do you think? Is it possible she was premature?"

"I'm not an expert, but it's possible she was born at eight months," said Cal cautiously.

"Or perhaps a little bit less?" said Ethan.

"Or perhaps a little bit less," said Cal. He gave Ethan a serious look. "Or perhaps exactly on time and therefore not yours."

Ethan's mouth trembled. "Don't, Cal. Please don't."

"Ethan…"

"I know she might not be mine. Taylor did say she wasn't sure. But…" Ethan's breath was hitching. "But I can't take the chance. I have to do my best for both of them. Cal, I know I can't expect you to support me, but please don't oppose me because I need to do this and it's going to be so hard and I don't know if I can, but I've got to find the strength somewhere because they need me."


	14. Chapter 14

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I'm really happy you felt for all the characters. Everyone needs Ethan! He's so good at looking after people. You could be right about Taylor - she does love Ethan, but she also loves her freedom.

 **Tanith Panic** , I think it's natural for Ethan to help anyone who needs it - in Casualty, he stole medical equipment twice to save Taylor's life, even though he hated her. He's just lovely! But he also genuinely loves Taylor and Matilda. It is good Cal opened Ethan's eyes - if Ethan listened. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. Ethan does really want to be with Taylor and Matilda, but he wants to do it in the right way. I don't think Ethan could be happy on the run, even if it was the only way of being with Taylor and Matilda. Who could resist Matilda? She's adorable. Taylor doesn't know how lucky she is.

 **InfinityAndOne** , Cal didn't take it well when he discovered Matilda wasn't his daughter and it probably won't be any easier for Ethan. The 'real' Matilda had a wonderful way of making Cal step up and Ethan's Matilda is no different! Thank you for your review - I'm glad I made you smile! Your review made me smile.

* * *

Taylor stirred. Her eyes slowly opened. "Ethan…"

Ethan stroked her hair. "I'm here, sweetheart. So's Matilda. How are you feeling?"

"Ethan, I've decided." Taylor gazed into his eyes. "I'll turn myself in. Then when I'm out, we'll be together."

"Oh, Taylor!" breathed Ethan. "I'm so happy!"

"So, actually we could have done all this downstairs in the ED," said Cal, sounding annoyed.

"I'm sorry!" burst out Taylor. "I didn't think I'd do it. I didn't think anything would ever make me go back there. But talking to Ethan… he changed my mind, okay?"

"Shh, it's okay," said Ethan. He glared over his shoulder at Cal before turning back to his beautiful Taylor. "You're doing the right thing, darling. I promise. I love you, Taylor, and I love Matilda. We're a family now and I couldn't be happier."

Taylor's eyes were full of tears. "Oh, Ethan."

Ethan felt moisture building in his own eyes. "Don't cry, sweetheart. Everything's going to be all right now. You're not alone anymore." He kissed her, his heart swelling and throbbing with love. Then he moved from the bed to the floor, holding Matilda securely as he knelt beside the bed and reached for Taylor's hand. "Taylor, I loved you from the first moment I saw you. You've given me the happiest moments of my life so far. Your love, courage and kindness has made me a better person and all I can do now is hope and dream and pray that you will agree to be my wife and make me better still. I love you, Taylor. Will you marry me?"

Taylor was sobbing. "Oh, yes, Ethan! Yes, of course I'll marry you."

Ethan stared at Taylor, hardly able to believe it.

Matilda gave a small gurgle.

"Yes, I know, Matilda! Isn't it wonderful? Your mummy wants to marry me!" Ethan sat on the bed and put his arm around Taylor. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Ethan," wept Taylor. "Always. Forever. I never stopped. Ethan, I'm so, so sorry."

"Please don't apologise," said Ethan as he stroked her hair. "I know things were difficult, but you're safe now, darling." He kissed Taylor, then Matilda. "You don't have to run anymore." He held her till she'd stopped crying, then he turned to his brother, hardly able to believe what he was about to say. "Cal, we're getting married!"

* * *

It felt like a long time before Cal was able to say the words. "Congratulations. I hope you'll both be happy."

He thought he sounded grudging, but he actually meant every word. He'd never wanted Ethan to prove him wrong more.

"Thank you, Cal," said Ethan.

"Thank you," said Taylor. "Future brother-in-law!"

"Yes. I suppose I will be." Cal couldn't hide the concern he was feeling. "So, um… this is obviously a family moment, so I'll leave you to it. When exactly are you going to… leave? I'd like to… say goodbye." His eyes were on Matilda rather than Taylor. He had to admit he could see why Ethan loved her. She looked so adorable, curled so trustingly into Ethan's shoulder.

But the main reason why Cal wanted to be there at the moment of parting was because he knew it would break Ethan's heart.

"I think we should stay here for a little while, till Taylor's fully recovered," said Ethan. "If she… left now, she'd likely be transferred to another hospital. I really think she'll be better off staying here. But once she's recovered…" His voice shook slightly.

"Okay: I'll give you a couple of hours," said Cal.

He wouldn't go far. He knew he couldn't trust Taylor an inch. He'd go around the corner and call Alicia: see if he could salvage some of his own love life. And if Taylor did a runner, he'd be there to stop her.

"Um, I don't suppose you could do something for me?" said Ethan.

"Sure," said Cal guardedly.

"Could you get Mum's ring for me, please? I think Taylor should wear it."

"You want her to take Mum's ring into _prison_?" exploded Cal.

"Cal, Taylor's going to marry me," said Ethan. "She ought to wear the ring. And that way, she'll have a part of me with her always."

Cal tried not to make a face. He doubted Taylor would be allowed to wear it in prison: she'd have to hand it in at the desk with any other valuables. But he'd get it if that was what Ethan wanted. "Anything else?"

"Maybe some more things for Matilda to take with her?" said Ethan. "Maybe one of my old toys and one of my old books, so she'll have something of me? And some new things as well?"

Cal sighed. "Ethan…"

"Yes?"

 _You do know this is all a dream? You do know this is all going to fall apart? You do know you still can't trust a single word that woman says? You do know there's a very good chance this baby isn't even yours?_

Cal couldn't blame Ethan for believing her. Taylor looked convincingly happy and in love. Perhaps she did love him.

But she'd always loved her freedom more.

"Ethan, are you sure you want Taylor to take Matilda with her? You don't think she'd be better off with us?"

Some of the light dimmed from Taylor's eyes. "He has a point."

"Of course I'd love her to live with us, Cal, but Taylor's her mother," said Ethan. "She loves her and I think she's going to be happier if she's got Matilda with her."

 _And less likely to try to escape again? Is that what you're thinking?_ thought Cal.

He had to admit there was something in that. Taylor could have left Matilda behind when she'd escaped. She'd have had more chance on her own, but she'd taken her baby with her. Then she'd brought the baby to Ethan rather than leaving her on a doorstep or simply abandoning her at the hospital. Perhaps Taylor did love Matilda. Perhaps Ethan was being rather clever, in his worryingly lovesick way.

"Okay," said Cal. "I'll get the ring and a few things from home, then I'll go on a little shopping trip. I don't know how many places will be open at this time of night, but I'll see what I can do. Ethan, you look after your, um, family and I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Thank you," said Ethan with another smile. "Oh, and I'm sorry to be annoying, but you couldn't bring the ring back here before you do the other shopping? I'd really like Taylor to have it as soon as possible."

"Sure. Whatever you want," said Cal flatly.

* * *

Ethan took the ring box from Cal and hugged him. "Thanks, Cal. I really appreciate it."

"I hope Taylor does too," said Cal grimly.

"Oh, I do!" said Taylor from the bed. "Ethan's told me about the ring. How your mum wanted Ethan to give to the girl he loves. I'm so lucky he's giving it to me. So, so lucky, because I really don't deserve it – or him."

"I can't argue with that," said Cal under his breath.

Ethan looked sadly at Cal. He wished his brother could be happy for him, but he understood. Cal wanted to protect him from being hurt again.

"Right, I'll leave you to it then," said Cal. "I'll go and do some shopping." Despite his concern, he couldn't resist bending down and kissing Matilda's cheek. "See you, Toad."

Ethan wanted to ask him not to call her that, but he recognised that calling the baby by their mother's name was difficult for Cal. He took Matilda's hand. "Wave bye-bye to Uncle Cal, Matilda. That's right. Clever girl!"

"Thank you, Cal," said Taylor. "I know you're doing this for Ethan and Matilda, not me, but I appreciate it."

Cal looked like he wanted to say something cutting, but he settled for: "You're welcome."

When Cal had gone, Ethan took Taylor's hand in his and gently slid the ring onto her finger.

"I love it!" said Taylor. "I hope I can learn to be the kind of wife your mum would have wanted you to have."

"She'd have wanted me to have a wife who makes me happy," said Ethan. "And you do, Taylor. Only one girl has ever made me as happy as you – and that's our daughter."

* * *

Cal knew he was taking too long. Although he found plenty of nappies and other baby stuff he hadn't even known existed (Cal hadn't known what to buy, so he'd bought some of everything), finding new baby toys and books was a lot more difficult. He finally found a pink sheep which wasn't as completely tasteless as some of the other toys and a board book with pictures of animals.

He checked his phone, but there was nothing from Alicia. He'd tried calling her, but she'd rejected his call so he'd apologised in a text instead. Cal was disappointed to have no reply, but maybe it was for the best. Ethan was going to need all the support Cal could give him. Cal probably didn't have time for a girlfriend.

All the same, Cal hoped she wasn't too upset. He didn't want to break Alicia's heart, particularly not on her birthday.

* * *

Ethan felt himself waking. He was in a strange bed and there was someone in his arms, but he was happy. He knew exactly where he was. His dreams had been full of Taylor and Matilda, just as his arms were.

Matilda coughed and he opened his eyes, but something was wrong. There was only one person in his arms. Only Matilda.

Maybe Taylor had gone to the loo. Maybe that was what had woken him.

He sat up and looked around, listening. The door to the bathroom stood open. Taylor might still be in there, but…

And then he saw the piece of paper on the bed beside him, held down by Taylor's engagement ring. There was writing on it.

 _I'm sorry, Ethan._

 _It's better this way._

 _I'll always love you and Matilda xxx_

* * *

Cal opened the door of the on-call room, grimacing slightly as the sounds of crying filled the air. He'd have to get used to that once they got Matilda back from Taylor. "Yeah, okay, I know. I've been ages. But I've got everything and I-"

He stopped as he realised two people were crying. One was screaming as only a baby could. The other was giving breathless little sobbing gulps. The kind you couldn't fight back, no matter how hard you tried.

The third person wasn't there at all.

"Ethan?" said Cal.

"I… I was asleep a-and…" Ethan couldn't say any more. His shoulders jerked in time with his sobs and tears streamed from his eyes.

"Oh, Ethan," said Cal. He expected to feel angry and in a way, he did. But his main emotion was sadness. He sat on the bed and put his arms around Ethan and Matilda. "Ethan, I'm so sorry. I really hoped… I'm here, okay? You can get through this, Ethan. I know you can."


	15. Chapter 15

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Taylor actually left the ring behind - even now, she doesn't want to make money from Ethan, though she will save money by not having a baby to look after. It will be very difficult for Ethan - he's probably more heartbroken than Cal and he only has Cal to help him! Thank you for your review.

 **CBloom2** , don't worry. I feel a bit the same. I love watching the old episodes so much, but the current storylines aren't as engaging somehow, though I do love Sebastian. Unfortunately, it's quite difficult to write a story where Ethan doesn't suffer! But how else are you going to get caring Cal? Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you kind of respect Taylor - she does love Ethan enough not to want to take anything from him. But one thing she hasn't given back is Ethan's heart, so there is a lot more reason to dislike her, yes! Cal will probably be a good uncle - he can't resist a pretty face!

 **Tanith Panic** , Cal has so much experience of making big mistakes, I think he can understand how and why it's happening to Ethan a lot more easily than Ethan would have understood him. No, the pain probably won't be over till the story is! And there's a way to go yet... Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. It is sad to see Ethan getting his heart broken again, but she might have ended up hurting him a lot more. I thought Cal would do his best for Ethan, but this is Cal, so I didn't think he'd be able to keep all his little comments to himself! This story will basically follow the episodes.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. Maybe Taylor wasn't planning on leaving when she took the ring - it's difficult to be sure with Taylor. I think Cal is definitely getting attached! Cal will have a love interest in this story, but she's not as nice as you. Ethan won't be okay yet, but he's got his lovely brother.

* * *

Ethan paced up and down his bedroom, rocking Matilda in his arms and trying not to cry, but the tears kept coming. Just when he thought he'd finally got control of himself, another would fall and the one tear quickly became a flood.

He wanted to stop crying. He wanted to take care of his daughter and despite his tears, he'd changed Matilda's nappy, worked out how prepare some formula (Matilda had spat out the first mouthful all over Ethan's shirt, but she'd happily drank the rest) and even managed to burp her successfully.

He was happy Matilda was in his life. He loved his little girl. He would rather have lost Taylor for a second time than never to have known he had a daughter.

But there was an ache in Ethan's heart and remembering that Taylor had actually agreed to marry him was enough to turn Ethan's tears into sobs.

 _Why did you leave me again?_

 _Why did you tell me you loved me?_

 _Just… just_ why _, Taylor?_

* * *

Cal couldn't sleep.

Everything was going wrong and not just for him. Ethan and Matilda had lost Taylor. Lily had lost her father. Cal and Alicia had apparently lost each other.

Alicia had finally texted back: a rather sweet message, despite its contents. _Hey Cal, I'm really sorry, but I don't think I can cope with this right now. Please can we leave it? I'm still happy to work with you and I'm grateful for all your help today. Love Alicia xxx_

It could have been a lot worse. The second-most-polite message he'd received on a similar subject was probably: _Drop dead you moron_ , so this was a considerable improvement.

But Cal couldn't help thinking it was more than he deserved. He'd really had no choice but to go to Ethan and he knew he'd done the right thing, but that didn't change the fact he'd let Alicia down and clearly hurt her. She didn't know Ethan and Taylor's history, after all. She couldn't have known how important it was for Cal to be there for Ethan. He only wished he could tell her.

But not even Alicia could occupy Cal's thoughts for long. Ethan's whole life had been changed in a moment. He was a dad - at least until they got the results of the paternity test.

 _Oh God, I hope Ethan's okay._

 _But how can he be?_

Cal sat up and listened. He could hear the faint sound of Matilda crying.

He had a feeling she might not be the only one.

* * *

Cal walked into Ethan's room without knocking. He looked at Ethan for a moment in growing concern, then he held out his arms. "Give the baby to me."

"No!" She was all Ethan still had of Taylor. He never wanted to let her go.

Cal walked over to Ethan and put his arm around him. "Come and sit down then."

Ethan shook his head. "It says on the internet that babies like it better when you keep moving."

Cal sighed and rubbed Ethan's back. "You need to get some sleep."

Ethan sniffed. "You don't get a lot of sleep when you have a baby."

"No, I know, but why not put her down for a bit?" said Cal. "She might sleep easier once she's in her carrier."

"I've tried!" said Ethan, through more tears. "She won't sleep, Cal! She needs her mummy. And I need her too, Cal…"

This time, he didn't resist when Cal gently took Matilda from him. Ethan turned his face into Cal's chest and sobbed.

"I've got you, Ethan. I've got both of you," said Cal. "And I know you can get through this. You're the strong one. You can get through anything."

Ethan continued to cry, his eyes like a pair of waterfalls. "Go on, Cal. Say it! She didn't love me. She never loved me. It was all an act!"

"Well…"

"Go on! Say it!" almost shouted Ethan.

Cal hesitated. "I'm not going to say she didn't love you, Ethan. I'm also not going to say she did. But I think she cared more for you than for anyone else."

Ethan felt his heart lift slightly as his hopes soared towards Cal's words and clung to them desperately. "Do you? Do you really?"

"Well, she's a con artist, Ethan," said Cal. "But first she gave your money back, then she didn't take Mum's ring with her. She must care about you a little bit."

Ethan's heart trembled, but then his hopes plummeted and shattered on the floor. "But not enough, Cal! She didn't love me enough!"

He felt Cal holding him more tightly. He heard Cal's voice shake slightly as he said: "I'm so sorry, Ethan. I wish it hadn't turned out like this. I really do."

"I love her so much, Cal," wept Ethan, his whole body seeming to ache with loss.

"I know, Ethan." This time, Ethan didn't object when Cal pushed him towards the bed and made him sit down. Cal put his arm around Ethan, holding Matilda against his other shoulder. "You will get over her."

Ethan wanted to believe him, but he didn't know how the pain was ever going to go away. It hadn't before. He'd managed to get to the stage where he could function again, but his heart had still been in pieces.

Perhaps it always would be.

"How am I going to manage?" whispered Ethan, more tears overflowing. "How can I look after Matilda and do my job? I need…" He stopped. Saying he needed Taylor wasn't going to bring her back.

Cal stroked Ethan's back. "I think a lot of new parents feel like you, and they've had nine months to prepare for it! Try to get some sleep and then tomorrow we'll make some plans. I'm sure you can take paternity leave while we sort things out. The hospital's got a crèche, so she can stay there when we're both working. But you're not doing this on your own, Ethan. You've got me. And if Matilda is yours, I know you're going to be a great dad."

"How can you know that?" Ethan ignored the ' _if_ Matilda is yours' part. He knew she was his, but he didn't want to get into an argument about it.

"Because whatever you put your mind to, you always achieve it," said Cal.

Ethan sniffed. "What, like my FCEM?"

"Most people don't pass first time, Ethan. You'll get it next time. Easily. You were a bit young to be taking it anyway."

Ethan wiped his eyes. "But this is a bit different. It's not like passing an exam or performing a new procedure for the first time. I love Matilda and I want her to stay with me forever, but I have no idea if I'm going to be good at this because I've never done anything like it before."

"I know," said Cal. "But you can do it. And you have kind of done this before. You're always looking after me!" He held Ethan close to him. " _We_ can do it. Together."

* * *

Ethan wasn't sure he'd ever stop crying, but finally, his tears ran out. He stayed in Cal's arms for a moment, worn out by the force of his emotions as well as what had happened, then he slowly sat up and reached for a tissue, wiping the tears from his face and blowing his nose. "Sorry, Cal." He touched his daughter's hair lightly. "Sorry, Matilda. Daddy's fine."

"No, Daddy isn't fine!" said Cal. "Daddy needs to go to bed. And sleep! I'll call Connie tomorrow and tell her we're not well."

Ethan blinked up at him, unable to remember for a moment who Connie was. "Cal, you can't lie."

"You're not telling me you're in any condition to work."

Ethan wanted to argue, but he knew Cal was right. If he only had himself to consider, he'd have got through it somehow, but he had a baby now.

A beautiful baby girl who relied on him for everything.

A beautiful baby girl who had relied on her mummy for anything – only for her mummy to disappear.

 _However bad it is for me_ , thought Ethan, _it must be so much worse for Matilda. No wonder the poor sweetheart can't sleep!_

Though Matilda was very still in Cal's arms. If she hadn't drifted off to sleep at last, she wasn't far from it.

Ethan leaned over and planted a kiss on the side of her head. "I love you, Matilda," he whispered.

He had to get through this for Matilda. It was okay to struggle. It was okay to be upset. But he was a dad now and he had to make sure his beautiful little baby had everything in the world she needed. Especially love.

"I promise, Matilda. I'm going to do my best for you," said Ethan, his voice shaking. "I'm always going to love you and I'm never going to leave you."

He saw the look of concern on Cal's face, but all he said was: "Come on. Let's put Matilda back in her carrier and you can go to bed."

Ethan nodded, too tired to argue anymore. He watched as Cal put Matilda carefully inside the baby carrier. Ethan didn't think he'd ever seen him take so much care with anyone who wasn't a patient. Cal waited a moment or two, a smile on his face as he watched Matilda sleep, then he sat back down beside Ethan. "Is that okay?"

"Yes, that's okay." Ethan tried to smile. "Thank you, Cal."

Cal rubbed his shoulder. "Are you going to lie down then?"

Ethan nodded, but he didn't move. Lying down seemed like too much.

"Come on." Cal helped him to lie down and pulled the covers over him, then he sat on the bed beside Ethan. "Listen. I know it's been a shock. All of it. But we can do this, okay? The three of us."

Ethan gave a little sob. "But I wanted to do it with-" He quickly stopped himself. "I'm sorry. Thank you, Cal. I know I'm not doing a very good job of showing it, but I'm really grateful for everything you've done today."

Cal gave a sad smile and gripped Ethan's hand tightly. "I know, Ethan. I know."


	16. Chapter 16

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. Even though Ethan is completely heartbroken, I thought he'd be a conscientious and loving dad. Ethan really does need Cal's support at the moment.

 **X-Sammii-X** , you'll have to wait and see about the Huntington's gene, but I am planning on including that storyline. It is horrible for Ethan, but he loves Matilda already and he's glad to have her in his life. He probably couldn't manage without Cal though. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , this chapter won't be quite as sad, I hope! But you're right that there are positive things in the story. Matilda is much better off without Taylor (and Ethan arguably is too) and Cal gets to show his mature side for a change! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Ethan woke up feeling exhausted. At first, he had no idea why, but then Matilda began to cry and it all came back to him.

He quickly lifted Matilda from her carrier and rocked her in his arms. "It's okay, Matilda. Daddy's here." He carefully felt her nappy. "Okay, yes: you really do need changing, you clever girl." He kissed her on the forehead and carried her to the changing mat in the corner of her room. Ethan put Matilda on her back and gently removed her clothes. He cleaned her up carefully. "Are you ready for a new nappy then? Yes? Well, Daddy's got one right here."

Cal walked in without knocking.

"Caleb! Matilda's getting changed!" said Ethan.

Cal knelt down beside him. "Ethan, she's my niece and she's a baby. I don't think she's going to be embarrassed just yet. Besides, you'll need me to help with changing her sometimes." He tickled Matilda's tummy. "Hey, Toad. How are you then?"

Ethan shook his head. "She looks nothing like a toad."

"She does!" said Cal. He tickled her tummy some more and she kicked her legs.

"Cal, do you mind if I put Matilda's nappy on and dress her? I don't want her to get cold."

Cal moved out of the way at once. Ethan put the disposable nappy on carefully and ran his fingers along the tabs to ensure they would stick.

"That's something we need to buy – cloth nappies," said Ethan. "And a cot."

"Ethan." Cal's voice was quiet but full of meaning.

Ethan barely spared him a glance. "I'm going to wash my hands. Will you look after Matilda for me, please?"

"Sure," said Cal. He lifted Matilda onto his lap. "There you go, Toad. Don't you feel much better in your lovely new nappy?" Cal gasped. "Ethan, look! She's smiling at me!"

"That's probably just wind," said Ethan. "She obviously takes after her uncle." He hurried to the bathroom and cleaned his hands as quickly as he could before returning to Matilda.

Cal was rocking her in his arms and singing softly.

"Tina Turner?" said Ethan.

"She likes it," said Cal. "Don't you, Toad?"

Ethan told himself he had plenty of time in which to improve Matilda's taste in music.

He decided to sing 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' as he dressed Matilda in a pink dress and matching cardigan Cal had bought.

"Aren't you the most beautiful girl in the world? I'm going to miss you when I'm at-" Ethan glanced at the clock and nearly swore. "Cal, we're late."

"It's okay," said Cal. "I phoned Mrs Beauchamp and explained the whole thing."

Ethan looked at him in horror. "You _told_ her?"

Cal looked surprised. "I thought you didn't want me to lie."

Ethan knew Cal had done the right thing. They wouldn't be able to keep the truth from everyone forever and it was better to be honest from the start. "Thank you for telling Mrs Beauchamp. How much time do we have off?"

"You get two weeks' paid paternity leave," said Cal. "You could get a bit more, but you'll have to apply for that yourself. I get two days' avuncularity leave. And it is a word, Ethan: I looked it up." He looked seriously at Ethan. "But…"

Ethan wished he could pretend he didn't know what Cal meant. "I know. I'll get a paternity test done. If only so you stop going on about it."

"I'm glad, Ethan, but we actually need to do a bit more than that," said Cal. "We don't know if Taylor stayed in the hospital long enough for Toad to have any of the usual checks, so I've made an appointment at the clinic for this morning."

Ethan's smile was tired but genuine. "Thank you for arranging that. You're incredible, Cal."

Cal smiled. "I knew you'd realise eventually!" He patted Ethan's shoulder. "Then I thought we could go shopping. We probably don't want to go too crazy till we get the results, but we should get her a cot."

Ethan looked up at him, tears gathering in his eyes. "She is mine, Cal."

Cal looked at Ethan a bit sadly. "I hope so, Ethan. I really do hope so. But you know it's not definite, don't you?"

"How can I forget when you keep reminding me?"

"I just don't want you to get your hopes up," said Cal. "The more you get your hopes up, the more it's going to hurt."

* * *

Ethan walked nervously up to the reception desk at the clinic. "Hi. I'm Ethan Hardy and this is my daughter Matilda. We have an appointment at 11.40?"

The receptionist, who looked bored out of her mind, looked at her computer. "Go and sit down, please, and the midwife will call you when she's ready for you."

Ethan carried Matilda over to a couple of empty seats. Cal followed, carrying the baby carrier.

"It's going to be all right, darling," said Ethan, trying to hide his nerves.

"Ethan, I told you. Don't call me 'darling' in public," said Cal.

"I'm not talking to _you_!" said Ethan, and returned his attention to his daughter. "It'll probably seem a bit weird, but I'll be right there. I won't let anything happen to you. It's just to make sure you're healthy, which I'm sure you are." _I hope._

Cal stroked Matilda's hair and leaned closer to Ethan. "I'm sure she'll be fine. And so will you."

Ethan looked up at him fearfully. "I don't know what to say. How do I say it? How can I talk about…?"

Cal seemed to realise he didn't mean Matilda. "Why don't you let me do the talking? You just hold Matilda and reassure her."

Ethan nodded, but he felt far from calm. The butterflies, which were not so much fluttering as battering his stomach, increased by the minute.

Finally, a woman appeared and called for: "Matilda Hardy?"

Despite his fears, Ethan couldn't help smiling. She was his daughter and she was Matilda Hardy – and that made him the luckiest man in the world.

They walked over to the midwife together. "Hi, I'm Rebecca and I'm one of the midwives here." She smiled at the baby. "You must be Matilda. Are these your daddies, sweetheart?"

Cal laughed and shook his head. "We're actually brothers, but we're bringing up Matilda together. I'm Caleb Knight, but you can call me Cal. This is my brother, Ethan Hardy. You can call him Nibbles, but he'd rather you didn't. Ethan's the father."

Ethan found he was too petrified even to be annoyed.

Rebecca glanced at Ethan. "Are you happy for your brother to come with us, Mr Hardy?"

"Yes, of course," said Ethan. "But please call me Ethan. If that's not unprofessional."

"It's fine, Ethan. Come this way."

Ethan felt Matilda squirming slightly in his arms. "It's all right, darling. Daddy's got you. You're safe, okay? This nice lady is called a midwife and that means she looks after babies."

Matilda couldn't possibly have understood, but Ethan's voice seemed to calm her a little bit. They followed the midwife into a small office. "Okay, Ethan. How can I help you and Matilda?"

"I… um…" Ethan looked pleadingly at Cal.

"It's best if I explain," said Cal. "It's a bit personal and quite upsetting for Ethan, but I think we do need to tell you. The thing is, Matilda was born just over two weeks ago, but we didn't know of her existence until yesterday. Matilda's mother, Taylor, was Ethan's girlfriend. He had no idea, but she was actually a con artist. She left him without explanation and was arrested shortly afterwards. She didn't tell Ethan she was pregnant. Taylor gave birth in a prison hospital, then she escaped and came to find us at the hospital where we work. Ethan convinced Taylor to turn herself in, but she sneaked away and we have no idea where she is or how to contact her. This means we have no idea if Matilda has had all the usual checks or vaccines that are given to a new baby."

Rebecca nodded as though she heard this sort of thing all the time. "I'm certain Matilda would have had the checks as they're usually done at one and five minutes after birth – the mother wouldn't have been in any state to go anywhere at that point and it's very unlikely she'd have been left alone so soon after the birth. If you can contact the prison and find out the name of the hospital where Matilda was born, you should be able to find that information, but I can give her the checks now, just to make sure – it won't take long and you won't want to take any chances where your baby is concerned."

"Thank you," said Ethan, feeling close to tears. He looked down at Matilda – looking at her beautiful face usually gave him some comfort - and felt Cal's hand on his shoulder. "I think everything's fine, though I haven't tested her reflexes – I couldn't quite bring myself to do that – and I work in an emergency department, so it's a bit outside my experience."

"She looks fine to me too, but there's never any harm in making sure," said Rebecca. "As for the vaccines, the 5-in-1, PCV, rotavirus and Men B are the first vaccines and they're not given until the baby is eight weeks old. You can make the appointments on the way out if you'd like to, or if you need some time to think, you can call when you're ready. I'll give you some leaflets. You'll probably know most of it already as you work in a hospital, but they're still worth a look - I found my brain functioned differently when I was in the role of a mother instead of a midwife."

Ethan smiled at her gratefully. "Thank you. That's really helpful. I don't think my brain is functioning at all, to be honest, so I'll definitely read the leaflets."

"It's understandable, Ethan. It's always scary becoming a parent and you've had no time to prepare. After your appointment today, you can be registered with a health visitor so you can have regular support, usually for twenty-eight days after the birth, though we can probably extend that in your case as you've only just met Matilda. We're here to give you whatever support and advice you need. Would you like me to give Matilda the tests now?"

"Yes, please." Ethan stood up, Matilda in his arms. "It's going to be okay, Matilda. Daddy's right here."


	17. Chapter 17

**InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. Unfortunately, we do know this story is likely to have a sad ending! I think most people understand that families come in all shapes and sizes and it's just as likely to be the more typical families who have problems, but it's always nice to meet someone who's comfortable with that.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I enjoy writing about Cal teasing Ethan - I'm glad you like it too. I loved it in the episodes where Cal fell completely in love with Matilda and despite their differences, I thought it would be the same for Ethan. She is an adorable baby!

 **Tanith Panic** , I've actually only heard one Tina Turner song - the one Cal sang to Matilda - and the only Hallelujah song I know is the one from the Messiah! So she might be really good for all I know. I love Cal's teasing and I think it's also helpful for Ethan because it makes things feel more normal. Thank you for your review.

 **Panic-at-Casualty** , I'm glad you like the humour - it's very sad and stressful for Ethan, so I wanted to bring in some lighter moments too and I'm really glad they're working. Ethan is really struggling, but I still couldn't see him and Cal as anything other than a good dad and uncle. Thank you for your review.

 **Depressed-And-Cool** , thank you for your review - I'm really happy you like this story so far. It is really difficult for Ethan and he misses Taylor, but I don't think he regrets anything about having such a lovely baby girl!

 **X-Sammii-X** , even though Ethan is uncomfortable with girls, I'm sure he'd make a good father - he's usually so good with children. I'm glad you're enjoying the rare sight of Caleb Knight being all mature! I'm sorry you've had a horrid time. I hope this chapter gives you a reason to smile too. Thank you for your review.

* * *

"So, that's all good," said Cal, as they left the clinic. "Matilda's fine; she's registered with a health visitor; she's all booked in for her injections – and she's got the two best doctors in Holby ED to look after her. If you can say it about a baby, Matilda's landed on her feet!"

Ethan felt very tired – and not just because Matilda had kept him awake most of the night. "Only if we can get hold of her medical records and see about a birth certificate, which won't be as easy as you seem to think. And… I know it's silly, but I wish Taylor was here."

Cal put his arm around him. "I know, Ethan. I know you miss her. But any woman who'd abandon her baby like that, even to someone she likes and trusts… I really do think Matilda's better off without her."

Ethan gave a soft sigh. He knew Cal was right, at least in theory. But it didn't make him feel any better. "I still wish she was here. I wanted us to do this together."

Cal stroked Ethan's shoulder. "I know. I am sorry about how it's worked out. Do you want me to take Toad for a bit?"

Ethan shook his head, holding his daughter more tightly. "No, thanks. I've got her."

"Okay, do you feel up to doing some shopping?" said Cal. "We can go home for a bit if you prefer."

"I thought we were going to get the paternity test done."

"Maybe not today," said Cal. "You and Toad have probably been through enough for one day. We can do it tomorrow."

Ethan nodded, relieved. He knew it would take at least a week to get the result, but he was still happy to put it off for as long as possible – and Matilda probably had been poked and prodded around enough..

 _Though what am I worrying about? She's mine. I don't think I could love another man's child this much, this quickly. I'm not someone who usually falls in love with babies. I usually find them slightly terrifying._

Matilda opened her mouth and started to scream.

 _Even when she screams, I don't find her slightly terrifying_

Ethan checked her nappy. It was dry. "Are you hungry, Matilda? Don't worry. We've got some nice drink in the car. It won't be warm, but maybe you'll like it at room temperature."

"You always liked your milk hot," said Cal. "You screamed if it was cold."

Ethan looked at him in surprise. "I wasn't breast-fed then?" He'd never really thought about it before, but he'd somehow assumed he was.

Cal thought for a moment. "I've got a feeling you weren't actually, but I meant when you were older. Mum used to make you hot milk at bedtime, but when she left it to Dad, he always made it cold. I used to tell him to make it hot, but he never listened to me."

"Oh… well, thank you for trying to explain to Dad," said Ethan, not sure what else to say. Unfortunately, doing the opposite of whatever Cal wanted had been something of a habit for their father.

Cal unlocked the car. "I wasn't always a bad big brother!" He opened the back door for Ethan and Matilda. "There you are! Assuming you'd still rather sit with Toad than me."

Ethan secured the baby carrier. "Can you blame me? Look at her!"

Cal leaned into the car, smiling. "I don't blame you at all. She's adorable." But Ethan didn't miss him muttering as he walked round to take his own seat: "It's just her mother I don't like."

* * *

Ethan held Matilda tightly in his arms as they looked at the cots. "What do you think, Tilly? Which cot do you like best?"

Cal shook his head, a smile on his face. "Ethan, even if she can understand you, her eyesight probably isn't developed enough for to her to see the cots. And can she even see in colour yet?"

Ethan knew he was right. Matilda wouldn't be able to see clearly or properly in colour for the next few months, but he needed to keep interacting with Matilda and why shouldn't he talk to her about the decisions that affected her?

"I like the pink one," said Cal, pointing.

Ethan had a look. It was baby pink and had filmy drapes over the sides, giving the impression of a four-poster bed. "Do you really?"

"It's perfect for a little princess!" said Cal.

Ethan looked at the cot doubtfully.

"Oh, come on, Nibbles! All little girls love pink!" said Cal.

"You can't assume that Matilda will love something simply because she's a girl," said Ethan.

"She loves her pink sheep."

That was true, but Ethan stood firm. "I'd rather get her a white cot."

"But what if she hates white?" said Cal.

"I should think there are a lot more little girls who hate pink than white," said Ethan.

Cal looked disappointed, but he nodded. "Okay. It's your decision, Ethan."

"I didn't realise you liked pink so much," said Ethan teasingly.

Cal laughed. "I don't! But maybe I am getting a bit too caught up in the stereotypes. You choose the one you like, Toad, and ignore your Uncle Cal."

Ethan wanted to hug Cal for referring to himself as Matilda's uncle, but he decided that would look a bit weird so he hugged Matilda instead.

"Look, Tilly: isn't it pretty?" said Ethan, moving closer to the white cot. "I won't demonstrate now in case I get into trouble, but you can push the bars on this side down so I can get you out more easily and look: the front and back of the cot have curly bits at the top! Aren't they lovely?"

Matilda gurgled her approval.

"The Toad has spoken," said Cal. "The white cot it is."

* * *

Cal groaned inwardly and pushed his hand through his hair. "You can't tell me _anything_?"

"I'm sorry, Dr Knight, but we only have your word for it that you're connected to Taylor Clement at all. You – or rather your brother – will need to make a formal application for the information. If your brother is named on the birth certificate, that will make things a lot easier, but I don't have access to the information and even if I did, I don't have authorisation to share it with you."

"Look, I'm a doctor," said Cal. "I'm a trustworthy member of society."

"Have you treated Taylor Clement?"

"Yes!" said Cal at once.

"So there will be medical records?"

Cal groaned out loud this time. Yes, he had treated Taylor for both hypovolaemia and uterine sepsis, but as both had been done secretly with stolen medical equipment, there were no records.

"Dr Knight?"

"Actually, um, no. I haven't treated her in the hospital. I, um, I have treated her with the medical equipment I keep at home, but that wasn't done in the ED, so I don't suppose it counts."

"If there's no official record of it, I'm afraid it doesn't," said the prison officer. "Did you actually see Taylor Clement or did she leave the baby where you could find it?"

"Oh, she gave her to us in person," said Cal at once. That was one positive at least. They could be sure that Taylor had intended to give the baby to Ethan. They had it straight from the horse's mouth.

Or straight from the cow's mouth, as it were.

"And you reported her to the police, I assume?"

Cal went quiet again. He really should have discussed this with Ethan beforehand.

"Dr Knight? Are you still there?"

"We, um, we didn't actually report it to the police," said Cal. "My brother was distraught and we obviously had a tiny baby to look after and not much idea of how to do it – I'm afraid Taylor was the least of our worries." With an attempt at virtuousness, he went on: "We were going to go to the police today, but we had to get Matilda to a clinic to make sure she was healthy. I realise I've completely failed in my civic duty, if that's the right word for it, but I'm sure you can understand that my brother and my niece are a lot more important to me than some con artist."

"Yes, I do understand your feelings and in human terms, you're absolutely right," said the prison officer. "I doubt your brother was in any state to speak to the police. But if you speak to them now, they'll be able to confirm your identity and they'll be able to contact us to let us know your brother has a right to the information – assuming they can't access it themselves. I imagine the police are looking for the baby's mother and in the case of an ongoing investigation, we might not be able to release any information without their consent. As you say, your niece is your priority and it's in her best interests that you get this information."

Despite his horror, Cal found he was smiling a little bit. The prison officer was good. He was calm, polite, informative and he hadn't attempted to reprimand Cal, but he was left in no doubt of what he should have done – and what he absolutely needed to do now.

He ended the call and went to find Ethan. He was curled up on the sofa, fast asleep, Matilda cuddled close to his chest. Cal could tell from her little snuffling snores that she was asleep too.

Cal wanted to leave them there, but Ethan had told him Matilda needed to sleep on her back and that it wasn't safe for a baby to share a bed with a parent.

Cal quickly snapped a few pictures and then bent down beside his brother and his niece. There was a smile on Ethan's face and one of Matilda's little hands was resting on his chest.

Reluctantly, Cal shook Ethan's shoulder gently. "Wakey, wakey, Nibbles."

Ethan opened his eyes. He looked confused for perhaps a microsecond, then he looked at Matilda and a smile suffused his face. He kissed her gently, then smiled up at Cal. "Thanks for waking me. I'll just put Matilda in her cot."

"Then will you come back?" said Cal, knowing Ethan was quite capable of spending the next hour watching Matilda sleep. "I need to talk to you about something."

Ethan looked confused, but he nodded. Very gently, he lifted Matilda in his arms and carried her out of the room to where her cot was waiting and returned after only about ten minutes of watching Matilda sleep. "What did you want to talk about?"

Cal sat him down on the sofa. "We need to report Taylor to the police."


	18. Chapter 18

_I hope the legal points in this chapter aren't too annoying. I wanted to make sure I got everything right and was shocked by how complicated it all was - I looked at a lot of sites, but I'm still really confused. I don't understand how Cal was able to keep Matilda for so long without a paternity test!_

 **InfinityAndOne** , I'm glad you think Matilda is cute. I was trying hard to make her seem cute without going on about it too much. Some people can get bored hearing how amazing someone's baby is. Ethan is completely besotted! He has a difficult decision to make about reporting Taylor. Thank you for your review.

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Ethan has reported Taylor before so theoretically he could do it again, but he felt terrible for reporting her the first time, so a second time might be too much! Warm milk can be lovely at any age. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. Ethan would be completely devastated if he turned out not to be the father, but it's definitely possible as Matilda would have been premature if she was Ethan's. As for Cal, he can never resist a pretty girl! I think the idea of reporting Taylor would be very upsetting for Ethan.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm not sure if this chapter is emotional or not! I agree that white cots are the best. I love pink, but that's because it's a nice colour, not because I'm female and therefore programmed to like it. I actually hated pink till I was about 15! Cal might not find it easy persuading Ethan. Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. Speaking to the police could go very badly - Cal and Ethan have withheld information and technically aided Taylor in her escape, even though they didn't think of it like that. I'm not sure if Cal would remember if Ethan was breastfed, but he said he remembered Ethan in his pram.

* * *

Ethan stared at Cal in horror. "No! No, we can't report her."

"We've got to," said Cal gently. "You know that, Ethan. We should have done it before."

"I can't! I love her and she gave Matilda to me. It was a risk, but she wanted our daughter to be with me."

Cal's voice was sympathetic. "I know it's a difficult thing to do to someone you love. But all we can tell them is where Taylor was _yesterday_. You have no idea where she was thinking of going, do you?"

"No," said Ethan in some relief. "She didn't tell me."

"She's been gone for more than twelve hours," said Cal. "She could be anywhere. But this isn't just about reporting Taylor. We need to do this for Toad too."

Ethan looked at his brother in confusion. "For Matilda?" he said blankly.

Cal nodded. "We need to see her medical records. We can't get them through the prison unless we can prove we have a right to them. The police can confirm we're doctors and DBS-checked; the prison can't refuse to hand over the records if they're told to by the police."

"Okay. Yes. You're right. About everything." Ethan's voice was faint. He put his head in his hands. "What's wrong with me, Caleb?"

Cal put his arm around him. "There's nothing wrong with you. You're just exhausted and you've had a massive shock. It's no wonder you're not thinking straight."

Ethan rested his head against Cal's shoulder. "I'm sorry. It's just so hard…"

"I know it is," said Cal. "I'm sure I wouldn't be able to manage half as well as you."

"I think you'd manage much better," said Ethan. He sat up and blinked away the tears that had filled his eyes. "You'll come with me, won't you?"

"Of course I will," said Cal. He patted Ethan's knee. "You're not getting rid of me that easily."

* * *

There were so many questions, one after another, many of which Ethan couldn't answer. He didn't know why he hadn't reported Taylor to the police last night. He simply hadn't thought of it. When he was asked to explain what had happened, he was unable to do so in any cohesive order. All he had were fragmented memories, many of them painful. Cal helped as much as he could, providing some of the answers Ethan was groping for and holding his hand tightly when tears threatened.

Ethan knew he was extremely lucky in that the policewoman assigned to their case already knew him and Cal. He'd met P.C. Wilkinson on the night Cal had taken a half-drugged Ethan to the police station to report a murder. She'd also visited the ED following an incident on the night of Zoe's wedding. She probably thought Cal was the competent brother who could deal with anything while Ethan was the useless one who always got himself into trouble.

To be fair, that was probably true now. Cal had got himself into some scrapes over the years, but as far as Ethan was aware, they hadn't included murder or fatherhood.

Ethan broke down only once during the interview, when he described his proposal and Taylor's positive response. Cal wrapped his arms around Ethan and Matilda, asking if they could have a few minutes. Ethan sobbed for a while, then he sat up and Cal handed him a tissue from Matilda's carrier. Ethan wiped his eyes, saying: "I'm so sorry. I'm fine now."

PC Wilkinson's voice was kind. "It's all right, Ethan. I know this is very difficult for you."

Ethan sniffed and swallowed hard. "So… so that's w-why I believed she would surrender herself. Perhaps it was stupid of me. Perhaps I should have insisted she did it immediately, but I felt she should stay in the hospital till she was feeling stronger. Sepsis is a life-threatening condition and I didn't think it would help her to be moved around. So I sat with her and monitored her condition and then I fell asleep. When I woke up, Taylor was gone." Ethan's voice wobbled.

P.C. Wilkinson gave him a moment before asking: "And you have no idea where she might have gone?"

"No," said Ethan softly. "She didn't mention anywhere and I don't think she ever spoke to me about a place that meant something to her. She must have stayed with someone else since leaving the hospital and I'm afraid I have no idea who that might be. There was a guy she worked with, but he attacked her physically at least twice." His voice quivered. "I hope so much that she hasn't gone back to him."

P.C. Wilkinson hesitated. "We can't tell you too much, but when Taylor was arrested, she gave us the name of a male associate. He was subsequently arrested and is now in prison. I can't say if he's the person you mean, but she's certainly not with him."

"Thank goodness!" said Ethan emotionally. He hugged Matilda closer to him and felt Cal's hand on his back.

P.C. Wilkinson regarded him sympathetically. "The other thing we need to discuss is the question of paternity."

" _I'm_ the father!" burst out Ethan.

"Shh, Ethan, it's okay," said Cal soothingly.

"I'm not doubting your word, Ethan," said P.C. Wilkinson. "It's just that registering a child can be rather complicated when the mother isn't present. Has Matilda been registered?"

"I don't think so," said Ethan, more calmly this time. "Taylor didn't want to name her till she'd spoken to me."

"Though it might be worth checking," Cal interjected with an apologetic glance at Ethan. "Taylor isn't always known for telling the truth."

"It is possible to register a child without giving them a name," said P.C. Wilkinson. "As you might know, some maternity hospitals allow you to register your baby there and as Taylor was a prisoner and therefore unable to visit a registry office, it's almost certain that the hospital where Matilda was born has this facility. If she's registered the birth and named you as the father, Ethan, that could make things easier."

"But if not?" said Ethan.

"I'm afraid the law is rather complicated. If the parents are unmarried, there are only certain circumstances in which the father may register the birth if the mother is not present. Are you sure she didn't give you a statutory declaration of parentage form?"

Ethan's heart sank. "Not to my knowledge. She only left us Matilda and her carrier. I don't think there's anything like that in there."

"Well, have a look when you get home and let me know if you find it," said P.C. Wilkinson. "In the meantime, we'll contact the hospital where Matilda was born – it's possible the documentation was left behind, as Taylor presumably left in a hurry."

"But if we don't find anything like that?" said Ethan.

"If Matilda was registered, there will be an official record of it," said P.C. Wilkinson. "It will just take a bit longer if you don't have the record yourself. But if Taylor hasn't signed the necessary paperwork or if the birth certificate just gives the mother's name, I'm afraid we're not any further forward."

Ethan's head was aching. "Then what would we do?"

"I'm afraid you'd need a court order and that will mean a paternity test," said P.C. Wilkinson. "I know it seems unfair, but the court can't give you full parental rights or permission to register a birth unless they're sure you're the father. Even if the birth has been registered and you're named as the father, they might ask for more proof. It's not as though we can ask Taylor to confirm anything at the moment."

Ethan looked helplessly at Cal.

"Okay. I'll let you both go now," said P.C. Wilkinson quietly. "I don't think there's anything more we can do today. I'll chase up Matilda's birth registration and get back to you. I can't promise there won't be any repercussions concerning the delay in reporting Taylor, but I'll do what I can. You take your little girl home, Ethan. She certainly looks very happy with you. I hope you can get this sorted out soon. I really do."

* * *

Once they got home, Cal made preparations for dinner while Ethan changed Matilda's nappy. When the food was in the oven, Cal came out of the kitchen to find Ethan cuddling his daughter on the sofa.

"How are you holding up?"

"Surprisingly well, actually," said Ethan.

"You did really well at the police station," said Cal. "I'm proud of you. I can't imagine what you must be feeling."

"I couldn't do it without you," said Ethan.

Cal smiled. "Oh, I think you'd do fine without me, Nibbles, but I'm happy to help and just so you know, I'm not going anywhere. Did you have a look for the paperwork?"

Ethan nodded. "I looked, but there's definitely nothing in there. I even went through all the unsealed packets of nappies and things. You didn't throw away anything from there, did you?"

"No, I left everything for you," said Cal. "I know what you're like about recycling."

"So we've just got to hope they got Taylor to register Matilda before she left – and that she named me as the father," said Ethan. He looked helplessly at Cal. "I suppose she could have left the paperwork anywhere. If Matilda was born on the 23rd, she must have been in hiding for a couple of weeks. She might have left it where she was staying or she might have dropped it somewhere…"

Cal rubbed a soothing hand over Ethan's shoulder. "As long as she registered her, it should be okay. P.C. Wilkinson said there's an official record as well as whatever they gave Taylor."

"Taylor must have wanted me to be part of Matilda's life," said Ethan. "She kept writing to me to tell me about the baby. If only I'd gone…" He turned to Cal in sudden anger. "Why did you stop me?"

"Because I had no idea what she wanted to tell you," said Cal. "She didn't say anything in her letters except that she wanted to tell you something."

"I know, but she wouldn't have contacted me unless she had a…" Ethan looked at him sharply. "How do _you_ know what she said in her letters?"

There was a slight pause. "You showed me."

"I showed you _one_ letter," said Ethan. "I only received one letter… didn't I?"

Cal started to look panicky. "I need to check on the dinner."

Ethan felt pain in his heart. "Taylor's letters weren't censored or lost in the post, Caleb, were they? They were delivered here. And you hid them from me."


	19. Chapter 19

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I think Cal usually does manage to convince himself that he's doing the best thing for Ethan, but unfortunately, Ethan usually completely disagrees! This time won't necessarily be the exception.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I hope it wasn't too unrealistic for Ethan to report Taylor to the police, though he has done it before. I think he agreed mainly for Matilda's sake. Cal hid the letters from Ethan in Clement Weather and I forgot to tie up that loose end, so I thought I'd do it now. Tilly does need a dad! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. Everything always come back to bite Cal in the end! He probably thought he'd got away with it this time, but he was wrong. Matilda is very contented with Ethan. She'd forget him if she was taken away from him, but she'd probably still be affected by the experience.

 **InfinityAndOne** , I think you're right that Ethan wouldn't have coped with a less understanding police officer. He could have got into serious trouble - and he possibly still will. It will definitely be difficult for Cal to talk himself out of this one - despite all his experience, he hasn't got any better at it! Thank you for your review.

* * *

"You did, didn't you, Cal?" said Ethan, his voice shaking. "You stole Taylor's letters."

Cal hugged him. "Ethan, where would you get that idea?"

Ethan pushed him away. "Caleb. For once, just tell me the truth."

Cal sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't think you were ready to see her letters."

Ethan looked even angrier. "Maybe I wasn't, Cal, but they were my letters! You had no right even to read them!"

Cal put his hand on his brother's shoulder, but Ethan shook him off again.

"Did you really think I wouldn't find out?" Ethan laughed harshly. "I always find you out, Caleb. Always."

Cal looked at the floor.

"And because of you, it was too late!" said Ethan furiously. "Too late for me to be there. Taylor had to go through pregnancy and labour all alone because of you."

"There would have been staff there-"

"But that's not the same, is it?" snapped Ethan. "Taylor would just have been a patient to them and probably not their only patient. I would have looked after her and made sure she had everything she needed and just been there!"

"I know," said Cal quietly. "I'm sorry, Ethan."

"Now I might not be able to bring up my own daughter because of you!" Ethan was shaking with anger, but Cal sensed tears weren't very far away.

"We'll sort it, Ethan," said Cal. "I promise."

"And that's another lie, Caleb: how can you possibly promise that?"

Cal looked away.

"Can I see the letters?" said Ethan

Cal's stomach clenched with guilt. "I… shredded them, Ethan. I'm sorry."

"Well, isn't that just typical of you!" Ethan stormed off.

Cal went after him to find Ethan putting Matilda's coat on. "Where are you going?"

"That's none of your business!"

* * *

Ethan knew he probably was too upset to drive, but he had to get away from Cal. He drove for a few minutes, then he parked on a quiet street and started to cry. Everything was such a mess and as usual, Cal was to blame. He'd really thought Cal had changed; that he'd finally grown up and learned how to behave responsibly, but he was the same as he'd always been.

At last, Ethan's angry tears stopped. He dried his eyes and checked on Matilda, who was still asleep. He didn't know what to do, but he wasn't ready to go home.

He drove to Lily's flat. He'd have to provide some sort of explanation for Matilda, but he could hardly keep her a secret forever - and he didn't want to. He loved his little girl and he felt he ought to make sure Lily was okay. He hadn't spoken to her since he'd abandoned her outside the hospital. He knew he'd done the right thing - Matilda needed him even more than Lily - but he did feel guilty.

Carefully, he took Matilda out of the car, smiling despite his ravaged emotions when he saw her blinking sleepily up at him. "Hey, sweetheart. You're going to meet Daddy's best friend. At least, I hope you are. She should be taking some time off, but it actually wouldn't surprise me if she was back at work. Lily's a doctor just like Daddy and Uncle Cal."

He knocked at Lily's door. Lily opened it almost immediately. She looked surprised to see Ethan and her eyes widened still further when she noticed the baby.

"Hey," said Ethan awkwardly. "Um, this is Matilda. My daughter. I hope it was okay to come round. I just wanted to check you were okay."

"I… yes," said Lily faintly. "Come in. Both of you."

She showed Ethan and Matilda into the living room. Ethan took Matilda out of the carrier and held her on his lap. "I'm sorry I've hardly been in touch. I've been rather busy."

"Yes, I can see that," said Lily, her eyes still on Matilda. "Is Matilda the reason Taylor came to see you?"

Ethan nodded.

"What happened?" asked Lily.

Ethan wasn't sure he wanted to go into the whole story. "Well, um, Taylor had the baby and decided I should be the one to look after her. So I am."

"Did you know she was pregnant?"

"I had no idea," said Ethan.

"It must have been a shock," said Lily.

"It was," said Ethan. "But it honestly is fine, Lily. I love Matilda so much." He smiled down at her. "Isn't she the most beautiful baby you've ever seen?"

Lily looked at Matilda. "She is a very attractive baby."

Ethan smiled. He loved to hear his daughter praised and he knew Lily wouldn't have said it unless she meant it. "Would you like to hold her?"

Lily looked in two minds, but then she nodded.

Very carefully, Ethan placed the baby in her arms. "It's okay, Matilda. This is Auntie Lily and she's Daddy's very best friend."

Lily held Matilda competently, if awkwardly. "Hello, Matilda. I am… Auntie Lily."

Matilda lay quietly in Lily's arms.

"She likes you," said Ethan, feeling slightly emotional. Not many people liked Lily. He was glad his daughter did.

"And I like her," said Lily, the beginnings of a smile on her face, but then it faded and she turned back to Ethan. "Ethan, forgive me for asking this, but are you sure the child is yours?"

Ethan took a short breath in. "Of course she's mine!" he said, more aggressively than he'd intended.

"Ethan, I'm sorry," said Lily. "I did not mean to offend you. I am wary of trusting Taylor after what she did to you, but you know her much better than I do."

"It's okay," said Ethan quickly. "I know you were concerned and I'm grateful for that, but I know she's my daughter, so there's no need to worry."

"Then why were you crying?" asked Lily gently.

Ethan knew it would be useless to deny it. "Taylor wrote to me from prison. Presumably to tell me she was pregnant. Only one letter arrived. I found out today that Cal saw the first two letters before I did and shredded them. I got the third letter, but Cal persuaded me not to make contact."

"That was unacceptable, but I am sure he was trying to protect you," said Lily. "Taylor hurt you very much. Your brother would not want that to happen again."

"I know, but he had no right," said Ethan. "And if I knew there were three letters, not one, I might have realised how important it was and gone to see her."

Lily's voice was sympathetic. "It is very natural to be angry with Cal. But I believe he acted to protect you."

"Or to protect himself," said Ethan bitterly.

"How would it protect Cal?" asked Lily.

"When Taylor comes into my life, I always end up getting upset. _Really_ upset. Maybe Cal didn't want to deal with that again."

"Or perhaps he didn't want you to _feel_ like that again," suggested Lily.

Ethan shook his head. "No. I'm sure it's about him. It's always about him."

"Has Cal seemed impatient with you when you're upset?" said Lily. "Annoyed?"

Ethan thought about this and shook his head. "No. He does get angry, but with Taylor, never with me."

"Cal cares about you," said Lily. "Please make it up with him. He made a mistake, but I believe he was trying to protect you. Hiding someone's letters is very wrong, but I believe his intentions were good - and you and Matilda will need his support."

Ethan sighed. "I really came here to see how you were."

Lily avoided his gaze. "I am well and looking forward to returning to work."

"Will you be okay?" said Ethan anxiously. "Please don't go back unless you're sure you're ready, Lily. I had to take time off after my mum died – and when I lost Taylor. I did my best, but… it's so hard, losing someone."

"My father would have wanted me to return to work," said Lily.

"It isn't a bad thing to consider your father's wishes," said Ethan. "But you mustn't forget your own feelings, Lily. You're the one who's hurting."

Lily's eyes flashed. "Ethan, you are my friend and I appreciate your concern, but that does not give you the right to pry into my personal life."

"No. Of course not," Ethan backtracked hurriedly and then looked in concern at Matilda, who was beginning to whimper. "It's okay, sweetheart. It's okay."

Lily held the baby out towards Ethan. "Perhaps you should take her now."

Ethan took Matilda in his arms and held her against her chest, stroking and kissing her hair. "It's okay, Matilda. It's okay. Daddy's here." When Matilda was calmer, he turned back to Lily. "I'm sorry. You're right. I was wrong to pry. What I meant to say was… if there's anything I can do, or if you do need to talk, I'm here."

Lily's face softened slightly. "Thank you. But I do not require your help at present – and you need to think of Matilda now."

"Matilda is my daughter, but you're my friend," said Ethan. "That won't change."

"Thank you, Ethan, but I will return to work the day after tomorrow." There was finality in Lily's voice.

Ethan didn't want to leave things as they were. Lily was clearly not herself and she needed support. But what could he do if all his attempts to help met with resistance? "I'm off work for two weeks. Paternity leave."

"What will you do when the two weeks have ended?" asked Lily.

"I'm going to register Matilda with the hospital crèche at the hospital," said Ethan. "Cal said he'd help me…" He felt a lurch of fear as he wondered if Cal would still help him. Lily was right: he couldn't do this without Cal. "I might also reduce my hours; I'll see how things go."

Lily hesitated, then touched his arm. "If there's anything I can do to help, Ethan…"

Ethan smiled at her gratefully. "Thank you, Lily."

He knew he wouldn't take her up on the offer. She had enough to deal with. But he appreciated it all the same.


	20. Chapter 20

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. It would be really sad if Cal and Ethan ever fell out for good - there have been some worrying moments, but it hasn't happened so far, luckily! I think Lily and Ethan could have done with each other's support at this point in the series.

 **InfinityAndOne** , Matilda is cute enough to make the problem go away for a little while, but she probably isn't that good at giving advice yet, so yes, it probably was really important for Ethan to go and see Lily! It's lucky Lily has got over wanting to marry Ethan or she might not have reacted so well. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I sometimes get scared when Ethan is angry because you don't know what he's going to do, so I'm really happy if I captured some of that! I agree that Lily needs to stop trying to live up to her father - ideally before Alicia gets hurt. I wonder if Lily's 5-year plan partly comes from her father too. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. Cal does make bad decisions, but it's usually because he's trying to help or protect someone he loves. Ethan probably does know Taylor isn't a very good person, even though he doesn't want to believe it - he's more realistic than Cal. I'm glad you felt Lily was still herself in the scene with Matilda.

* * *

Ethan was hoping to talk to Cal when he returned home, but Cal was out. Ethan wanted to cry, but instead, he fed Matilda, put her to bed and sang her a lullaby before lying down on his bed to await Cal's return. He was so exhausted, he fell asleep almost immediately, only waking when Matilda cried for him in the night.

 _Perhaps he's still not back_ , thought Ethan, during the 5am feed, and he had to take a few breaths to steady himself. If he had driven Cal away, most likely into the arms of a woman, he would have to deal with that later. For now, only Matilda mattered.

At last, the bottle was empty. Matilda pressed her hand against Ethan's chest and he kissed her cheek. "There, sweetheart, that's better, isn't it? You go back to sleep now." His voice was choked with emotion and he felt as though he might spend the next few hours crying, but again, sleep claimed him before a single tear could fall.

* * *

Ethan was woken the next morning by Matilda. He was still half-asleep as he stumbled out of bed, but nappy-changing had become natural to him now, even after just a couple of days.

"There you are, my sweetheart!" he said, once Matilda was clean and dry. "I'm sure that feels much better. You must be hungry now, so I'll get you a drink." He kissed Matilda but made no move to leave the bedroom, instead staring lovingly down at his beautiful baby. "I love you, Matilda. You know that, don't you? And I don't regret a single thing that brought us together."

He went to the kitchen and found Cal making breakfast. Ethan couldn't describe the relief he felt. "I'm so glad you're still here. I thought you'd gone for good!"

Cal looked slightly amused. "I only went to do the shopping."

"You could have left a note!" said Ethan. "I was worried!"

"I was worried too," said Cal. "I had no idea where you were either."

Ethan saw no reason not to tell him. "I went to see Lily. She's going back to work tomorrow. I'm worried it's too soon."

"I can keep an eye on her if you like," offered Cal.

Ethan smiled. "Thank you. That would be good. And thanks for doing the shopping. I must have forgotten."

"Easily done," said Cal with a smile as he patted Ethan on the shoulder. "Think about all the times I've forgotten!"

Ethan looked at him for a moment. "I'm sorry I was so angry with you last night."

Cal stroked his arm. "Trust me, Ethan, it was completely deserved. I honestly did it to protect you, but I had no right to read your letters and hide them from you."

"I know you meant well," said Ethan with a small smile. "I'm sorry if I overreacted."

"You didn't." Cal gave Ethan a hug. "Listen. It's new to both of us and we're bound to get stressed sometimes and take it out on each other. But we're in this together and I'm not going to leave you in the lurch. Okay?"

Ethan smiled into Cal's shoulder. "Okay."

* * *

Cal walked into the living room to discover Ethan staring at his phone as though it might bite him. "You okay? Where's Toad?"

"Having a nap," said Ethan, a fond smile flitting across his face as he thought of his daughter, but a moment later, he was frowning again.

Cal sat beside him. "What's up?"

Ethan turned to him with fear in his eyes. "I was going to phone up to book a paternity test. It does look like it's going to be necessary and it'll be better to get it done as soon as possible."

"Yeah, I think that sounds like a good idea," said Cal honestly.

Ethan fiddled with the phone. "I'm scared, Cal."

Cal put his arm around him. "Of course you are."

"I'm sure Matilda's mine," said Ethan. "I don't think I'd love her so much if she wasn't. And considering her size and weight, it's certainly not impossible that she was premature. But …"

Cal held him more tightly. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't take Ethan's fear away. He couldn't even say he was sure everything would be all right. "Would you like me to call them for you?"

There was a look of gratitude on Ethan's face and for a moment, Cal thought he was going to say yes. But he shook his head. "Thanks, Cal, but I think I need to do it myself. And I'm going to do it now."

Cal nodded understandingly. "Sure. I'll give you some space." He stood up.

To his surprise, Ethan grabbed his hand. "Please would you stay with me? Just while I make the call?"

Cal sat down again. "Of course I can, Ethan."

* * *

After lunch, Ethan dressed Matilda in her pink woollen bonnet and kissed her. "You look so adorable, Tilly. Just give Daddy a few minutes to get ready – then we'll probably have to wait half an hour for Uncle Cal to get ready –then we can go."

Matilda gurgled happily. She had no idea where she was going, but she was clearly expecting it to be good. Ethan hoped it would be. She would get some fresh air and she would have plenty of noise to listen to, but she wouldn't be able to see anything properly yet.

Ethan couldn't wait to see the look on her face when she finally could.

When he carried Matilda out of the bedroom, he found Cal ready and waiting with his coat and shoes on. "You're ready!" said Ethan, unable to conceal his shock.

Cal laughed. "Maybe I'm just excited about introducing Toad to the world. Are you ready then, Toad?" He bent down to the baby's level. "Well, don't you look beautiful? Your Uncle Cal has always had an eye for a pretty lady and you're one of the prettiest he's ever seen."

Ethan shook his head, smiling. Cal did talk rubbish sometimes – though on second thoughts, Ethan did actually agree with everything Cal had said. "Could you hold Tilly for me while I put my coat on?"

"Of course I can." Cal took the carrier from Ethan and held it close to his face, pulling stupid faces at his niece which plainly delighted her. "Not even the Toad can resist the Knight!"

* * *

Ethan carefully unstrapped Matilda from the carrier and jogged her in his arms. "We'll just cuddle for a minute, Tilly, while Uncle Cal unfolds the pram for you."

From his furious mutterings and occasional cries of pain, Cal wasn't finding it easy.

"Sugar!" he shouted. "Stupid flipping pram! You blinking little beast: you will not get the better of the Knight!"

Ethan laughed to himself, amused by Cal's struggles but pleased he was moderating his language for Matilda. "I can have a go if you'd like me to."

There was a clicking sound from the pram. "That's better. I think I'm getting it now. Ow! Flipping heck! That's my blinking finger!"

Ethan hurried to his side. Cal was sucking his finger whilst looking reproachfully at the pram. "Can I see?" said Ethan. He shifted Matilda into his right arm and examined Cal's finger carefully. "I think it's okay. Can you move it for me? I think it's probably just bruised, but if it doesn't get any better, I'll take you to the ED. Here: can you take Tilly while I deal with the pram?"

Cal was only too happy to leave the pram to Ethan. "Now, let's see if Daddy does a better job than Uncle Cal," he said, supporting Matilda in one arm and moving his injured finger gingerly.

Luckily, Ethan had studied the instructions before they'd come out, He clicked the last bit of the pram into place. "Ow! Damn!"

"Language, Ethan," said Cal, smirking.

"Sorry, Matilda," whimpered Ethan.

Cal's amusement vanished. "Are you okay?"

"I've caught the skin of my finger… let me just see…" Ethan managed to release it. "Oh da… dash. It's bleeding."

Cal reached for his first aid bag and found him a plaster. "There you are, baby brother. But I haven't got a chocolate biscuit to stop you from crying."

"I'm not crying!" said Ethan. "I stopped crying over cut fingers when I was six." Or maybe seven. Possibly eight, but there was no need to go into all that.

"That's very brave of you, Nibbles," said Cal. He started to put Matilda into the pram.

"Don't do that!" said Ethan in a panic. "The last safety catch isn't in position!"

Cal sighed. "Okay. You go to Daddy for a minute, Toad, while Uncle Cal sorts out Daddy's poorly finger. Trust Nibbles to get himself more injured than I am so he gets all the sympathy."

Holding Matilda did make Ethan feel a little bit better. He watched as Cal put the plaster on his finger. "Thank you."

"Anytime, little brother," said Cal. He got something else out of his bag and waved it at Ethan. "I've got a tubular gauze finger bandage if you want one."

Ethan smiled and shook his head. "I think I'll be okay." He gave Matilda to Cal and finished securing the pram. "There: that's done. Are you ready for your first ride in your new pram, Tilly?"

"First ride already?" Cal looked impressed. "And I thought I started young."

"Behave yourself, Caleb!" said Ethan, rather surprised to find he was trying not to laugh. He put Matilda carefully into the pram. "There you go, Tilly. Ready to go then?"

Cal put the medical bag back in the boot and slammed it shut. "Ready."

They started to walk along the path. It was pebbly and uneven, which made the pram difficult to push. Ethan worried that it wouldn't be very comfortable for Matilda, but she seemed happy. "Can you feel the breeze, Tilly?" he said softly as they walked. "Lovely, isn't it? And that's a wood pigeon. And that's a goose! Can you hear it honking, Tilly?"

At last, they reached the park. Ethan lifted Matilda from the pram. "Look at all the pretty ducks, Tilly! Can you hear them quacking?"

"Do a duck sound for Matilda, Nibbles," said Cal.

Ethan shook his head. "Not here!"

"Go on!" said Cal. "Every good daddy knows how to do animal noises."

Ethan reluctantly produced a not-terribly-convincing attempt at quacking.

Cal laughed loudly. "He really hasn't got it, Toad, has he? _This_ is how you imitate a duck." Cal flapped his arms like wings and started quacking.

It was at that moment that Ethan saw Noel and Big Mac. Filming them.


	21. Chapter 21

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Cal won't be happy - imitating a duck doesn't really go with his image! I thought it might be more embarrassing if Connie caught them, but she probably wouldn't tell anyone. I'm glad you like Ethan as a daddy. I think he'd be brilliant. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I don't think Noel and Big Mac are having a secret date at the park if that's what you mean, but who knows? I thought I'd write them a happy chapter (though they might be more stressed than happy!) to take their mind off the paternity test, but I'm glad you haven't forgotten about it! Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I'm so glad you liked the pram scene - I thought they probably hadn't put a pram up in their lives and they're much easier to fold up than to unfold, as well as being a real health hazard! Ethan would be devastated to give Matilda up and Cal is slowly but surely falling in love with his possible niece.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. I forgot to tie up the letter incident in Clement Weather so I thought I'd better sort it out now! But luckily it didn't seem a bad point in the plot for them to have an argument and I kind of feel like Matilda helped resolve it. I'm glad you liked the pram scene. I loved writing it so I'm happy it worked.

* * *

Ethan smiled down at Matilda. She lay in the cot, fast asleep, worn out from her exciting morning at the park. She really had had a lovely time as far as Ethan could tell. He reached into the cot, unable to resist stroking her little pink cheek. Then he started panicking that perhaps it shouldn't be pink and went to get the thermometer to put under her arm (he had an ear thermometer too but he was worried the beep might wake Matilda), but her temperature was exactly what it should be.

Ethan went back to staring at his daughter again and he had the feeling quite some time had passed when he suddenly heard Cal calling to him.

He hurried out of the room, not wanting Cal to wake his little Sleeping Beauty, and met him in the hall. "Shh, Cal, Matilda's asleep."

Cal dropped his voice to a whisper and held out Ethan's phone to him. "I hope you don't mind me answering your phone, but I thought it might be important. It's P.C. Wilkinson."

Ethan held out a suddenly-shaking hand for the phone.

"Do you want me to give you some privacy?" whispered Cal.

Ethan shook his head quickly and felt Cal putting his arm around him as he guided him into the living room. "Hi, P.C. Wilkinson. This is Ethan Hardy."

"Hi, Ethan. How are you and the little one doing?"

"We're doing fine, thank you," said Ethan as he sat on the sofa, Cal close beside him. "I just put Matilda down for a nap. Well, no, I didn't _just_ put her down for a nap. I think I've been staring at her for at least twenty minutes. She looks so beautiful. Her cheeks are all pink and I know it's probably just wind, but it really looks like she's smiling… she's got the sweetest little dimple in her... I'm so sorry. I'm babbling."

"It's okay, Ethan. I'm a parent too. I know what it's like." P.C. Wilkinson paused. "I have some news for you. We've managed to contact the hospital where Taylor gave birth. She registered Matilda without a first name, though she gave the surname Hardy, and she's named you as the father on the birth certificate. She's also signed a statutory declaration of parentage naming you as the father."

"Oh… oh my goodness…" Ethan's eyes were filling with tears.

"Ethan?" Cal looked at him anxiously.

"So… so I'm Matilda's father?" said Ethan emotionally.

"Taylor has named you as the father, so she is legally your daughter and we're happy for her to remain in your custody. We're going to send you an official copy of the documents - you'll need to take them with you when you register Matilda's first name. They should be with you by tomorrow."

"Thank you," said Ethan, wiping his eyes and thinking how inadequate the words sounded. "Thank you so much for sorting that out for me."

"It was our pleasure, Ethan. I've also spoken to my superiors and we're not going to take any action against you for not reporting Taylor sooner. You really did have other things on your mind and we have no concerns about your honesty, particularly as you were the one who reported Taylor the first time, so there's no need to worry about that."

"Thank you," said Ethan. "That really is very kind of you."

"However," said P.C. "We do have concerns about _Taylor's_ honesty."

Ethan felt his happiness fade. It was a reasonable concern, after all. Taylor had spent her life lying to people. But after the euphoria of being certain Matilda was his, it was sad to learn some people would still have doubts. "I can understand the concern, but I don't think Taylor would lie about something like that."

He saw doubt on Cal's face, but he said nothing. Cal probably thought Taylor was capable of lying about anything.

Ethan had to admit he could understand why.

"I _know_ she's my daughter," said Ethan. "I can feel it inside me. She trusted me instantly and we loved each other instantly. I can understand your concerns and I know you had to mention them, but really, there's no need to worry. Matilda is mine."

"Well… that's your decision, Ethan," said P.C. Wilkinson. "There is no legal requirement for you to take a paternity test at this time. All I can say is that everyone I've spoken to about Taylor strongly recommends that you take the paternity test and I'm inclined to agree. For one thing, there's a possibility that one of Taylor's former partners might find out about Matilda and claim that he could be the father. It could save a lot of time, trouble and heartache if you'd already had the test done. But it is entirely your choice."

"I'm not taking the paternity test," said Ethan firmly. "Taylor wouldn't lie to me about something that important. I know it's difficult for anyone else to believe, but I do think Taylor loved me, in her way."

* * *

Cal didn't know what to do. The last thing he wanted was to fall out with Ethan, but his declaration that he must be the father because Taylor had written it on the form made no sense at all to him.

He let it go for a while, hoping Ethan would see sense and decide for himself that the paternity test was still a good idea, but when Ethan announced at dinner time that he would phone up tomorrow to cancel the paternity test, Cal knew he couldn't keep silent any longer.

"Ethan, I really know this isn't what you want to hear, but I think P.C. Wilkinson is right. You can't trust Taylor's word. You need to take the test."

Ethan looked shocked. "Taylor wouldn't lie on an official document!"

"Of course she would!" said Cal. "She said her name was Taylor Ashbie and she accepted a cheque from you in that name, so she must have had a bank account in that name, but she was imprisoned as Taylor Clement. There's no way she could have set up a bank account in a false name without providing false information on a form."

"Maybe she changed it legally for another reason, after she met me," said Ethan. "You can do it quite easily online. I'm not sure they even run proper checks."

Cal shook his head disbelievingly. "Ethan, unless Taylor changed it after she escaped from prison, which would have been very stupid considering the police would have been looking for her, she could only have changed it _inside_ the prison. And I somehow doubt they have a lot of free, unsupervised internet hours."

"Perhaps the prison staff listened to her reasons and accepted it!" said Ethan.

Cal sighed. "Okay, let's say they did. But what about her charity? She set up a fake charity that accepted donations. How could she have done that if she wasn't prepared to lie on legal forms? And we know she lied to someone. When she registered Matilda's birth, she told them you were the father. But she told us she didn't know who it was. She must have lied to someone – and she had nothing to gain by telling you you might not be the father. Why would she tell you that if it wasn't the truth?"

Shock filled Ethan's eyes, then tears.

"She never did like deceiving you, Ethan," said Cal sadly. "In some ways I wish she did. Perhaps then you wouldn't still love her." He put his arm around Ethan. "Look, it is your choice about the paternity test. But if even Taylor can't be sure…"

Ethan shook his head, tears falling. "But I can _feel_ she's mine, Cal! Taylor wouldn't know how I feel. Not unless I told her and I don't think I did. We were thinking about the future. _Our_ future."

Cal pulled Ethan closer to him. He half-expected Ethan to pull away, but he didn't. That told Cal what Ethan had refused to say for himself. If Ethan was angry with Cal, he would never have let him hug him. But if he secretly knew the truth, he'd need all the comfort Cal could give him.

* * *

Cal looked worriedly at Ethan. "Are you sure you'll be okay?"

Cal's two days of 'avuncularity leave' were over and it was time to return to the ED. He had very mixed feelings about it, mostly because it meant leaving Ethan alone with Matilda – a ridiculous concern because anyone could see Ethan was a brilliant dad – but he was also worried about facing Alicia again. Perhaps it wasn't the best time for him to get into a relationship, but he really hoped they could work together and be friends.

He was also aware that Lily planned on returning to work today and he'd promised Ethan to look out for her and make sure she was okay – though Cal knew he'd have to do his best to be discreet about it. Lily would not appreciate it if she knew Cal was keeping an eye on her.

Then there was the problem of that duck video, which Cal knew the whole ED had seen and been very amused by. He had a feeling there was a lot of banter coming his way and he really wasn't in the mood.

"I'll be fine," said Ethan. "Don't worry, Cal. I really think I'm starting to get the hang of the whole daddy thing now." He smiled, then his expression became serious. "I honestly couldn't manage this without you though, and thank you so much for all the help and support you've given me."

"It's fine, Ethan, and I'm never going to stop helping and supporting you," said Cal. "There won't be any running away this time – or only to do my job."

Ethan smiled and reached out to touch Cal's arm. "I do appreciate it. You know that, Cal, don't you? I'm so grateful for everything you've done."

"I know," said Cal. He paused for a moment, wondering if he should mention the paternity test again, but he decided against it. It was Ethan's choice, not his, and the last thing he wanted was to upset Ethan just before he had to go off and leave him. "I'll see you at lunchtime."

"Oh, no, you don't have to do that," said Ethan.

"I want to," said Cal. "I want to check you're okay and I'll be missing Toad apart from everything else."

Ethan smiled. "I can't blame you for that. I miss her when I turn around."

Cal laughed. "Who's a soppy daddy, then? But I think you're doing great, Ethan. It's not easy being a father even when you're expecting it, but to have Taylor appear out of the blue, give you a baby and disappear again… I think you've been amazing. Really. I don't think I'd have managed half as well in your place."

"I'm lucky," said Ethan, looking Cal in the eye. "I've got my big brother to help me."


	22. Chapter 22

_I don't want to make a big announcement on every update, but I just wanted to say if anyone didn't know that my mental health isn't good so I'm not sticking to my usual updating schedule - I am updating as often, but I'm writing what I feel able to write and trying not to worry about the stories that aren't flowing so easily. Thank you to everyone who's supported me :)_

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Taylor is far from perfect, but she's made things as easy for Ethan as she could. All the official stuff was skipped over in Casualty, probably because there wasn't time to show it, but I wanted to include it and show a possible good side to Taylor. I'm really glad you liked it. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I think this chapter might make you smile, but then again, it might not! I think that's what happened with Cal - he loved Matilda so much, but the sense of betrayal he felt was probably a big part of the reason why he gave her up. The paternity test won't be forgotten...

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I'm really glad you're still enjoying this story. I'm not sure everyone would agree Taylor was right to give Matilda Ethan's surname when she wasn't sure he was the father, but it is a sign of her feelings for Ethan. It is Ethan's choice about the paternity test, but you know what Cal's like!

 **20BlueRoses** , I agree it would be better for Ethan to take the test - even Taylor told Ethan she wasn't completely sure he was the father! But he's choosing to ignore that at the moment and I'm really glad his decision makes sense. I really liked the way P.C. Wilkinson dealt with Big Mac after Noel was attacked, so I thought she'd be kind to Ethan too, especially as she probably knows him. Thank you for your review.

* * *

It felt different, walking through the ED doors.

Only a couple of days had passed since Cal had last done it, but so much had changed. He'd been a young(ish) guy with no ties, heading off for his first and hopefully not his last date with a beautiful young doctor.

Now, he was an uncle.

While Cal certainly didn't share Ethan's belief that the bond between him and Matilda rendered the paternity test unnecessary, the fact was Matilda was officially theirs and it was possible, perhaps even probable, that no-one would ever challenge Ethan's claim to paternity. Taylor would have ensured her past victims didn't find her and Cal doubted they'd have any interest in seeking out someone who'd duped them. So whether Matilda was biologically Ethan's child or not, she might remain his daughter for the rest of their lives.

While the thought did terrify Cal, he'd be lying if he said it didn't excite him.

"You'd better watch out for Louise," Noel warned Cal as he passed reception. "She's not happy with you. But then again, who'd want to work with a _quack_ doctor?"

"What have I done?" asked Cal, so confused he barely noticed the duck joke. He and Louise often didn't see eye to eye, but he couldn't even remember the last time he'd spoken to her.

"Louise and Robyn found Alicia crying in the bus stop after you stood her up on her birthday," said Noel, his words laced with disapproval. "Louise said if I saw you, I had to tell you to watch out. Those were her exact words. 'Tell Dr Caleb Knight he'd better watch out!' I can't say I blame her. I wouldn't have been very happy if you'd done that to Honey."

Cal laughed uneasily. He'd never have stood Honey up in the latter part of their relationship, but he hadn't treated her very well at first.

"So, why did you stand Alicia up?" asked Noel. He looked as though he knew the answer already and it was possible Max, Lofty or most likely Big Mac had mentioned Taylor, but Cal didn't think any of them knew about Matilda.

He hesitated. He had Ethan's permission to tell everyone about Matilda, but Cal didn't want to tell Noel like this. It should be a happy announcement and he felt Alicia deserved to know first as she was the one who'd been hurt.

"Ethan's ex showed up," said Cal at last.

Noel's eyes rounded. "You mean the con-artist? They let her out of prison already?"

"No, she escaped," said Cal in a low voice. "I found out Ethan had gone off with her. I was worried for him. I felt bad for leaving Alicia, but Taylor always has a really bad effect on Ethan. You know he's just come back from having about three weeks off work? That's because Taylor was messing with his head again. All she did was write him a letter, but it really knocked him back. So when I found out she'd come here in person…"

"Yeah, I get that," said Noel. "But you really need to explain all this to Alicia because she's completely misinterpreted things."

"What things?" asked Cal in confusion, but a queue had formed behind him and Noel was waving him away.

"Go and speak to Alicia. But if you see Louise, maybe you should _duck_!" Noel laughed.

"Yeah, yeah. Very funny," said Cal, but he found he hardly cared. Some things were even more important than his image.

* * *

Cal hadn't expected Alicia to be happy to see him, but was rather taken-aback to find her in tears on the staff room sofa.

Robyn and Louise were sitting on either side of her, each with an arm around her. Robyn was speaking softly to Alicia as she took a sodden tissue from her and handed her a fresh one, and Louise was patting her knee.

"Alicia, I'm so sorry," said Cal, feeling genuinely awful that she was still crying over him three days later.

"Don't flatter yourself!" said Louise rudely. "It's not because of you!"

Alicia peeped at Cal through teary eyes and buried her face in her tissue.

"What happened?" asked Cal, walking quickly towards them. He knew that getting too close to Louise was far from advisable, but he was worried.

" _Lily_ happened," sighed Robyn as she rubbed Alicia's back. "She sent Alicia a text asking her to come in an hour early, but Alicia didn't get it. So she was furious when Alicia showed up only twenty minutes early. Then Alicia asked if Lily was okay – Lily's just come back from a couple of days off - and Lily really lost it with her."

Louise gave Robyn a disapproving look which she then unleashed on Cal. "Not that it's ANY of your business after what you did to Alicia."

Cal sat down on the table in front of them. "Alicia, I'm really sorry about Lily. That was uncalled for and I'm happy to have a word if you'd like me to. But most of all, I want to apologise for what _I_ did. I wanted to tell you what was going on, but I couldn't."

"I'm sorry, Cal, but I really don't want to talk about it," whispered Alicia.

"So get lost!" said Louise. "There is NOTHING you can say to make what you did okay."

"No, I know," said Cal, feeling even worse as he saw more tears escaping from Alicia's eyes. "I really do feel awful. Standing a girl up on her birthday is really low and if my brother hadn't needed me, there's no way I'd even have considered-"

He stopped. Both Alicia and Robyn looked surprised.

Louise just looked contemptuous. "So, you're not only a complete slimeball, you can't even concoct a decent cover story without dragging Ethan into it! Cal, there is no way you can justify standing Alicia up to be with some other girl."

Cal stared at her. "There was no other girl. Not in that way." He turned back to Alicia. "Alicia. I promise. The only girl I'm interested in is you. You're the only girl I've been interested in for a long time. I got burned about six months ago and I've been pretty much off girls since."

"Then why did you go running off after this Tanya if you're not interested in her?" demanded Louise furiously.

"Tanya?" said Cal blankly, before something clicked in his mind. "Oh God. No. You've got this completely wrong. She wasn't called Tanya. It was _Taylor_."

Comprehension dawned on both Louise's and Robyn's faces, before Robyn turned to Alicia. "Do you think they might have said Taylor?"

Alicia sniffled. "I don't know. It might have been. Who's Taylor?"

"Taylor is Ethan's ex-girlfriend," said Cal. "He loved her more than anything and was going to ask her to marry him. Then he found out she was a con-artist."

" _Ethan's_ ex-girlfriend?" said Alicia, the misery in her eyes replaced by sudden hope. She looked at Louise for confirmation.

"Yeah, she was Ethan's girlfriend," said Louise reluctantly. "If you'd said Taylor, I'd have known straight away."

"I'm sorry," said Alicia. "I really thought it was Tanya."

Robyn hugged her. "Hey, it's not your fault! You couldn't be expected to remember what her name was. You'd never heard of Taylor and you were upset."

"Though Ethan should be able to sort out his girlfriends without needing his big brother's help," said Louise.

Cal spoke to Alicia again. "Ethan still really loves Taylor. The last time we saw her, he was brilliant. He convinced her to come to the ED and then arranged for the police to meet us there and arrest her. But he felt so terrible about it, especially when we found out she'd already returned the money she took from him. I wasn't sure he'd be strong enough to resist her again. I'm sorry I didn't tell you this at the time, but it was Ethan's secret."

Alicia was silent for a while, then she wiped her eyes, sniffed and faced Cal. "Okay. I understand now. I'm sorry."

"You have _nothing_ to apologise for," said Cal. "I totally see how it must have looked. But there's nothing between me and Taylor except hatred and I was going to support _Ethan_ , not her. If it had been anyone else, there's no way I would have left you."

Alicia half-laughed, half-sobbed. "I feel really stupid now."

"There's no need," said Cal. "You jumped to the obvious conclusion."

"And your reputation did kind of proceed you, you've got to admit," said Louise.

Cal smiled ruefully. "That probably didn't help. But I've changed, Alicia. Robyn will tell you. She knows everything that goes on in this ED."

"Well, there have been a couple of one-night stands since Honey," admitted Robyn. "But that's two since February and Cal did seem quite half-hearted about it."

"And he never cheated on Honey?" asked Alicia.

Cal looked away uncomfortably.

"Maybe at first," said Robyn. "But then he really fell for her. And that's what changed him." She smiled. "He's over her now though. So if you still want to go out with him, Alicia, then I'm happy for you."

Louise folded her arms. "Don't come crying to me when he breaks your heart."

"You _can_ come crying to me," Robyn assured Alicia. "But I don't think you'll need to. Cal is different now. He used to treat Ethan really badly and take advantage of him, but he really looks after him now."

Alicia turned to face Cal. "How is Ethan now? Has Taylor gone?"

"She's gone," said Cal. "And this time, I don't think she'll be back. Ethan…" A smile came to Cal's face. "Well, there's not much point in hiding it. Ethan said I could tell everyone. The reason Taylor came to see Ethan was to tell him he's a dad."

Louise's jaw dropped. "Ethan's a _dad_? You mean Ethan…"

Robyn laughed. "Of course he has, Louise. I know he's shy, but he was in love. So what happened to the baby?"

"Ethan's looking after her," said Cal. "Her name's Matilda and we're bringing her up together. Mrs Beauchamp's given Ethan's two weeks' paternity leave and she let me have two days to help him. He's an amazing dad, though." Cal was surprised by the pride that filled him. "He still loves Taylor so obviously he's hurting and confused, and he's frightened of not being a good dad, but he's really taken to fatherhood like a duck to water."

A smile appeared on all three girls' faces. "Oh yeah. Speaking of _ducks_ ," said Louise.

Cal groaned. It had been too much to hope for that Noel hadn't told everyone. "So, maybe we could have that birthday dinner another time?" he asked Alicia. "I mean, I'm not going to have _loads_ of time for a relationship. Ethan and I have a baby to bring up and he's still pretty fragile. I'm really sorry, but my family has got to come first. But if you'd like to give me another chance and you don't mind being a bit patient with me, I would love to take you out."


	23. Chapter 23

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Cal and Alicia's night out won't happen quite yet, but it definitely will happen. So I hope you'll enjoy it! I imagine Louise won't be the only person to wind Cal up today. I wish Cal would feel proud of Ethan more often in Casualty! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , are you tealing my puns? Though you've really got a goldeneye for them, I have to admit. Cal is just s shelduck of his former playboy self, but Louise was right there with the sting in the pintail. I'm really shovelering around for the puns now. Eider thought it would be much easier. I spend enough time looking at ruddy ducks. Though I think Cal looks more like a swan than a duck. Louise is always great to write about as she says things nobody else would. I thought about keeping Cal and Alicia apart for a bit longer, but it's already been ages in terms of chapters! Thank you for your review - I'm really happy you enjoyed it.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I think Cal was a bit intimidated by Alicia, Louise and Robyn! He was trying so hard to be on his best behaviour for once. I think I'd have some very unhappy readers if Cal didn't love his little niece - and who wouldn't? It's nice to write about Cal putting his family ahead of not only his girlfriends but himself!

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you so much. I do feel a bit better now, but it's still quite up and down. I'm glad you think Cal has changed for the better. He's still going to mess things up sometimes because that's just Cal, but I think supporting Ethan has helped him to grow up. And they won't be fighting over Alicia in this story! Not that Ethan's taste in women is particularly good at the moment... Thank you for your review.

* * *

Ethan was a bit worried about unfolding the pram without Cal's help, but to his relief, it was quite easy this time. He tucked Matilda in and kissed her. "There you are, my beautiful girl. Are you ready for your first shopping trip then? Now, all you have to do is stay where you are and if you need anything, just scream really loudly and Daddy will take care of it for you. Okay, darling? Let's go."

Ethan started to push Matilda across the car park. He'd walked across car parks on numerous occasions, including every day at work, but with a baby to consider, the whole process became terrifying. Every car became a monster that could crash into the pram and injure his daughter. He double-checked every zebra crossing to make sure it really was a pedestrian crossing and that the cars really had stopped. Whenever one of the parked cars started up their engine, or if a car started to back into a bay, Ethan began to panic that the car might lost control and he wouldn't be able to get Matilda out of the way in time.

 _How does anyone manage it?_ he wondered aloud, trying to calm the pounding of his heart. _Does it ever get easier or does it always feel this horrible? Or is it just me who worries about things like this?_

The silly thing was that this shopping trip wasn't even necessary. While Cal's late-night dash to the shops a couple of days ago hadn't been quite as comprehensive as Ethan would have hoped, he could easily have waited until Cal had got home and then made the shopping trip alone.

But the truth was he wanted to take Matilda to the shops. He wanted to have the experience of wheeling his little girl around the supermarket.

And, yes, he wanted to show her off a bit. He wanted everyone to look at the most beautiful baby in the world and know Ethan was her dad.

 _What are you doing?_ Ethan thought in alarm when a car backed into a space several feet away far too quickly. He stopped the pram, his heart thumping again as he pulled Matilda back a little way, only for the car to park safely with almost a foot to spare.

The driver got out of the car and stared at Ethan, who gave a weak, apologetic smile and started pushing the pram again.

At last, to his great relief, Ethan and Matilda reached the supermarket entrance safely. "Here we are, Matilda. We got here in one piece. Um, not that you were in any danger or anything. Please don't worry." He noticed a trolley that hadn't been put back properly and automatically reached out a hand for it, only to remember he also had a pram and there was no possible way of pushing a trolley and a pram at the same time.

Blushing with embarrassment and absolutely certain the laughter he could hear was aimed at him, Ethan tried to push the trolley back, but of course it was one of the ones with a dodgy wheel and it insisted on turning to the right.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" said Ethan, as the trolley nearly hit someone. He tried to straighten the trolley, but it was impossible with one hand and there was no way he was going to let go of the pram. What if Matilda rolled into the road? Or someone kidnapped her? Or she thought he'd abandoned her, just like Taylor?

"Oh, for God's sake! Give it to me." The trolley was taken from him roughly and returned by another shopper, who then walked past him, completely ignoring Ethan's breathless thanks.

Ethan pushed Matilda towards the sliding doors, a bit worried they might not open in time, but to his relief, they did. He pushed Matilda through the doors and went to get a basket, but he soon discovered that holding a basket whilst pushing a pram was nearly as impossible pushing a trolley and a pram simultaneously.

 _What am I going to do?_ thought Ethan. _I can't let Cal do all the shopping for the rest of our lives. We'll starve!_

* * *

Cal stopped by the reception desk and watched as Lily scribbled some notes on a file. Alicia had begged him not to have a word with Lily on her behalf and Cal had promised, but when Lily looked around in exasperation and exclaimed, loudly enough for the whole waiting room to hear: "Where on earth is Dr Munroe?" all Cal's good resolutions disappeared.

"Probably hiding from you!" he snapped.

Lily turned to face him and just before the ice formed in her eyes, he saw a hint of vulnerability that reminded him that Lily had just lost her father and Ethan had asked him to keep an eye out for Lily today.

But that was before she'd reduced Alicia to tears.

Completely ignoring the fact he'd done exactly the same thing a few days ago, Cal glared at Lily. "What's wrong with you? Don't you realise how lucky you are, mentoring a young doctor as bright and willing as Alicia? Of course she's got a lot to learn. She's young and idealistic and maybe a bit overenthusiastic, but so are a lot of doctors her age. That doesn't mean she's incapable or incompetent. It means when the reality of the ED hits her, it's going to hit her hard. And you're going to be the one she'll need to pick her up again. And do you know how that makes me feel? Worried. About Alicia."

"Yes, Dr Knight: it doesn't surprise me that you're worried about the young, blonde doctor," said Lily.

"This is nothing to do with how I do or don't feel about Alicia." _Or maybe it is, but that's not Lily's business_. "I saw her in the staff room a while ago and she's distraught, Lily. Absolutely distraught."

"It wasn't me who stood her up on her birthday," said Lily.

Cal raised an eyebrow. "Oh, so you've been listening to gossip, have you? Because I can't imagine anyone told you about that. Have you got _any_ friends in this department, Lily?"

"Yes," said Lily shortly. "Ethan. Excuse me, Dr Knight. I must find Dr Munroe."

"No, I don't think you should!" said Cal. "Okay, I get why you're annoyed. If you ask someone to meet you and they don't show up, it's annoying. I know that: I've been on the receiving end of the annoyance enough times. But first of all, if Alicia says she didn't get the text, did you even consider the fact that maybe she didn't get the text? And even if she did, do you really think it's right to ask her to come in to work an hour early, making her shift even longer when she's not even properly used to the ED yet?"

"I was not going to ask her to start work early," said Lily. "I was merely going to speak to her about her portfolio."

"Okay, but she doesn't need to come in a whole hour early," said Cal. "And even if you think she does, you can't just text her and demand that she comes in. You should discuss it the day before. Give her plenty of warning. Partly because that's fair and polite and what any decent human being would do – and partly to give Alicia a bit of time to prepare for the meeting to ensure she gets as much out of it as she possibly can!"

Lily raised her voice. "Dr Knight, this is nothing to do with you!"

"I think it is something to do with me when Alicia-"

"My office. Both of you. Now," said a quiet voice at Cal's elbow.

For once, Cal hadn't heard Connie's approach. Her voice was deceptively soft, but he knew there was no room for argument. He turned and walked towards Connie's office without even a glance in Lily's direction.

* * *

"Ethan, is everything all right?"

Ethan turned and wasn't even surprised to see Charlie. Although he'd never met him in the supermarket before, arriving at the exact moment when help was needed was something Charlie did all the time.

"Hi, Charlie," said Ethan. "I was just wondering how on earth I was going to get the shopping done with both a pram and a basket to contend with."

Charlie smiled. "I remember wondering the exact same thing when Louis was a baby. Except with me, it was a _trolley_ and a pram."

"It was with me too, at first," admitted Ethan.

"I'm sure it's happened to a lot of us," said Charlie. "But first things first. why don't you introduce me to this beautiful young lady?

Ethan smiled. It made him so happy to hear other people describe his daughter as beautiful. "This is Matilda," he said proudly. "My daughter."

He thought even Charlie would be a little bit shocked, but the nurse just nodded and leaned over the pram, taking one of Matilda's small hands gently in his own. "It's lovely to meet you, Matilda. My name's Charlie and I work with your dad and your Uncle Cal." He turned to smile at Ethan. "I think she's got your eyes."

"Matilda's eyes are much prettier than mine," said Ethan. "But thank you very much."

"She's beautiful, Ethan," said Charlie, and he really sounded like he meant it. "Aren't you, Matilda? Now, about this basket. Trolleys and prams just don't mix, but if you look under the pram, there's a sort of shelf there that's ideal for putting your basket on. But as we're both here, why don't we share a trolley? I could be wrong, but Matilda doesn't look very old to me, so you're probably still getting used to the pram."

"I am, to be honest," admitted Ethan. "But I don't want to inconvenience you."

"How is it an inconvenience to enjoy a shopping trip with a good friend and beautiful lady like Matilda?" said Charlie, smiling at the baby. "It doesn't happen to me very often, I can tell you. Okay, if you watch my trolley, I'll put the basket back and then we can start."


	24. Chapter 24

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I think Ethan would be a really protective dad - he even feels protective towards Cal, who's spent most of his life driving Ethan mad! Charlie seemed to like Matilda when she was Cal's daughter, so I didn't think that would change.

 **Tanith Panic** , I love a bit of pun-ishment! I thought Charlie was probably the best person to support Ethan as he'd accept everything without seeming shocked and not ask any awkward questions. Trolleys can be a nightmare! I don't think Lily meant to bully Alicia either and she's equally hard on herself. Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , the best way of shopping with a kid is to leave the kid at home with the other parent/a babysitter! But even though Ethan's usually so practical, I thought he might get caught up in the excitement of taking Matilda out and not think things through. The sleepless nights probably are getting to Cal! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Cal and Lily stood a good two feet apart as they faced Connie. Lily started to rush into speech, but a look from Connie silenced her. Cal didn't even dare attempt to say anything.

"Right. I understand that there are always going to be differences of opinion in the ED," said Connie. "I think we might have a slight difference of opinion over what constitutes professional behaviour. But first, perhaps you could both tell me what on earth you were thinking. Dr Knight?"

Cal started guiltily. "Um, Alicia was upset."

"If you mean Dr Chao, I suggest you say so," said Connie. "However, if you mean Dr Munroe, she was not present and I fail to see how she can be in any way responsible for your behaviour."

"Oh, Dr Munroe's not responsible!" said Cal. "For me, I mean. Obviously, she is _responsible_. She's a very responsible, professional doctor. But-"

Connie looked at her watch. "Perhaps you could get to the point."

"I… um…" It was very difficult for Cal to explain anything when Connie was looking at him as though he was the contents of a vomit bowl. "I saw Dr Chao standing at reception and I decided to go and talk to her about Dr Munroe."

"And that is your business in what way exactly, Dr Knight?"

"They are sleeping together," said Lily.

"No, we're not!" Cal found he was quite shocked at the suggestion. "We haven't even been on our first date yet."

"I wasn't aware that was a prerequisite," said Lily.

Connie glared at Lily. "Are you going to keep quiet or am I going to ask you to stand outside like a naughty child?"

Lily lowered her head.

"Good," said Connie. "Dr Knight. Your answer, please."

"I knew Dr Munroe was upset about something that happened with Dr Chao," said Cal. "Dr Munroe asked me not to interfere, but… well… I'm not very good at doing what I'm told."

"Believe me, Dr Knight, this is not news to me," said Connie.

"So I spoke to Dr Chao about it and she was a bit annoyed with me," said Cal.

"Yes, I can understand the feeling," said Connie.

"So I got annoyed too and… well… you know the rest," said Cal.

Connie gave him a withering look. "Unfortunately, yes. And so does the waiting room. Thank you, Dr Knight. Dr Chao? What have you to say on the matter?"

* * *

"There you are, Ethan." Charlie's voice sounded like it was coming from a long way away.

"Mm," mumbled Ethan, still staring at Matilda. She looked so beautiful when she was asleep. Of course, she looked beautiful when she was awake too, but when she was asleep, you could see her lovely eyelids and her face was almost completely still. She looked as gorgeous in repose as she did in constant animation.

He jumped as Charlie touched his shoulder. "Your tea's ready, Ethan."

Ethan looked up to see Charlie was smiling. "Oh! I'm so sorry, Charlie. I was just… looking at Matilda."

"I don't blame you. There's something very special about a new baby," said Charlie. "They're so tiny and perfect, you can hardly believe they're real. Nothing quite prepares you. Even when you do have nine months' warning." He paused. "I could be wrong, but I get the impression you didn't get a lot of warning."

"No, I didn't," admitted Ethan.

Charlie nodded. "Sometimes it happens like that. I assume Taylor's the mother?"

Ethan smiled. "That probably wasn't difficult to figure out… I haven't exactly been overburdened with girlfriends!"

"I like to look at it more that you're very selective," said Charlie.

"I think it's more that the women are selective, but perhaps I am too," said Ethan.

Charlie chuckled lightly. "I don't know about that. Weren't you the man who had a registrar and a barista fighting over him?"

"Yes… whilst another lady wrote to me from prison," said Ethan, rather surprised to find himself joking about the letters.

"You really do attract them from all walks of life," said Charlie. "And without doing much of the chasing either. I'm impressed!"

Ethan blushed.

"Okay, let's move on from that now," said Charlie. "Would you like to tell me what happened with Taylor? Or would you rather tell me that story about Cal putting Matilda in the bath with her socks on for the fourth time?"

"Oh gosh. I didn't realise I'd mentioned it so many times!" said Ethan. "Did I tell you the one about Tilly being sick on my glasses? It was so sweet. I couldn't see a thing!"

"Only twice, Ethan." Charlie smiled. "But that's okay. Maybe you'll get the odd bored listener – and I don't include myself in that – but it shows you love Tilly very much and what she needs more than anything."

* * *

"I was working and Dr Knight accosted me," said Lily coldly. "Dr Munroe was late for a meeting I'd asked her to attend before work. I was displeased. Dr Knight seems to feel my displeasure was unfounded."

"She didn't get the text, Lily!" said Cal.

Connie held up her hand. "You've had your say, Dr Knight. Dr Chao, did Dr Munroe give a reason for her non-attendance?"

"She says she didn't get the text," muttered Lily. "I did not see how that could be true. I certainly sent it."

"Occasionally, texts do go astray," said Connie, but there was something in her voice that told Cal it wouldn't be a good idea to use that excuse the next time he felt like missing a meeting with Connie.

"A doctor needs a reliable phone," said Lily. "Particularly when she is an unreliable doctor."

Cal turned on her. "Alicia's not an unreliable doctor! She's the most reliable doctor in the whole…" He caught Connie's look. "Sorry, Mrs Beauchamp. She's not as reliable as you."

Connie gave Cal one of her special looks that never failed to make him feel three inches tall. "Lily, I know you're going through a difficult time and you have my sincere sympathy. I admire your dedication in coming to work and continuing with the challenge of mentoring. But it's a very difficult job and you really do need to be on top of your game. If you choose to discontinue mentoring Alicia, this will not be held against you and there will be other opportunities in the future when you don't have so much on your mind."

The tension in Lily's body visibly increased. "Thank you, Mrs Beauchamp, but I am perfectly able to continue with my work."

Connie gave her a searching look, then nodded. "Okay."

"Okay?" said Cal disbelievingly. "Is that it?"

Connie just looked at him.

"Sorry, Mrs Beauchamp." Cal seriously considered hiding behind Lily.

"Dr Chao, I know it is deeply frustrating when colleagues don't show up on time," said Connie, with another glance in Cal's direction. "But none of this would have happened if you'd phoned Alicia rather than texting or better yet, waited until today and arranged it for tomorrow. As far as I can tell, the meeting wasn't urgent."

"I thought it would be beneficial for Dr Munroe," said Lily.

Connie nodded. "I'm sure it would be. But it will be more beneficial if she has time to prepare." Her gaze swung to include Cal. "But regardless of what happened, I cannot allow my doctors to argue in front of the patients, particularly not in reception. I know you're both under stress as anyone would be in your circumstances, but that does not make your behaviour in any way acceptable. If either of you need time off, come and speak to me. If not, please get on with your work and stay out of each other's way. If I catch you arguing again, I won't be nearly as lenient. Now get out, the pair of you."

* * *

Ethan rocked Matilda in his arms, barely even glancing up as Cal entered the room. "Look, Tilly: it's Uncle Cal!" His gaze still on Matilda, he added: "Hey - good day at work?"

"Yeah, it was great!" said Cal.

Ethan frowned. "Cal, you only say work is great if you spent a large proportion of the time not working or if something happened and you're trying to cover it up."

"I don't know _what_ you're talking about," said Cal.

Ethan sighed and decided to let it go for now.

Cal sat beside them on the sofa. "How are you then, Toad? Did you have Daddy have a good day?"

Matilda gurgled softly and Cal – never one to resist a pretty face - planted a warm kiss on her forehead.

"We went shopping, didn't we, Tilly?" said Ethan, delighted Cal was finding Matilda as irresistible as he did.

Cal looked startled. "Shopping? What did you do that for? I did the shopping a couple of days ago."

Ethan decided he was too grateful for Cal's help to point out the almost complete lack of vegetables (he didn't think chips counted, whatever Cal said). "We'd run out of a couple of cleaning products."

"Oh, right," said Cal. "I'm not too sure where the cleaning products are kept. I've never really used them."

"I've noticed!" said Ethan, but it was difficult to be too annoyed with Cal.

"But I'm going to start using them now," said Cal quickly. "Washing, ironing, washing up, drying up, cooking, sweeping the floors… you name it, Ethan, I'll do it."

"The toilet needs cleaning," said Ethan.

"Oh. Great," said Cal. "I'll... do it later."

Ethan laughed. "It's really not as bad as it sounds. You can wear gloves and it's a lot nicer than changing a nappy. But anyway: did you sort things out with Alicia?"

Cal nodded, a smile on his face. "I explained that my priority has to be my family at the moment, but she's agreed to come out with me next week once we're more settled into a routine."

"You don't have to wait that long," said Ethan, genuinely touched that Cal was putting his family before a girl. "I mean, thank you for thinking of us. We really appreciate it. But we don't want to take over your whole life."

"No, it's fine," said Cal. "I said I'd be there for you and Toad and I want to be. Sure I like Alicia, but I _more than like_ you and Toad."

Ethan smiled. "We 'more than like' you too. How's Lily? Did you get the chance to speak to her?"

"Um… no," said Cal. "I didn't really see her."

Ethan sighed. "Cal, what happened?"

Cal looked around the room for inspiration, but finally his eyes returned to Ethan's face. "Lily asked Alicia to meet her before work this morning. Alicia didn't get the text. Lily totally lost it and made Alicia cry. I… wasn't terribly happy and I might have told Lily what I thought of her."

"Caleb, she's just lost her father!" said Ethan.

"Nibbles, she made Alicia cry!" responded Cal.

"Okay. I'm sorry she made Alicia cry and she does need to be more careful how she speaks to people sometimes," said Ethan. "But she's still lost her father, Cal. It's a really difficult time for her."


	25. Chapter 25

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I think besotted dads need a bit of patience so it's lucky Charlie has so much of it! I'm glad you found Ethan cute and not boring - though you only had to hear everything once! I don't want to repeat Proud & Prejudiced too much, but Lily really does need Ethan's support. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm so relieved you found Connie scary - I was a bit worried that she wasn't scary enough! I find it really sweet and funny when parents say things like: "She did her first poo! Isn't she a clever girl?" and it's so understandable they feel that way, but that doesn't mean I want to see a picture! Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. I think even when Ethan has an adorable baby to distract him, he'll still be able to read Cal like a book! I think Cal will take Ethan's reprimands more seriously than Connie as he really does want to be a good brother and uncle. Ethan is loving being able to tell Charlie all about his wonderful daughter!

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your reviews. Alicia was much nicer when she was first in the show. She annoyed me a bit, but at least she was a nice person who genuinely wanted to help everyone. There is no word invented to describe Charlie. He's just so 'Charlie'! I'm not sure I'd want Ethan to adopt me! That could get very awkward, but I am glad you liked him as Tilly's dad. It actually took me months to decide who I liked best out of Cal and Ethan - at times it was literally changing every day!

 **InfinityAndOne** , I'm glad you liked Connie, Cal and Lily and that Connie was sufficiently frightening. I think Lily and Ethan can both frighten Cal on occasion, but Connie is really terrifying - I'm still surprised Jacob dared! I'm happy you're enjoying reading about Ethan's love for Matilda. I don't want it to get boring! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Getting a text at work was usually a source of celebration for Cal - not to mention a good excuse to take a quick break. Most of Cal's texts came either from girls or mates with betting tips and either way it was a reason to celebrate.

But there was only one girl Cal wanted to hear from now and he couldn't imagine Lily would let her text while she was working. As for the betting, that was all very well when he was young, free and single, but he knew he couldn't take so many risks now he was young, in a relationship and an uncle.

And one thing about being an uncle was that every time he got a phone call or text message at work, he started panicking that something was wrong with Matilda.

Cal hastily pulled his phone from his pocket and found a test from Lily.

 _I require some bloods to be taken, but I cannot find a nurse. I am in Cubicle 1._

Cal stared at the text in confusion. Lily could be demanding on occasion and if she couldn't find a nurse, it wasn't entirely unknown for her to ask a doctor to do it instead, but Lily already had a doctor with her: Alicia. So why would she ask Cal? Even if Alicia wasn't comfortable with taking bloods – though she probably ought to be - she'd be able to do it under Lily's supervision.

Cal hadn't forgotten that Connie had advised him to stay away from Lily, but that was two whole days ago and Connie was busy in Resus. He went to Cubicle 1 and tore back the curtain. "Lily, what's wrong with you?"

Alicia, who had smiled at his sudden entrance, was now staring at him in amazement.

Lily looked exactly like a young Connie Beauchamp. "Perhaps you'd care to rephrase that, Dr Knight."

"Perhaps _you'd_ like to rephrase that text you sent to me!" said Cal. "I suppose I don't mind doing bloods for you if you ask nicely – I know it can be difficult to find a nurse sometimes. But 'I require some bloods to be taken'… couldn't you at least have said 'please'?"

Lily looked at him in confusion. "I did not text you."

Cal presented his phone with a flourish. "What do you call that then?"

Lily took the phone from him and frowned. "I sent this text to Charlie."

"Doesn't look that way to me," said Cal.

Lily examined the phone carefully, her lip curling in distaste as she discovered Cal's choice of wallpaper (which he should definitely change before Alicia saw it). "Yes, this is your phone. I… must have made a mistake."

"Easily done," said Cal. "If you open up a contact list, you do sometimes end up touching the contact above or below. Charlie would probably be below me."

"Yes: that must be what happened," said Lily, frowning at her phone.

Alicia's face lit up suddenly.

Cal gave her a warning look. Although he was pleased Alicia had worked it out, he didn't think Lily would appreciate what she would see as a junior doctor's interference.

"Alicia, please go and find a nurse to take some bloods," said Lily without looking at her.

"Oh, I can take the bloods if you want me to!" offered Alicia eagerly.

"It is not your job, Dr Munroe," said Lily. "Please find a nurse as I requested."

"Yes, Dr Chao. Of course," said Alicia, very properly. But the smile she gave Cal as she brushed past him gave him thoughts that were decidedly improper.

He was _really_ looking forward to their first date.

But for now, he had other considerations. "Lily, is it possible that maybe you got the wrong name in your contact list when you texted Alicia to ask her to come to that meeting?"

"I would think not," said Lily coldly. "Nobody has let me know they received the text in error."

Cal had to admit that was odd. "Maybe you could look anyway? If it's, um, the phone's fault and not Alicia's, it would be good to find that out, wouldn't it? Then you'll know Alicia isn't lying to you."

Lily looked very sceptical.

"Phones do funny things sometimes," said Cal. "Even if you did click the right name, the message might have gone into another folder and not been sent." He held out his hand. "I could take a look if you wanted."

Lily hesitated, suspicion on her face, but then she passed the phone over to Cal.

"No: nothing was sent to Alicia," said Cal as he scrolled through. A name caught his attention and he smiled knowingly at Lily. "So, who's Adrian?"

"Charge Nurse Adrian Fletcher," said Lily.

Cal stared at her. "You and _Fletch_?!"

"Of _course_ not," said Lily dismissively. "I have not spoken to him for a long time."

Cal would have liked to tease her, but then he realised this probably meant his original theory was correct. "But you texted him."

"I did not," said Lily coldly.

"Perhaps not intentionally, but Adrian and Alicia would probably be next to each other alphabetically."

A look of horror came to Lily's face, then she shook her head. "No. I could not have done that. Charge Nurse Fletcher would have let me know."

"Fletch did actually change his number a while ago," said Cal. "It's possible he didn't let you know as he doesn't work with you anymore, but if just imported all your contacts from your old phone…"

"Charge Nurse Fletcher works in the same hospital as us," said Lily. "I saw no reason to delete him from my contacts."

Cal handed the phone to Lily. "Why don't you check the text and see what it says?"

Lily took the phone without much enthusiasm. Cal knew from her gasp horror that he was right.

"Why did I do that?" she asked, as though she were speaking to herself.

"Everyone does it sometimes and you haven't had the phone for very long," said Cal. "Just apologise to Alicia and it'll be fine."

Lily looked as though she found the idea physically painful.

"Lily, it's okay," said Cal. "Everyone makes mistakes like that. I was always sending stuff to the wrong girlfriend when I was that kind of guy."

"Do I have to tell Alicia?" said Lily in a shaking voice. "I don't want her to know what I did. I would be ashamed for a junior doctor to know I made a mistake like that."

Cal frowned. He thought Lily owed Alicia an apology – but he was honest to admit he'd have tried to get out of it too in her place. "Lily, everyone makes mistakes like that. But I think Alicia would probably be happy to move on and not mention it again. Just…" He stopped. He wasn't sure what he was about to say was a good idea. "Don't be too hard on her, okay?"

Lily's eyes flashed. "I don't need to be told how to treat me own mentee. Thank you for your assistance with the phone, Dr Knight. I will now continue with my work."

* * *

Charlie smiled as Ethan opened the door, Matilda in one arm. "Hi, Ethan. Hi, Matilda. What a pretty dress! Thanks for inviting me over, Ethan."

Ethan smiled and held the door open so Charlie could come in. He'd invited him to come over on a whim and he hoped he wouldn't regret it, but he really needed to talk to someone. He knew Charlie would give him wise and unbiased advice, and the fact he already knew about Matilda was an advantage.

Charlie lifted a bag he was holding and showed it to Matilda. "I wonder what's in here!"

Ethan showed them into the living room and sat with Matilda on his lap. He felt slightly guilty that Charlie had felt the need to bring something with him, particularly when Ethan was intending on asking him his advice, but he knew a lot of people liked to buy presents for new babies.

Charlie opened the bag. "It's nothing much, but I saw this and thought of Matilda." He brought out a tiny pink onesie with 'Daddy's Girl' written on it. "What do you think, Matilda? Do you like it?"

Matilda made a high-pitched sound of approval.

"You're welcome, Matilda," said Charlie.

"Thank you so much, Charlie," said Ethan, taking the onesie from Charlie. "It's very kind of you and Matilda will look beautiful in it." He held it up against her. "It's exactly the right size too. Cal bought her quite a few clothes, but half of them are too big, so it's really helpful to have something else that actually fits her and this is lovely. Thank you."

"It's my pleasure, Ethan," said Charlie.

Ethan put it carefully over the arm of the sofa so it wouldn't get creased. "I've made tea and muffins. Would you mind holding Matilda while I get the tray?"

Charlie held out his arms. "Of course I don't mind. Come to Uncle Charlie, Matilda. That's right." He held Matilda securely and comfortably. "It's okay, sweetheart. Daddy will be back soon. Go on, Ethan. I'm sure she'll call if she needs you."

Ethan dropped a kiss on Matilda's forehead and went into the kitchen. He checked everything was on the tray and carried it through. He smiled when he saw Charlie and Matilda together. They seemed to be getting on very well. Matilda had wrapped her fingers around Charlie's thumb and didn't seem to have any ideas of letting go.

Ethan laid the tray on a small table. "Here you are. I'm sorry, but I haven't taken the lid off the jam and if you have any, please could you use a separate knife? I'm allergic to jam and I get a bit overanxious about it."

"That's no problem at all," said Charlie. "Thanks, Ethan. This looks lovely."

They ate their muffins almost in silence. Occasionally, Matilda made a small sound and Charlie said something like: "Do you think so, Matilda? Do you know, I think you're right," but for the most part, they concentrated on eating.

When the muffins were finished, Charlie returned his plate to the tray and said: "Okay, Ethan. How can I help you?"


	26. Chapter 26

**InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. I'm really glad the phone idea makes sense - my phone doesn't do that, but I'm always hitting the wrong letter when I'm texting. I like continuity too (or I do when it suits my stories!) and various details about the brothers do stick in my mind and get mentioned far too many times!

 **20BlueRoses** , I'm sure Cal would like to think he's turned over a new leaf after what happened with Honey, but I suspect the main reason he mentioned it was because Alicia was listening! If he was with his mates in the pub, I think his reply might have been different. I hope Charlie's advice will be sound! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like that the focus isn't entirely on Cal and Ethan. As Lily became closer to the brothers in Clement Weather and as Cal is free to be interested in Alicia, I think Cal and Ethan will be affected by their storylines. Lily is under a lot of stress and needs support, but Ethan's so busy.

 **X-Sammii-X** , I agree in theory that Lily should apologise to Alicia - it's the correct thing to do, but it might give Lily another reason to resent her. You'll find out soon if Lily apologised or not. It would be nice to have an Uncle Charlie. And maybe an Auntie Zoe too, but obviously not married to each other! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Ethan blushed, feeling guilty about being so transparent.

"It's okay," said Charlie. "You and Matilda have been wonderful hosts and the muffins were lovely, but when I first became a dad, I had a lot of questions too."

Ethan relaxed slightly. "I suppose there was something I wanted to ask you. The thing is… well… I don't know for absolute certain that Matilda's mine."

Charlie nodded understandingly. "And you'd like to make sure?"

"I don't know," said Ethan honestly. "In some ways, it seems completely unnecessary. I love Matilda so much. I don't see how she could _not_ be my daughter. I believe she's mine and I'm 99% happy with that. But…"

Charlie waited.

"But Cal really wants me to have the test," admitted Ethan. "And the police have recommended it as well. Taylor isn't always known for telling the truth and even though she named me as the father on the birth certificate and Matilda is legally my child, I'm concerned that if another of Taylor's… boyfriends finds out about Matilda, he might want to contest my right to paternity. If it happened now, it wouldn't matter so much, but if Matilda was old enough to know what was going on, it would be really upsetting for her."

"I'm not sure how likely it is," said Charlie, "but it's certainly a possibility."

"So I thought if I had the paternity test now and anyone else does come along," said Ethan, "they can just be told we've done the test and I'm Matilda's biological father."

"Having a paternity test done would certainly remove that obstacle," said Charlie.

"So you think I should take the test then?" said Ethan.

"I'm saying there's certainly an argument in favour of taking the test," said Charlie. "But what do _you_ want, Ethan? Do you want to take the test for your own peace of mind? Or do you just want to stop everyone from looking at you with doubt on their faces every time you introduce Matilda as your daughter?"

Ethan sighed and looked at the floor. "I suppose that is the main part of it. It is difficult. You've been wonderful, Charlie, but Cal is obviously very concerned, and when Lily met Matilda, almost the first thing she asked was whether I was sure she was mine. Not everyone will be as direct as Lily, but I know it's going to be in a lot of people's minds."

"It must be very difficult," said Charlie sympathetically.

"It is," said Ethan in a low voice. "But it's not just me I'm worried about. What about Matilda? I can cope with other people's doubts, but what if she picks up on it when she's older? Or if someone says something? I don't want to put my daughter through that, Charlie. But…"

"But what?" said Charlie gently.

"I feel so disloyal to Taylor," confessed Ethan.

Charlie nodded understandingly. "I assume Taylor told you you were the father?"

"No – she said she wasn't sure," said Ethan. "But she put my name on the birth certificate. She obviously sees me as the father in every way that matters. I know it's stupid, Charlie, but Taylor gave me her baby. That's probably the highest honour she could give me. She trusted me above any other person. I don't want to let her down."

* * *

Cal was nearly asleep by the end of his shift. He'd always wondered what the problem was when parents complained of sleepless nights – he quite often went without sleep and it didn't do him any harm.

But for some reason, sex was a lot less tiring than being woken up intermittently by a screaming baby.

When he'd offered to help, Ethan had sent him back to bed, telling him not to worry and he'd deal with it. But it was difficult trying to sleep when Matilda was crying.

Not because of the noise. Because the sound was already starting to tug at his heart.

"Cal!" said a pleased voice, and he turned from his locker to see Alicia.

"Hey," he said. "Good day?"

"It wasn't bad," said Alicia. "Hard work, of course. But that's why I'm here! To learn and work hard." She smiled. "Oh, and I found out what happened with that text Lily sent me."

"Oh, that's good." Cal wasn't sure if he should admit he knew all about it.

Alicia nodded. "Lily apologised and said she'd sent the text to someone else. But I said it wasn't a problem at all; it's easily done. We've rearranged the meeting for tomorrow."

Cal was pleasantly surprised Lily had apologised. While it was the correct thing to do, it couldn't be easy, apologising to your mentee. It was probably a bit like apologising to your little brother. "I'm really glad you've sorted that out."

Alicia smiled. "Me too. I do admire Lily so much. I'd hate her to think I'd deliberately not show up for a meeting. It's just sad she's so shy. Are you going to the pub?"

Cal thought about it for a moment. One drink with Alicia wouldn't do any harm – but he shook his head. He'd promised Ethan he'd come straight home after work and Cal had never been much good at sticking to one drink. "Sorry. I'd really like to, but Matilda kept Ethan up all last night. I promised I'd take over so he can have a bit of a nap."

"Of course," said Alicia. She looked disappointed but not angry. "I understand. It must be really hard work for both of you. Maybe another time?"

"Definitely another time," said Cal. He stepped closer to her and kissed her on the cheek. "I promise."

* * *

Ethan looked dead on his feet when Cal got home. He was holding a sleeping Matilda in one arm whilst trying to stir a saucepan with another.

"Ethan, let me do that!" exclaimed Cal, taking the wooden thing from him (it probably had a name, but Cal had no idea what it was). "Go and put Matilda in her cot and then get to bed. I can handle things in here."

He was quite hurt by the doubtful look on Ethan's face, though he couldn't entirely blame him.

"I promise I won't burn the kitchen down again," said Cal. "If anything looks wrong, I'll come and wake you."

Ethan still hesitated, but then he gave Cal a grateful smile. "I could do with a nap, to be honest, and I think Matilda would be more comfortable in her cot, but I couldn't really leave the pans."

"You should have waited till I got home!" said Cal with gentle reproof as he awkwardly stirred a pan. He'd taken charge of dinner every day since Matilda had come into their lives, but he'd either cooked something fairly simple or got a takeaway.

"I… I just wanted to cook to say thank you for all the support you've given Matilda and me," said Ethan, his eyes meeting Cal's. "I honestly don't think we could have managed without you, Cal, and I'm so grateful."

"I'm happy to help, Ethan – and I want to help," said Cal. "But you will go and have a nap, won't you? Or at least go and have a lie down. I'm worried about you. Look: if you're worried about me cooking, you can always nap on the sofa instead. At least then you won't be far away."

"Okay. I'll do that," said Ethan, covering his mouth as he started to yawn. "Come on, Tilly. Time for bed."

"Wait: am I doing this right?" said Cal, looking down at the pans in alarm. "Are they supposed to be doing that?"

"I'll put Tilly in her cot, then I'll come straight back," promised Ethan. Cal expected him to spend at least five minutes watching her sleep, but he was back within one minute. "No: don't stab at it like that, Cal. Let me show you." Ethan put his hand over Cal's and moved the wooden thing. "Like that. And you'll need to keep lifting the lid on that one to check- no, not with your hands!" Ethan managed to grab Cal's hand in time. "Here: use a teatowel. That's right." He paused for another yawn. "Sorry. Just lift the lid every so often to check the water level isn't getting too low. The other one should be fine for now, but you'll need to switch it off in about five minutes."

Cal was getting confused. "Hang on. I need to write all this down."

"I'll do it." Ethan grabbed a pen and a post-it note and wrote some instructions. "Okay?" He yawned again and took off his glasses, wiping the sleepy tears from his eyes. "I'm going to have my nap now. Thanks, Cal."

"Sleep well, Nibbles." Cal patted his shoulder and went back to the trying not to let the flat burn down.

* * *

Ethan did manage to wake up for dinner, but he looked so adorably confused. "Why am I sleeping out here?"

"You wanted to make sure I didn't burn the flat down," explained Cal.

Ethan pushed his hand through his hair, making it stick up even more. "Why do you want to do that?"

"Well, I don't _want_ to," said Cal. "I was just a bit scared I might because I've never done this meal before."

"What?" Ethan blinked up at him, squinting in order to see his brother better. "What are you scared of?"

Cal sat beside Ethan, giving him a hug. "It's okay, Ethan. Don't worry. Everything's fine. Why don't you come and have something to eat?"

Ethan rubbed his eyes. "Okay."

"Come on then." Cal got him settled at the table and brought him his dinner. "How does that look?"

Ethan looked at it with less enthusiasm than Cal had hoped. "Why are we having that for breakfast?"

"It's dinner time, Nibbles," said Cal. "Don't you remember?"

"Dinner time?" Ethan looked shocked. "Then why was I asleep?"

"You were just tired, that's all."

Ethan looked down at his clothes. He was actually more smartly-dressed than Cal, but for Ethan, this was dressing down. "Didn't I go to work today? Am I ill?"

Cal laughed softly and patted Ethan's shoulder. "It's your day off, Ethan."

"Why was it my day off?"

Cal smiled. "Tell you what. Why don't you eat up all your dinner, then if you still don't know what's going on, I can answer all your questions then?"

Ethan looked as though he still wasn't completely sure what Cal was talking about, but he nodded. "Okay." He picked up his knife and fork and started to eat. He stopped and yawned. "Sorry. It's very nice, Cal. The dinner."

"Thanks, Ethan," said Cal, smiling at his sleepy brother. "I'm glad you like it."

A shrill cry filled the air. Cal half-expected Ethan to ask what the noise was, but instead he jumped to his feet. "I'd better just go and check on her, Cal," he said, instantly the calm, collected and completely-awake Daddy Nibbles. "I'll be as quick as I can."


	27. Chapter 27

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Ethan really will be broken if he finds out Matilda isn't his. It's definitely possible Taylor will come back. She didn't come back for Matilda in the series, but I think Ethan has made her a slightly better person in some respects. If that happens, Cal will give Ethan lots of hugs! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , maybe Ethan won't get hurt. It does seem quite unlikely for one of my stories, but you never know! I think Cal probably can cook a bit as he cooked Taylor a meal in the other reality, but I can imagine him being able to cook one romantic meal and nothing else! Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you're enjoying this. Alicia is definitely only interested in Cal. She was a completely different person when she was first in the show so I'm sure she wouldn't think of sleeping with her boyfriend's brother. And Ethan won't be interested in her because he still loves Taylor.

 **InfinityAndOne** , I think a lot of people in Ethan's position wouldn't have the paternity test, at least not if they'd bonded with the baby as well as Ethan. It's easier for Ethan in a way because if Taylor is telling the truth (though it is a big if), Matilda was conceived before they got together. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Ethan felt exhausted the next morning. He felt like he'd spent half the night with Matilda, who'd developed a strange allergy to sleeping and had screamed every time he'd thought about going back to bed.

Cal looked at him in concern when he appeared in the kitchen, Matilda in his arms. "Are you-" He stopped as he saw Ethan put a finger to his lips and spoke more quietly. "Are you okay?"

"For someone with a baby to look after, I'm probably about average," said Ethan wearily.

Cal put his hand on Ethan's shoulder. "Why don't you put Toad down and I'll make you some breakfast."

Ethan managed a smile. "She'll scream if I put her down. Well, probably. She's been asleep for the last ten minutes, but I'm not taking any chances."

Cal gave Ethan's shoulder a squeeze. "Put her down, Nibbles. She probably won't even notice. I'll tell you what: forget about breakfast. Go and have a nap instead."

"And you get out of making me breakfast. Again," said Ethan, but he smiled at Cal gratefully. "That sounds really good actually. I do need to talk to you about something, but it can wait till you get home – I'll be more awake then."

"Okay," said Cal, undisguised curiosity in his eyes.

Ethan nodded and turned back towards his room, but then he remembered something else he'd been thinking about as he'd paced his bedroom last night. "I was wondering…"

"No, I haven't cleaned the toilet yet, but I will," said Cal.

"I didn't mean that, but I'm glad to hear it," said Ethan, summoning up a smile. "I was just wondering… I know it's terribly short notice and I know I don't always react very well when you do it to me, but-"

Cal looked shocked. "I don't think you should be doing that sort of thing in front of Matilda, Nibbles. She'd better come in with me for the night if that's what you'll be up to. So, who's the lucky lady?"

"I don't mean _that_!" said Ethan, but he was too tired to get properly embarrassed. "It's Lily."

"So there is a lucky lady!" said Cal. "I had a feeling there might be."

"I wasn't thinking of a date," said Ethan. "But it's her dad's funeral the day after tomorrow and she's probably not going to feel much like cooking. So I was wondering if maybe we could invite her over for dinner?"

Cal frowned. He obviously wasn't that keen on spending time with the woman who'd upset his girlfriend.

Ethan could understand it. If Lily had upset Taylor, he wouldn't want to see her either. "I'm sorry. I know it's awkward after what happened with her and Alicia. But I feel like I should do something. She's going through something really difficult and I've hardly seen her. If it helps, I think there's a very high probability she'll say no."

"No, Ethan, it's fine," said Cal. "It's actually not Alicia I'm thinking of. I'm worried about _you_. I know you love Matilda and she loves you, but it's tough looking after a baby and your situation makes everything even more complicated. I know Lily needs support, but I don't want you taking on too much and tiring yourself out even more."

Ethan dropped his eyes guiltily. He should have realised Cal was thinking of him. He'd been so considerate since Matilda had come into their lives.

"But I don't mind Lily coming if it's really important to you," said Cal.

"I really think she needs us at the moment," said Ethan. "And she's been a really good friend."

Cal nodded. "Okay. But don't think about doing any cooking. Let me take care of that when I get home. It'll be something pretty simple as I don't want to create extra stress by burning the flat down, but if you're happy with that…"

"I'm happy with that," said Ethan. "Thank you. I really appreciate it, Cal. I'm sure Lily will too. Would you be able to ask her for me?"

"If she's at work, sure," said Cal. "But she might be… you know. Making preparations."

Ethan made no comment. When he thought about it, it did still anger him that Cal had done nothing in preparation for their mothers' funeral, but that was in the past and he didn't like to dredge it up when Cal had been such a help with everything. "If she's not at work, would you be able to let me know so I can give her a call?"

"Sure," said Cal at once, looking relieved to be spared having to do that himself. "No problem." He smiled. "Now you'd better get that little girl of yours to bed."

Ethan looked down at her and smiled uncontrollably. "I will. Come on, Tilly. Time for bed."

* * *

Cal smiled when he walked into the ED and saw Alicia waiting by the reception desk. Her face lit up when she saw him and she hurried to meet him. "Cal, guess what!"

"You've met someone you like even more than me and you're getting married?"

Alicia laughed. "No, of course not!"

Cal smiled in satisfaction.

"I mean, even if I have met someone, I wouldn't rush into marriage," said Alicia quickly.

"That's good," said Cal, relieved on his own account too. He liked Alicia a lot, but he wasn't planning on marrying her. At least, not for a very long time. "Is Lily around?"

Alicia shook her head. "She's got the day off today. She didn't tell my why: I asked, but she said it was a personal matter."

Cal thought about telling her about Lily's dad, but he decided it really was up to Lily whether she told her mentee or not. He thought back to when he'd been an F2: his mentor hadn't shared much personal information with him. Come to think of it, most mentors kept a bit of distance between them and their mentees. Ash and Lily hadn't exactly been friends.

Maybe it was slightly inappropriate for Alicia to keep asking Lily such personal questions and pushing for her to be friends. Lily was only a couple of years older than Alicia, of course, and she was the only female doctor who was really close to Alicia's age, but she was still a registrar and a mentor. Cal didn't mind at all that Alicia treated him as her equal, but he'd known a lot of doctors who would have objected to Alicia's impulsive friendliness.

But Cal didn't feel it was really his place to speak to Alicia about it and he didn't want to do anything that might affect their chances of having a relationship.

"So who are you going to work with?" asked Cal. "Zoe?"

Alicia shook her head, smiling. "Zoe said I could work with you… if you'll have me."

 _I'll have you anytime you want it, baby. Whenever. Wherever. However._

But it didn't seem right to say things like that to Alicia.

"Yeah, sounds good," said Cal. He moved his hands up and down her arms, then pulled her in for a hug. "Better than good, in fact."

* * *

Ethan strapped Matilda's carrier securely to the back seat and kissed her cheeks and forehead. "You're so beautiful: did you know that? The boys will all be after you… but I won't let them near you. Not till you're at least twenty-five. If not fifty-five."

He heard laughter behind him and wondered if it was directed at him, but he decided he really didn't care. He kissed Matilda once more and then shut the door carefully so he didn't startle her. As he drove to Lily's flat, he found he was talking to Matilda, telling her she'd need to give Auntie Lily a big cuddle because she was probably very sad. He knew he'd have to stop telling Matilda everything once she was old enough to repeat it, but for now, it was important to interact with her as much as possible.

It was a while before Lily opened the door. When she did, she looked at him in confusion. "Hi. I didn't know you were coming."

"But I texted you a couple of hours ago," said Ethan, who would never have contemplated arriving at Lily's house uninvited on what was bound to be an emotional day for her.

"Oh, yes." Lily pressed her hand to the side of her head. Her hair was tied back from her face, which was unusual for Lily now. She almost always wore it loose. "I'm sorry, Ethan. Please come in." She looked at Matilda. "Both of you."

Ethan hesitated. "If it's a bad time…"

"No. It is fine." Lily opened the door a little wider. "If I'm honest, I could do with the distraction."

From anyone else, the admission might have sounded slightly offensive, but not from Lily. She was simply telling him the absolute truth to reassure him he wasn't unwelcome.

They went into the living room and Lily hovered awkwardly before offering tea. Ethan didn't want to put her to any trouble, but he sensed she could do with a moment alone to get her head together. "Tea would be lovely, Lily. Thank you."

Lily nodded and went into the kitchen. Ethan lifted Matilda out of her carrier and held her snugly in his arms, smiling down at her. She was much more beautiful than he was, of course, but he thought there might be a resemblance around the nose and mouth. Maybe the eyes too. Matilda's eyes were blue, but Ethan's eyes had been blue when he was a baby. He hadn't seen any photos – his parents hadn't got a camera until Ethan was several months old and there were no baby photos of Cal at all – but his mum had told him the first time he'd seen her, he'd looked right at her with bright blue eyes.

"Thank you, Lily," he said when she returned with two cups.

Lily sat tensely opposite him. "How is Matilda?"

"She's very well, thank you," said Ethan. "She's not too keen on sleeping, which can be a bit of a problem, but apart from that, she's perfect." He leaned forward slightly. "How are you, Lily?"

"I am very well."

Ethan hesitated. "I'll be thinking of you."

Pain came into Lily's eyes. "I think you would do better to think of your daughter."

Again, Ethan didn't feel offended. He only felt himself hurting for Lily. "I'm sure I can manage to think of both of you. Is there anything I can do?"

"No. Thank you."

"Okay. Um… if there's anything I can do, just let me know."


	28. Chapter 28

_I've edited the last chapter slightly so Lily's dad's funeral is the day after tomorrow rather than tomorrow. I hope that's not the wrong decision as the chapter after this one does have a lot of similarities with this one._

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , thank you for your review. I can imagine Ethan being a very protective dad, but he'd be really sweet about it rather than annoying (though Matilda might get annoyed). Lily really needs a friend at the moment.

 **InfinityAndOne** , I'm so happy you like the part about Matilda developing an allergy to sleeping. I love your writing too. I didn't plan the baby photos part, but it seemed natural for Ethan to think about baby photos at that point and I thought there was no harm in dropping a hint of what might happen! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I remember you hate baby talk, but luckily for you, I can imagine Ethan chatting to a baby in a normal sort of way, though I'm sure he has the occasional lapse. I like the pairings too. I don't think this Alicia would dream of cheating on Cal, so I don't have to worry about him too much!

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. I love seeing all the characters looking out for each other too - I think a lot of drama can be created without the characters actually doing anything too terrible to each other. It is a shame about Matilda. It would have been lovely to watch her grow up and she was so good for Cal especially.

* * *

Cal looked at the sombre faces around him. Alicia's eyes were brimming with tears. Rita looked as though she could cry at any moment.

Cal didn't blame either of them. It wasn't as though he'd never cried over cases like this.

"If we're all agreed…" he said, his own voice slightly choked.

Most of those gathered around murmured agreement, but Rita just nodded, her lips trembling.

"No!" burst out Alicia.

Cal spoke gently. "There's nothing more we can do, Alicia. She's been asystolic for thirty minutes now. Her brain's been starved of oxygen… you know what that would mean even if we could get her heart restarted, which we won't."

"But she's only a little girl," sobbed Alicia.

"I know," said Cal. "It's not fair. She's too young. But there's nothing else we can do."

Alicia turned away. Rita put her arm around her. Cal announced the time of death, then he removed and disposed of his gloves before hurrying over to Alicia.

She was sobbing as Rita stroked her back and murmured softly to her. Cal touched her arm gently. "I'm sorry, Alicia. I know it's horrible. I hate doing it, but sometimes it's the only thing you can do. Can you take your gloves off for me?"

Still crying, Alicia did as she was told. Rita held out a clinical waste bag and Alicia dropped her gloves inside.

Cal wrapped his arms around her, feeling her shoulders jerking in time with her sobs. "Rita, I'm going to take Alicia for a break. Are you okay to deal with all this?"

Rita hesitated. "You really need to inform the parents."

Cal sighed. She was right. "Just let me get Alicia to the staff room, then I'll come back, okay?"

Rita nodded. "Sure." She patted Alicia's arm, then squeezed it gently. She didn't tell her everything would be okay. Cal knew the feelings would pass, but it wouldn't comfort Alicia to be told she'd soon stop caring that a child had died on her watch.

"Come on," he whispered and they walked out of Resus together, Cal's arm around Alicia's shoulders. A few people looked at her in concern as they passed, but Cal waved away anyone who looked on the point of interrupting. He took her to the staff room, which was, to his relief, empty. He led Alicia to the sofa and held her tightly for a moment before telling her regretfully that he needed to leave.

He liked Alicia. He really liked her. But he was starting to wonder if she was tough enough for this job.

* * *

Ethan didn't stay at Lily's for long. She was clearly struggling to stay focused, which wasn't like Lily at all, though it was completely understandable. Ethan remembered when his mother had died on his first day at Holby. He'd done his best, but it had been a real struggle and he'd been relieved and so grateful when Zoe had sent him home.

"I'll see you soon," said Ethan as he departed. "If there's anything I can do, please let me know, okay? Say bye-bye to Auntie Lily, Matilda." He lifted Matilda's hand and helped her to wave, but not even that lessened the sadness in Lily's eyes.

"Goodbye, Ethan." Lily's voice sounded slightly choked. "Goodbye, Matilda. Thank you for coming." She shut the door in a bit of a hurry, though not quite quickly enough for Ethan to miss the sound of her bursting into tears.

Ethan knocked on the door again, but Lily didn't let him in. He wasn't surprised. Lily had cried in his arms a couple of times and he'd felt they were close friends, but he hadn't been there for her when she'd needed him most. On the day her father had died, e'd promised to take her home and do her shopping for her, but then Taylor and Matilda had arrived and he'd felt he had no choice but to his promise. Since then, he'd only seen Lily once. He knew Lily didn't bear a grudge and that she understood why he was so buas, but their relationship had changed. A distance had grown between them.

It was sad, but it was Lily. For all the professional confidence she displayed at work, she was quite unsure of herself. If Ethan seemed to be backing away from her, then Lily backed away too. It wouldn't be easy to win her trust again. Ethan hoped he'd have the chance, but much as he cared about Lily, his life revolved around Matilda now.

He sent Lily a text letting her know he was going to sit in his car for a while in case she needed to talk, but she didn't reply.

"I'm sure Auntie Lily will be okay, Tilly," said Ethan as he drove home. "She's very strong. I can only dream of having half her strength. But it's going to be so tough for her and I wish she'd let me help."

* * *

"I'm sorry," sniffed Alicia.

"You don't have to apologise," said Cal. "It is very upsetting."

"She was just so young." Tears filled Alicia's eyes again. "Why did it have to happen, Cal?"

Cal stroked her shoulder. "I don't know."

"I know she was being stupid," wept Alicia, dabbing at her overflowing tears. "But she didn't deserve to die."

"No, she didn't," said Cal awkwardly. "It's always tough to lose a patient, especially when it's a child."

"But it's not fair!" wailed Alicia.

Cal wrapped his arms around her and let her cry into his chest. He felt a bit out of his depth. He wished Zoe or Robyn or Lofty would come in; they'd know what to do. Though Ethan would be the best of all.. But Cal felt useless, which was ridiculous because he'd been in Alicia's situation and he knew how it felt. "I know, baby. But you did everything you could."

"But it's not enough."

"I know," said Cal, patting her back helplessly. "I know."

"How do you learn to cope?" asked Alicia, looking up at Cal with wide, wet eyes. "How do you deal with something like this?"

Cal stroked her arm. "It is very tough. The same thing actually happened to me about six or seven months ago. That was a little girl too with similar injuries. I wanted to do a thoracotomy, but it was hopeless. Everyone else knew it and I knew t too, but I couldn't accept it. I was determined to do everything I could to save her."

Alicia wiped her nose. "What happened?"

"Zoe came along and she made me see the truth," said Cal. "I was distraught, but I knew she was right. Zoe told the parents for me and sent me to have a break. Then when Ethan got to work - he didn't come in till the afternoon for some reason - Zoe told him what had happened."

"What did he say?" asked Alicia.

Cal tried to think. It seemed so long ago now. "It wasn't really what he said. It was just knowing he was there." He stroked Alicia's arm. "And I'm here, Alicia."

Alicia rested her head against his shoulder. Cal stroked her hair and wished he wasn't so useless. No wonder Honey hadn't loved him.

"Wasn't your last rotation in paediatrics?" he asked her.

He felt Alicia nodding.

"How did you cope then?"

Alicia sniffled. "It was hard sometimes, but they didn't usually die!"

Cal wondered again if emergency medicine was really the place for Alicia.

He heard a small cough and looked up to discover Connie was there. "We're going back to work in a minute!" he said, sounding a lot more terrified than he'd meant to.

Connie sat beside him. "What's happened?" she asked.

Cal was about to answer, but then Alicia sat up, sniffling and brushing tears away. "I'm so sorry, Mrs Beauchamp. We lost a patient: a little girl. I'm afraid I let it get to me, but Dr Knight is being really kind."

Connie sat beside her. "Alicia, I know it's tough. We all have moments like this, but the more experienced you get, the easier it will be. All we can do with any patient is our very best. As long as you've done that, you have nothing to feel guilty for." She stroked Alicia's arm. "Why don't you go for your lunch now and we'll see how you feel afterwards."

Alicia gave her a watery smile. "Thank you, Mrs Beauchamp. I'll try to think of it like you said. It's kind of you to say I can go for lunch early, but I don't mind working."

Cal waited for Connie to tell Alicia it wasn't a suggestion.

"Everyone needs an extra break sometimes," said Connie. She smiled and stood up.

Alicia watched her go. "She's really lovely, isn't she?"

Cal couldn't quite get over it. "She is when she's talking to you."

* * *

Ethan was singing Matilda a lullaby when Cal got home. He stopped in embarrassment, then decided it really didn't matter if Cal laughed at him. Matilda needed to hear him singing to her and if Cal was immature enough to make fun of him, that wasn't Ethan's fault.

"Nice voice, Nibbles," said Cal.

Ethan ignored him and continued to the end of the song. "There! You liked that, didn't you, Tilly? He kissed her and turned to Cal. "How was your day?"

"We lost a little girl in Resus," said Cal.

Ethan gasped and shifted Matilda into one arm so he could put his arm around Cal. "I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, but Alicia was really upset," said Cal, starting to get upset himself. "I was mentoring her today."

Ethan moved closer to him. "So you had to push your feelings aside and be there for her?"

Cal nodded tearfully.

Ethan hated to see him so upset, but he was proud of Cal. So proud. "Here," he said softly, lifting Matilda onto his lap. "Cuddle Tilly. It helps."

Cal wrapped his arms around her and smiled slightly through his tears.

"You see?" said Ethan, as he hugged Cal. "Your niece has special powers. But I know not even Tilly can solve everything. It's always a horrible thing to go through. But I'm here and Tilly's here. You're not alone."


	29. Chapter 29

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I'm sorry I confused you with the death, but I'm glad you worked out it wasn't Matilda - I wouldn't do that to Ethan! Connie really is amazingly lovely sometimes. I think she's naturally lovely, but she's also very professional and good at staying detached, as she has to be in her job. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I agree it must be terrible when a child can't be saved. It must be horrible fighting to save a child's life in the first place, but then making the decision to let her go - I can see why Cal and Alicia were so upset. Babies are lovely because they're so affectionate. It won't be the end for a while yet...

 **InfinityAndOne** , I think Alicia can learn to detach, though I think all the doctors have had moments where they haven't been able to - even Connie. They're all human beings who were drawn to a caring profession. I have always felt it was slightly open to question whether Lily was entirely the reason why Alicia left - Alicia was clearly (and understandably) deeply traumatised and was given no support whatsoever by anyone. So I thought I'd bring that into the story a bit earlier. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I agree Ethan would be a wonderful father, but he needs to get himself a decent love interest first! It's hard to believe Alicia will be a good mother. She's supposed to be looking after a patient's cat, but she hardly seems to be home as she's at work during the day and in various men's beds at night!

* * *

Ethan was worried about Cal the next day. He'd heard Cal leave his bedroom more than once during the night and guessed he was having as much trouble sleeping as Matilda. The first time it had happened, Ethan had gone after him, but Cal had said he was fine – just thirsty.

He must have been very thirsty last night.

To his relief, Cal seemed much better the next morning, though he slept late and Ethan had to go and shake him awake because he'd forgotten to set his alarm clock. For once, Ethan didn't berate him. He got Cal's breakfast ready while he was in the shower and talked to him as he ate breakfast.

"I know it can be really tough going back after a day like yesterday. But you'll be fine, Cal. I know you will."

"I'm actually more worried about Alicia than me," admitted Cal.

Ethan couldn't help smiling. Cal really did seem to care about Alicia and so far, she seemed like a much better choice than Honey. Of course, Honey had seemed sweet too at first, but he was reasonably confident Cal hadn't made the same mistake twice.

Unlike Ethan, who'd made the same mistake with the same girl twice.

 _Oh, Taylor, I hope you're okay. I hope you're safe. I know being away from Matilda must be tearing you apart. I miss her when I put her down for her nap._

Ethan pushed the thoughts of Taylor away. "Alicia's very young and inexperienced, but I'm sure she can get through this."

"I hope you're right," said Cal. "She is a good doctor. She knows her stuff and she's got a lovely bedside manner. But I'm not sure she's cut out to be a doctor in the ED."

"I do understand – it's always difficult seeing a colleague upset," said Ethan. "But just because she's struggling now, that doesn't mean she'll always struggle. Strength can come with experience."

"But what if it doesn't?" said Cal.

"Even if the emotions stay the same, she will get better at dealing with them," said Ethan. "I… um… I remember becoming very upset once when I was an F2. My mentor sent me home in the end; I really was no use to anyone. I questioned whether I was good enough to do this job; I questioned whether I even wanted it."

Cal looked at him in concern. "Did you have anyone to support you?"

"I had all the support I needed," said Ethan. He'd had almost none, but there was no need to go into that now. "And gradually, I got better at dealing with everything. I'm sure it'll be the same for Alicia."

"Is there anything I should do?" said Cal. "Or not do? I don't want to make things worse for her."

Ethan looked at him sympathetically but also proudly. He'd never seen Cal care so much about anyone before – at least, he'd never known him make it this obvious. "It's difficult to say. Everyone is different and I barely know Alicia. But I would say listening to her and being honest but kind can only help."

"Thanks," Cal said gratefully and patted Ethan's arm. Then he started to laugh.

"What?" said Ethan.

"Did I seriously just ask you for advice about a girl?"

Ethan lifted his chin. "What's wrong with that?" He tried not to blush. "I have a baby daughter, Cal. I obviously got something right."

Cal laughed wickedly. "Yeah, and I know what too!"

Ethan blushed. "I didn't mean…"

"Oh, Nibbles! Not so innocent now, are you?"

* * *

Alicia wasn't at work when Cal arrived. He found himself hurrying towards Connie's office with the intention of asking whether Alicia was okay, but he changed his mind at the last minute. If one of your colleagues was late for work, the last thing you should be doing was telling Connie.

A few moments later, the door to Connie's office opened and Alicia came out.

"Alicia, are you okay?" asked Cal, with rather more anxiety than he usually liked to display in public.

Alicia smiled. "I'm fine, thanks. Mrs Beauchamp just wanted a chat about yesterday. She was really kind."

Cal still couldn't get over Connie's kindness to Alicia.

"She told me she was putting me on minors for today, but I'll be back in Resus in a day or two, depending on how things go," said Alicia. "But I feel much more positive today and that's because of you. Thank you so much, Cal."

"That's all- oh!" said Cal, as he became engulfed in an impulsive hug. He hugged her back and tried not to think about how sweet her hair smelled or what it was like to have her body pressed up against his.

Of course, it was completely impossible to think about anything else and he was almost relieved when she let go as he was on the point of making his feelings very obvious.

"Mrs Beauchamp says we can work together again today," said Alicia.

"That sounds good to me," said Cal. _As long as you don't hug me like that in front of the patients._

"So, shall we get started?" asked Alicia eagerly.

Cal looked at her closely. Maybe she was one of those people who bounced back after a good night's sleep.

But he was aware that a lot of doctors pretended to be a lot more upbeat than they were in order to hide what they were feeling inside (Cal had personal experience of that), and he was determined to keep a close eye on his temporary mentee.

It wasn't as though keeping a close eye on Alicia would be difficult.

* * *

Ethan carried Matilda down the path towards Lily's flat. "I don't know if we'll stay for long, Tilly. Auntie Lily might be very busy and she might already have visitors, though I'm inclined to doubt it: we didn't see any signs of extra vehicles parked, did we?" He kissed her nose. "Auntie Lily might be a bit sad, so we've got to be very brave and understanding if she asks us to go away. She's not being rude. She's just really busy and sad."

They reached the front door.

"Would you like to ring the doorbell, Tilly?" asked Ethan. "No: on second thoughts, you're still a little bit young for that. But never mind. You'll grow bigger and then you'll get to ring the doorbell every time. And you can press the button at traffic lights too. I used to love doing that, but Uncle Cal nearly always got there first because he's bigger than me. We still have a race to see who gets there first sometimes – and he still wins!" Ethan rang the doorbell and waited.

There was a long wait. So long that Ethan was on the point of going away again, but then Lily answered the door. "Ethan. Matilda. Hello."

Ethan smiled, but not too much, he hoped. "Hey. Matilda and I just thought we'd come and see how you were."

"You did that yesterday," said Lily.

"Right. Yes. I did," said Ethan awkwardly. "I was… concerned."

"Your concern is appreciated but unnecessary," said Lily.

Ethan took a step closer. "You don't have to pretend, Lily. Not with me."

"You have other priorities," said Lily, indicating Matilda.

"Matilda is very important, but it doesn't make you any less important," said Ethan. "I know I've neglected you and I'm so sorry. Please let me help, Lily."

Lily closed her eyes. "Please leave me alone so I can grieve in my own way." She opened her eyes and for a moment, Ethan caught a glimpse of the pain and turmoil inside Lily's head. He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her tightly, but he knew Lily wouldn't welcome a hug.

He nodded sadly. "Okay. We'll leave you in peace. I'm sorry, Lily. Wave goodbye to Auntie Lily, Matilda. Goodbye, Lily. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow." He turned away.

"Ethan?"

He turned, ready to run back to her if that was what she needed.

"Thank you," said Lily.

* * *

As soon as he could, Cal left his patient and raced to the staff room. Robyn was sitting with her arm around Alicia, who was dabbing her eyes and sniffing.

"I'm okay," she said. "I'm so sorry."

Robyn rubbed Alicia's back.

Cal sat down beside her. "It's a very emotionally demanding job, even when things go well. Why don't you go home? I'm sure Mrs Beauchamp won't mind. I'll go and ask her for you if you like."

 _Oh God. Did I really just offer to…_

"No, it's okay." Alicia smiled at him. "I'm fine really. I'm just not good with happy reunions. They're just so amazing and they make me feel so emotional because I'm so happy for them." Alicia's voice caught and her eyes filled with tears again. She wiped them away. "But I'm fine."

"You mustn't push yourself too hard," said Cal worriedly.

Robyn's face lit up. Cal knew his anxiety for Alicia's welfare would be all round the ED in a matter of minutes.

The only reason it bothered him was because Alicia might not want the whole of the ED to know she'd been crying.

"No, I'm fine now," said Alicia. "I just needed a minute." She smiled at Cal. "And now I'm ready for the next challenge."

Cal just hoped he was ready for _his_ next challenge – to get through the rest of the shift without kissing her.

* * *

Ethan had dinner on the table when Cal got home.

"Nibbles, you didn't need to do that."

"I was hungry," admitted Ethan with an embarrassed smile. "I don't know how, but I skipped lunch – I was reading and singing to Matilda and we must have got distracted. When I checked the time, it was nearly four. Matilda was ready for a nap, so I made dinner."

Cal looked at him worriedly. "Ethan, you need to make sure you eat properly."

Ethan felt surprised by his concern, then guilty for being surprised. "I know. I will be more careful in future. It just didn't occur to me that I could let three hours go by like that."

Cal smiled. "Time always flies when you're with a pretty girl."

"I… I wanted to talk to you about something," said Ethan awkwardly. "I meant to tell you last night."

"Oh, you did, didn't you?" said Cal guiltily. "Sorry, Ethan. Me getting upset obviously got in the way of that. But you can tell me now."

"I've decided to have a paternity test," said Ethan.

"Oh, Ethan." Cal hugged him. "Seriously. I am so, so relieved. You're doing the right thing. And I'm here for you."

"I'm only doing it so no-one can challenge paternity later, when Matilda's old enough to be upset by it," said Ethan. He smiled as he thought of his little girl. "I know Matilda's mine. I know it, Cal."


	30. Chapter 30

_The next few chapters are based on the episode 'Flutterby', but I've missed out a lot of the patient detail. I do love the medical side, but a lot of it would just be a repeat of what happens in the episode and it wouldn't add much to 'my' story._

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan** , it does make a chance for Cal to be asking Ethan for advice! It probably feels very odd to both of them. Though even in the series, while I don't recall Cal asking Ethan directly for advice, he does seem to like keeping Ethan updated on what he's going to do. Ethan will be beyond devastated. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , it takes several weeks for the result of a paternity test to come back and Ethan hasn't even had it done yet, so you can relax for now. He'll probably get the result sooner than Cal did, but not much. I think Lily often says less than she means, especially when expressing emotion. Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. We all like a bit of caring Cal so there seemed no better way to show he really does like Alicia. Taylor certainly couldn't love Matilda more than Ethan! Taylor says she didn't sleep with anyone else after she fist slept with Ethan, but Taylor's a liar and Matilda can only be Ethan's if she's premature.

 **InfinityAneOne** , thank you for your review. Ethan really will be completely crushed if Matilda isn't his. I think he tried to be realistic and keep the possibility in his mind at the beginning, but now he loves Matilda so completely, he's in exactly the same position as Cal in the series. But I thought he would still want to be there for Cal and Lily.

* * *

Ethan jolted awake. He realised he was on the sofa, Matilda in his arms. Cal had just opened the curtains, sending a bright shaft of daylight into Ethan's eyes, though he tried not to react to it. He didn't want to disturb Matilda.

"What time is it?" asked Ethan sleepily.

"Ten minutes after I should have been at work," said Cal.

"Oh no," said Ethan, and got up as quickly as he could with a sleeping baby in his arms.

"What are you doing?" said Cal, staring at him. "Stay there."

"I've got to get ready," said Ethan, feeling slightly panicky.

"What are you talking about?" said Cal. "You're on paternity leave."

"No, yes, no, um, not today," said Ethan. "Mrs Beauchamp called and asked me to go in. There's a bug going round and they're short-staffed."

"But what about Matilda?" said Cal.

Matilda woke up and started to cry. It was almost as though she knew her daddy was abandoning her. Ethan's heart ached and he cursed himself for not being able to say no to Connie. She'd been very reasonable about it – she'd said if Ethan couldn't do it, he only had to say no.

But it was Connie, so of course Ethan had said yes.

"I'll… I'll have to leave her in the work crèche," said Ethan, hoping Cal wouldn't notice the way his voice trembled.

It was probably just lack of sleep. He couldn't really be getting upset at the thought of leaving Matilda in the crèche. He hated being away from her, but he'd have to leave her there sooner or later.

He looked at Cal and recognised the guilty look on his face straight away.

He'd done something. Or more likely, _not_ done something.

"What?"

Cal stopped looking guilty and looked overly innocent instead. "Nothing."

He turned away.

"You have registered with them, haven't you?" said Ethan. He'd been going to register her himself a few days ago – he saw no harm in getting things done in advance, even if it was an alien concept to Cal – but he'd been elbow-deep in nappy when he'd mentioned it and Cal had offered to do it for him. He'd left the room and, a few minutes later, Ethan had heard the muffled sound of Cal speaking on the phone and he'd assumed that was Cal registering with the crèche.

But obviously not.

When he'd asked Cal later if everything was okay with the crèche and Cal had said yes, he'd seen no reason to disbelieve him. But Cal had never actually _said_ he'd registered Matilda.

"Yeah. I've registered her," said Cal.

Okay. Maybe he had. Ethan felt guilty. He shouldn't jump to conclusions like that about his brother. He was so much more responsible now.

"Good," said Ethan, and sniffed a couple of times. "Sorry. I need to change Matilda before we go."

"And yourself too!" Cal called after him. "You stink!"

* * *

Ethan almost didn't care that he was late for work. He felt guilty, of course, but that was nothing in comparison with the guilt he felt about leaving Matilda in the crèche. She was just a baby. She'd only been with him for a week and now he was abandoning her, just like Taylor. He knew he was coming back, but Matilda wouldn't.

Why couldn't he just have said no to Connie?

He arrived at the crèche and looked at it miserably for a moment. He knew it was a good crèche. The staff looked professional and competent. The children who weren't screaming their heads off seemed really happy.

But he didn't want to leave his baby here.

Ethan felt his eyes stinging and blinked hard. He knew he had no choice in the matter. All he could do was leave Matilda there and get on with his job.

He could still visit her in his breaks. Maybe more often than that if the ED wasn't too busy.

He opened the door and went inside. "Hi, um, I'm Ethan Hardy. I've brought my daughter Matilda." His voice wobbled.

If the receptionist noticed, she didn't care. "What's her full name, please?"

"Matilda Hardy." Saying that put a little bit of a smile on Ethan's face, but his heart was still aching. He couldn't be leaving her already. She was too young.

"Let me just check that for you." The receptionist turned to her computer. "Matilda Hardy, did you say? No, I'm sorry, Mr Hardy. There's no Matilda Hardy registered here."

Ethan groaned silently and closed his eyes. Cal had messed it up. How typical of him. "Is she under Matilda Ashbie? Or Matilda Clement? Or Matilda Knight?" It was possible the person who'd registered her had got confused and given Matilda Cal's name instead of Ethan's as Cal was the one registering her, but it was a silly mistake considering that so many children didn't have the same surname as both parents.

The receptionist sighed. "I haven't got time to look up every name – and if she'd registered under the wrong name, we can't take her anyway."

Ethan groaned silently. He couldn't even trust Cal to do one simple thing right. "Could I register her now, please?" he asked meekly.

"I can give you the paperwork, but even if you fill it in right now, it will take a couple of days for it to get processed."

"Please help me," said Ethan. "I'm a doctor in the ED. I'm supposed to be on paternity leave for another week, but there's a bug going round and we're short-staffed. I do realise you have rules to follow, but is there any way you could possibly make an exception just this once? I wouldn't ask you to break the rules unless it was an emergency."

The receptionist's voice was cold. "It always _is_ an emergency when someone asks us to break the rules."

"Please?" said Ethan. "I don't know what I'm going to do if you don't look after her."

"I'm afraid that's not my problem. I can give you the paperwork now, but that's all I can do. I'm sorry."

* * *

Cal's eyes widened when he saw Ethan dressed in scrubs with Matilda in her sling around his neck. "You're seriously going to treat patients like that?"

Ethan glared at him. "It's not like I have much choice, considering _someone_ didn't register with the crèche."

Cal groaned. "I'm sorry, Ethan. Couldn't you get them to take her anyway?"

"Unfortunately, I don't have your charm," said Ethan bitingly.

Cal touched his arm. "I'm sorry, okay? Let me talk to them."

"No." Ethan really didn't want anyone to annoy the receptionist any more than he already had. "You've done enough."

"Okay, so I make one mistake in a whole week and suddenly I'm the bad guy?" said Cal.

"It's not just that you didn't do it!" Ethan almost wailed. "You lied about it, Caleb. You told me she was registered and I walked in there and looked like I was trying to pull a fast one."

Cal opened his mouth.

"And don't you even think about making any jokes about 'pulling a fast one'!" said Ethan. "I can assure you, I'm not going to laugh."

Cal sighed. "Okay, I'm sorry. I did mean to call them, but I couldn't find the number. So I decided to go to the crèche in person and sort it out, but I must have forgotten. I am sorry, Ethan."

"Then why didn't you just tell me that before I went to the crèche and made a complete idiot of myself?" said Ethan, his voice rising.

"I don't know," said Cal, rubbing his hands over his face. "I don't know why I do anything sometimes."

"Or _nothing_ , in this case!" said Ethan. "Caleb, what am I going to do now? I can't work with a baby attached to me. I won't be able to bend over and examine patients. And if she is premature, which she must be, she's not going to have had her full complement of antibodies from her mother, so she'll be very vulnerable to infection!"

"Okay. Okay." Cal put his hands on Ethan's shoulders. "Calm down, okay? We'll sort this."

"How?"

"Easily," said Cal. "Just take Matilda home and look after her. I'll tell Connie you've got the bug."

Ethan shook his head. "Then she'll wonder what's happening with Matilda. We'll have to tell her the truth, Cal. It's all we can do."

* * *

Connie listened with a far from impressed look on her face. "I might have known you'd mess this up somehow."

"It's not Ethan's fault!" said Cal defensively. "It's mine."

"Oh, believe me, Dr Knight, I am well aware of that," said Connie. "I was aware of that before you even opened your mouths. Though really, Dr Hardy, you should have known better than to ask your brother to do something as important as that."

Ethan looked at the floor. "Cal has been really helpful."

"But clearly not on this occasion," said Connie. "Okay, Dr Hardy: you'd better go home. You can't work with a baby and of course you can't leave her to fend for herself. Dr Chao is here; she can cover for you."

Ethan looked at Connie in shock. " _Lily's_ here? But it's the day of her father's funeral."

"Thank you, Dr Hardy. I was not unaware of that," said Connie. "Dr Chao wanted to work and I've so far seen no evidence that she isn't fully capable."

Ethan knew there was a chance Lily might be completely all right. She was very focused, after all. But her father's death had hit her very hard. He didn't think it was safe to take a chance like this – but he could hardly question Connie's decisions.

"Okay, you can go. We'll try to manage without you for the next couple of days, Dr Hardy, but I would recommend registering with the crèche sooner rather than later – you'll be needing it. _If_ you intend on coming back to work."

"Oh, I do," Ethan assured her.

Connie looked down at her work for a moment. "Are you still here?"

Cal and Ethan left the room together. Ethan felt rather as though he'd just been in a boxing ring with a heavyweight. He decided that comparing Connie to a heavyweight was not something he should do out loud.

The door was almost closed when Connie called his name. He told Cal he'd see him after work and went back inside. "Yes, Mrs Beauchamp?"

"Shut the door."

Ethan shut the door.

To his surprise, Connie smiled. "Before you leave, perhaps you'd care to introduce me to Matilda."

Ethan felt his whole face light up as he hurried to Connie's side and proceeded to spend a good ten minutes telling her how wonderful Matilda was.

It seemed as though Connie completely agreed.


	31. Chapter 31

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I think some of the teasing is part of the brotherly love - sometimes Cal goes too far, but I think Ethan secretly enjoys some of the teasing! I think Connie probably has more sympathy for Ethan than she's letting on - she has a little girl too. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , my mum always used to get annoyed when she asked me to do something and I went to do it straight away, but I knew I'd forget about it otherwise and she was even more annoyed when that happened! There's a lovely scene of Cal in scrubs with Matilda in a sling, so I copied that for Ethan. Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. Cal just can't help messing up! I thought even Connie couldn't be completely immune to Matilda! As you say, who wouldn't love her! Even Taylor wanted to leave Matilda with the best man she knew. I bet Ethan really loved having the chance to tell someone how amazing Matilda is!

* * *

Cal knew he had to start work, but he'd promised Ethan he'd keep an eye on Lily. Ethan had just made it very clear how important it was for Cal to keep his promises and if Cal happened to see Alicia when he was checking on Lily, that really wasn't his fault.

As soon as he saw Lily, the warning bells began to ring. She was smartly-dressed as usual in a black knee-length dress, but she was wearing her glasses instead of contact lenses and there was something odd about her hair. It was pulled back from her face, which was unusual for Lily now, but although it was in some kind of elaborate plaited kind of style, it looked greasy, as though she hadn't washed it.

Perhaps there was some kind of funeral custom Cal didn't know about, but even if there wasn't, Cal knew better than to tell a girl it looked like she hadn't washed her hair.

He hurried to catch up with her. "Lily, are you okay?"

Lily looked tired and drawn. "I must go to my patient, Dr Knight."

"Lily, you shouldn't be here." Cal wanted (in a completely platonic way) to pick her up and carry her out of there. "You've just been to your dad's funeral and you're obviously not fit-"

"Dr Knight, I am not your patient and even if I was, my personal life is not your concern," said Lily. "Kindly permit me to continue with my job."

Cal looked at her helplessly. "It is okay to take time off, you know. If you tell Mrs Beauchamp-"

Lily raised a hand. "I have already spoken to Mrs Beauchamp on the matter. She has agreed I am fit to work. If you have doubts, I suggest you take it up with Mrs Beauchamp."

She turned and walked towards Resus. Cal trailed after her, desperately wishing he could do something. He couldn't really interfere in one of Connie's decisions, nor expect to come out of the encounter alive if he did.

But could Connie really believe Lily was capable of working?

He followed Lily. She walked into small Resus.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" he heard Alicia say as the door closed behind Lily. "Dr Chao is leading here."

The door swung back and forth a few times. It was easy for Cal to stop and listen.

He wasn't sure exactly what he was doing. He had patients of his own to treat.

But he was worried.

"So what do we have then?" said Lily, sounding completely uninterested.

That worried Cal too. Lily wasn't usually interested in her patients as people, but she was fascinated by medical conditions.

"Well, I don't know about you," said the patient. "But I have fibrodysplasia ossificans progressiva."

 _What the hell is that?_ thought Cal. Ethan would know – so would Lily, for that matter – but he had no idea.

"Some sort of bone growth abnormality," said Lily.

"Er, it's a rare condition," said Alicia. "Muscles, ligaments and tendons turn to bone either spontaneously or when damaged."

Cal smiled, proud of his girl. It was a rare condition and she knew about it.

And Lily, apparently, didn't.

Cal's smile disappeared as he wondered if Lily really didn't know or if she'd just demonstrated how poorly she was functioning at the moment. It might be a rare condition, but when Lily had helped him and Ethan revise for their FCEM, there had hardly been anything she didn't know.

"Some hilarious people refer to it as stone man syndrome," said the patient. "Which offends me on at least two levels."

"Why did the paramedics not know about this?" said Lily, as Alicia walked around to examine the patient's back.

"I never said anything," said the patient. "My boyfriend-" She stopped. "Fiancé. He doesn't know."

"I'm sure your love life is very important," said Lily coldly. "But you could have endangered your life by refusing to mention such a crucial detail to the paramedics."

Cal saw the shock on Alicia's face at Lily's words.

Lily might be right. Cal didn't know much about fibro-ossia-thingy. But there were times to give your opinion and times to keep quiet. The patient seemed to understand her condition better than Lily and she was clearly capable of making a decision. Besides, the fact she hadn't told the paramedics was irrelevant now. She was no longer in the paramedics' care and there was probably nothing they could have done anyway, even if they'd heard of the condition. The important thing was she'd informed her doctor as soon as she'd seen her. Cal didn't see how Lily could expect more.

"Dr Chao," said Alicia in a soft voice. She looked worried now.

A hand touched Cal's shoulder and, to his great annoyance, he cried out in shock.

"Nothing to do, Cal?" said Charlie. "Come with me."

* * *

"Ow! Watch it!" said Ida.

Cal's patient had told the paramedics she was sixteen, but it was obvious to Cal that she was much closer to six. She'd collapsed at the swimming pool and injured her foot whilst training to be an astronaut. Her explanation of how this helped had gone right over Cal's head.

Everyone in the hospital seemed to know more than him today.

"Sorry," said Cal. "There is some bony tenderness to the foot. Do you think you can stand on it?"

Ida shook her head decisively.

"Okay," said Cal.

Charlie entered the room. "Your school hasn't managed to get hold of your dad yet, Ida. But they've left him a message."

Ida looked at him in annoyance. "What did you do that for?"

Cal tried not to smile. "Don't talk to him like that. He's a national treasure."

"Don't talk to him like that!" Ida imitated him.

"I mean it," said Cal.

"I mean it!" said Ida.

Cal shrugged and looked over at Charlie. "Tell her, Charlie."

Ida shrugged too. "Tell her, Charlie!"

Cal wondered if this was what Matilda would be like when she was 'sixteen'.

"Actually, I've got this, Cal," said Charlie. "There are other patients who need to be assessed."

"Okay," said Cal, more than happy with this arrangement. Once he was behind Charlie, he poked his tongue out at Ida.

He could tell from the set of Charlie's back that he knew exactly what Cal was doing.

Charlie was as bad as Connie and Ethan sometimes.

* * *

Ethan was trying to be patient. After all, Matilda was just a baby and everyone was allowed to have bad days.

Matilda was definitely having a bad day.

"Come on, Tilly. Drink your milk," said Ethan. "It's very nice!" He pretended to drink from the bottle. "Mmmm! Delicious!" He held the bottle to Matilda's mouth again. "Come on, darling. Drink some milk for Daddy."

Matilda gave Ethan a look that could only be termed a glare and started to grizzle.

"It's okay, Matilda," said Ethan, as a smell came to his nostrils. "You'll be fine. It's just your normal, lovely milk. You loved it this morning." He sniffed. "Though actually, maybe there's something else we need to do first. So how about we go and take care of that, and then we'll see about your milk. Does that sound okay?"

Matilda started to scream.

"Okay. I'll take that as a yes," said Ethan. He lifted her up and groaned aloud when he saw what had happened.

Matilda's nappy wasn't just full. It was leaking.

* * *

Cal smiled when he saw Alicia coming towards him. "Hey. Ready for a break?" He saw the look on her face. "Alicia, what's wrong?"

"Lily!" said Alicia. "I don't know what to do with her, Cal. We've got a patient with fibrodysplasia ossificans progressiva. That's when-"

"-when ligaments, tendons or muscles turn into bone, either spontaneously or because of damage," said Cal.

Alicia looked guilty. "Sorry. It is a rare condition and Dr Chao didn't know what it was, so I thought maybe…"

"It's okay," said Cal. "I didn't know what it was till, um… quite recently. What's Lily done?"

"What hasn't she done?" said Alicia. "She's so cold with the patient. She's usually a bit distant and that's okay, but she's so… forbidding. She was rude about the patient's love life. There's no need for that!" Her voice rose. "And now she's blaming me for not notifying her about a change in the patient's condition. She implied I was too busy gossiping about the patient's fiancé to notice!" Alicia's voice as shaking now. "I was talking to her about her fiancé, but as soon as she started struggling to breathe, I asked someone to fetch Dr Chao. But they must have missed her and she walked in and saw the patient with an oxygen mask with her sats dropping and-"

"Hey." Cal put his hands on Alicia's shoulders. "Come here. It's okay." He held her close to him for a moment. "You haven't done anything wrong."

"Then why's she being like that?" said Alicia, more quietly.

Cal rubbed her shoulders. "Lily's… going through a really rough patch. That doesn't make what she's doing okay, but you do need to… be aware of it, step in when necessary and try not to take things personally."

"Should she even be at work?" asked Alicia.

"Honestly, I would say no," said Cal. "But she spoke to Mrs Beauchamp about it and she okayed it. I know it's horrible seeing a doctor treat a patient like that, but she's not technically breaking any rules. Is she providing the correct treatment at the correct time?"

Alicia considered. "The patient has a small pneumothorax and I thought we should aspirate, but Lily said we should wait to see if it settles."

"Well… sometimes that is the correct thing to do," said Cal gently. "A small pneumothorax will often heal on its own and with her condition, isn't it possible the needle might cause damage that causes more tissue to turn to bone?"

"I guess," said Alicia, lowering her head. "I thought it would be okay as the pneumothorax is small, but… maybe I am just wrong."

"Don't worry. I'm wrong all the time," said Cal. "Ask anyone! But the thing is, if Lily's clinical decisions aren't being affected, I don't think there's really much we can do. I know the things she says to you must hurt and if you want me to have a word with her, I'm happy to do that. But it's not really Lily saying those things. She's going through a difficult time and it's obviously affecting her. It's not really Lily and she's not really talking to you."

Alicia smiled at him gratefully. "Thank you, Cal. That really helps. Ethan and Matilda are so lucky to have you."

Cal smiled back.


	32. Chapter 32

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I think that's exactly what Lily is doing. Not everyone deals with grief in the same way and as Lily's career was so important to her dad, she might feel she's honouring his wishes in some way too. I think Ethan would really struggle without Cal. Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , throwing yourself back into work can be really helpful, but in an ED, there are literally lives at stake. So while Lily might be doing the best thing for herself, she might not be doing the best thing for her patients. It's so difficult. I'm glad you still find Matilda adorable! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , Lily shouldn't be rude to her patients, but I find a lot of people react like that - they get caught up in a previous mistake and forget their job is to deal with the situation as it is, not as it should have been. I'm glad Ethan still seems loving to Matilda even when he's stressed. Thank you for your review.

* * *

The milk was cold.

It shouldn't have come as a surprise that the milk was cold. It had taken Ethan ages to clean up Matilda and then clean the sofa and change his trousers. Then Matilda had been sick on him and for such a tiny girl, she covered a big range. Ethan had needed to change his trousers again as well as getting a new shirt. After that, he'd discovered it he needed to clean the sofa again.

This had all taken so much time, of course the milk was cold!

But for some reason, it really upset Ethan. It just wasn't fair! Matilda couldn't help her bodily functions, but why couldn't the milk have the decency to remain warm?

"It's okay, sweetheart. I'll just go and heat up some more milk," he said calmly, but he was feeling anything but calm inside. He put Matilda in her cot and went to prepare another bottle. He filled the kettle with tap water and boiled it. He had to leave it to cool for thirty minutes and went to play with Matilda.

She was fine for the first five minutes, but then she started screaming.

And screaming and screaming and screaming…

After fifteen minutes, Ethan didn't think he could cope anymore. "Okay, I'll go and check the temperature of the water. It probably won't be cool enough yet, but maybe we'll be lucky."

He kissed Matilda and went back to the kitchen. He found the thermometer and held it in the water, listening all the while to Matilda's hiccupping gasping sobs. He knew Matilda well by now and he knew she was just crying, but she was his baby and that meant every cough was a choke; every gasping breath was croup; every break between screams was a sign she'd stopped breathing.

The thermometer slipped from Ethan's fingers and fell in the water. Unthinkingly, he tried to remove the thermometer from the water.

Ethan screamed more loudly than Matilda.

* * *

"She, um, doesn't give much away," said Ida's dad. "But I had no idea still missed her mum that much."

"Have you ever asked her?" asked Cal. He kept his voice soft and non-judgemental and he kept his gaze ahead of him, giving the man some emotional space.

"I don't know how," admitted Ida's dad. "She was cleverer than I was by the time she started primary school."

Cal smiled. He had a feeling his niece would be very clever too. Both her parents were geniuses, in their own way.

If Ethan was Matilda's father.

"I thought the best thing to do was just… try and get on with our lives," said Ida's dad.

"The… best thing for who?" asked Cal carefully.

Ida's dad turned to look at him. There was pain etched on his face. "I go through hell and back. Every day. I can't watch her do it as well."

Cal's phone rang. He looked to see who it was. Ethan. "Sorry, mate, I've got to get this. Are you going to be okay?"

Ida's dad nodded. "Yeah."

"Okay?" said Cal. He was concerned, but he was more concerned for Ethan and Matilda. It wasn't like Ethan to call Cal at work and he'd been so upset last time... Cal walked away from reception. "Ethan, what's happened?"

"Everything!" Ethan sounded close to tears. "Matilda wouldn't stop crying and she wouldn't feed and then her nappy leaked all over me and all over the sofa so I changed her and changed me and cleaned the sofa, then she was sick on me! So I got changed again and cleaned the sofa again and tried to give Matilda her bottle, but it was cold! So I heated up the milk, but she kept crying and I couldn't calm her down and I went to test the milk and I burned myself!"

"Ethan. Ethan, it's okay," said Cal. "I know it's stressful, but you can deal with this. You're a doctor. You can treat a burn. Can you take a deep breath for me, Nibbles? And breath out? That's right. Now do the same again? Well done. Have you got a free hand or are you holding Matilda?"

"No, I put her down."

"Are you still in the kitchen?"

"Um… yes."

"Okay, put your hand under the cold tap. Keep it there for a while, then wrap it in a bit of wet kitchen roll. Then you can check on the milk again. How does the burn look now?"

"A bit red," said Ethan.

Cal was sympathetic. He often burned himself when he tried to do anything involving cooking. "I know it hurts, but the pain will go off. You'll be fine. You can do this. Even I can treat a burn and you know how useless I am. Don't worry, Nibbles. Everything's going to be fine."

* * *

When Cal saw Lily standing alone in the corridor, his first feeling was anger. He knew none of this was really Lily's fault, but he'd seen how upset Alicia was. She was probably also upset about the future her patient was likely to have. In situations like this, a young doctor needed the support of her mentor.

But when Cal saw the look on Lily's face, his anger drained away.

He knew what it was like to lose a parent. He knew how everything got mixed up in your head so you could hardly see straight - but you weren't aware of how bad it was. All you could think of was that you were so desperate to keep going because you were scared of what would happen when it stopped and there was nothing for you to do but think and remember.

"Lily," he said softly.

Lily looked up at him. "Mrs Beauchamp has sent me home."

"I'm sorry," said Cal. He knew it wouldn't help to say he thought it was a good idea. "What happened?"

"My patient is refusing treatment," said Lily. "She has a small pneumothorax, which I hoped would settle, but it has become more serious. She needs aspiration, but she doesn't want it because she has fibrodysplasia ossificans progressiva. That is-"

"I know what it is," said Cal.

"I was wondering how to persuade her, so I asked Mrs Beauchamp's advice," said Lily, her voice hard. "I thought it would be acceptable in the circumstances, but she sees it as a sign I'm not on top of my game and I need to go home. She is treating my patient now."

Cal looked at her sympathetically. "Mrs Beauchamp makes snap judgements sometimes and there's not much we can do to change her mind. But it is a really difficult situation and when Mrs Beauchamp meets your patient, I'm sure she'll realise that."

"I don't want to go home!" burst out Lily.

Cal wasn't sure she'd accept a hug, so he stroked her arm instead. "I know, Lily. I know."

"What am I going to do?"

"You could study," said Cal. "Or you could help Ethan with Matilda. He's pretty stressed and I'd go home in a second if I could."

Lily lifted her chin. "Then go home. I will treat your patients."

Cal shook his head. "Sorry, Lily. If Zoe was clinical lead, I might have done it, but as it's Connie…"

Lily's lips pursed in disapproval. "You are afraid of her."

"You bet I am!" said Cal. "I'm sorry, Lily. I'd help if I could. But in this situation, I think all you can do is, um, humour Mrs Beauchamp and go home."

* * *

"Please, Tilly." Ethan was begging now. "Please drink your milk for me. It really is very nice and I want you to be strong and healthy."

Matilda carried on screaming.

"I'm sorry you're upset," whispered Ethan. "I'm so sorry I can't make it better. I know I'm your dad and I'm supposed to know what to do, but I don't."

He put the milk down on the sofa beside him and rocked Matilda gently in his arms.

"It's okay, Tilly. It's okay. I'm right here and I love you." He felt her forehead again, but she didn't seem to have a temperature. "I wish you could tell me what was wrong. You know I'd do anything in the world to make it right. But I don't know! I'm so sorry. I know I'm a useless dad."

Matilda screamed even louder.

Ethan's head was throbbing. The pitch of Matilda's shrieks and howls seemed to echo inside his ears. He wanted to hold his hands against them, but he couldn't let go of Matilda. He was her dad and he could never let go. He'd just have to keep going and deal with it for the rest of his life because Matilda would always be his little girl.

"Please could you stop crying?" pleaded Ethan. "I want to make it better, darling. I want that more than anything. I just want to see you smile again." His arms felt ready to drop off from the weight of Matilda. His back and shoulders ached. His head felt so heavy. Ethan let it fall backwards against the sofa, but still the crying continued.

Ethan's breath was quickening. His forehead pounded. He took of his glasses and threw them aside in the hope that might help, but it didn't. Matilda was still screaming. Even without his glasses, Ethan could see her face was red from exertion and wet from her tears. He choked on a sob of his own.

 _I can't do this. I can't do this._

 _I can't care for my own baby._

 _Did I really just think that? About my daughter?_

Ethan squared his shoulders and gulped down the next sob. He couldn't give up. He mustn't. Matilda was only a baby.

He reached for his glasses, but they seemed to be wet. The sofa was wet.

"What now?" he groaned.

It was the bottle. It had fallen over and now the sofa was covered in milk.

"No," whispered Ethan, shaking his head. He couldn't cope with anything else.

It had been stupid of him to put the bottle on the cushion on the cushion, but he couldn't go back in time. He couldn't click undo on his computer so the bottle was upright again. All he could do was keep going…

…but he couldn't.

Tears gushed from Ethan's eyes and his sobs rose and fell in unison with his daughter's.

 _I can't do this anymore. I can't._


	33. Chapter 33

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I agree that Ethan needs to tell Cal how he's feeling. Cal has been really good about supporting with his brother and helping with Matilda, so he'll probably do his best to help. Even just a few words of encouragement might help! Thank you for your review.

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review. It's tough being a parent! Ethan knows it's wonderful, but he's also found out it's stressful, emotional, exhausting... and at times it seems impossible! I think he's doing brilliantly, but he's a bit of a perfectionist and he won't agree.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you liked the way I wrote it. It is a nightmare for Ethan at the moment, but he loves Matilda and I don't think he'd change a thing, apart from his ability to cope with stress! I'm glad the pan bit worked. It was silly of him, but it's easy to be silly when you're stressed.

 _Thank you to **Gingersnaps2507** for the favourite._

* * *

Cal was almost back at Ida's cubicle when the phone rang again. "Hey, Nibbles. Hold on for a second, okay?" He found somewhere a bit more quiet. "Okay, what's up?"

"I… I just don't think I can do this anymore," sobbed Ethan, as Matilda screamed in the background. "It's so hard and she won't stop crying and I don't know what to do!"

Cal wished he was with Ethan right now. He knew his brother loved Matilda and was just as much committed to caring for her as ever. In a couple of hours, he would probably feel fine and wonder what he was so upset about, but right now, it seemed like one thing after an another. "Ethan, you can do this. I know you can. You're a great dad and that hasn't changed."

"I love her," wept Ethan. "I really do, Cal. But maybe I'm not cut out for this."

"Of course you are," said Cal. "Ethan, every parent goes through this and it's tougher for you because you weren't expecting to be a parent and you haven't got a partner to help you – you've only got me and let's face it: I'm pretty useless."

"You're not," said Ethan with a sniffle. "I couldn't do any of this without you."

"I think you could, but you don't have to," said Cal. "And as soon as I get home, Ethan, you're going to go and have a long, hot bath. Then I'll make you something to eat and then you can go to bed and sleep as long as you like because I'm not working tomorrow."

"But they might need you if everyone's still ill," whimpered Ethan.

"Then they can call a locum," said Cal. "As Connie should have done today instead of bothering a guy on paternity leave. I bet this is half the problem, Ethan. You're feeling guilty that you couldn't work on top of the stress of caring for a baby… no wonder it's getting to you."

"Can you come home, please?" asked Ethan in a small voice.

Cal was shocked he'd even asked – but that showed how exhausted and overwrought Ethan was. "I might be able to sneak away soon. I do have a patient – a very irritating little girl who can probably spell better than you can – but she honestly seems fine. She'll probably be good to go soon."

Ethan sniffed a couple of times and released a sigh so deep, Cal could almost feel it. "No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Of course you must stay and finish your shift. I'll be fine for another couple of hours."

"Are you sure?" said Cal anxiously. "If I ask Charlie, he might be able to let one of the nurses go round and help you out…"

"No, I couldn't do that," said Ethan, his voice stronger now. "I'll be okay, Cal. It helps just to know you're there."

"I'm always here for my little brother," said Cal. "Except… well… the times when I'm not. But I hope they're getting fewer and further between now I'm an uncle."

"Yes. They are," said Ethan with a shaky laugh. "Even before that." He sniffed. "You've been great, Cal. Really great and I'm so grateful. I might think I'm not coping now, but if you weren't here, it would be so much-"

"Cal, what are you doing?" Charlie had opened the door. "You're supposed to be with Ida."

"Why? What's happened to her?" asked Cal in a low voice, holding the phone against his chest and hoping Ethan wouldn't hear.

"Secondary drowning," said Charlie. "Luckily, Lily was there to diagnose and treat it. If she hadn't been…"

"Lily? But she's been sent home!" said Cal. "Are you sure she was fit to treat the patient?"

"Her conduct was exemplary," said Charlie. "You're very lucky secondary drowning is almost impossible to detect and even luckier Lily was there, but you really need to come and see your patient now, Cal."

"Just let me say goodbye to Ethan." He spoke into the phone again. "Sorry, Nibbles. I've really got to go. But I'll be with you soon, okay?"

"Is everything okay?" asked Ethan anxiously.

"Everything's fine," said Cal. "I just need to discharge a patient before she breaches. I'll speak to you later, okay? Bye." He turned to Charlie. "He was already feeling guilty for not being able to do his extra shift today. I couldn't tell him he'd distracted me from my patient too."

"No, that's okay," said Charlie. "It's difficult for you both at the moment and I know you've been supporting Lily and Alicia too. But seriously, you have a lot to thank Lily for."

"And I will," said Cal. "After I've taken care of my patient."

* * *

"Hey, Cal," said Alicia. "Are you off now?"

"Yeah, I need to get back to-" He stopped, frowning. Had she been crying again? "What's happened? Did Lily upset you?"

"No, everything's fine," said Alicia. "I met Lily's mum and she told me Lily's dad had just died. I knew she went to a funeral today, but I didn't realise it was her dad. Isn't she just so brave to come to work at all? I know she wasn't so good with considering her patient's feelings, but her clinical skills were spot on and did you hear what she did? Some idiot doctor – no idea who: probably one of the locums – abandoned their patient, who was just a little girl, and she couldn't breathe and Lily just walked right in and diagnosed secondary drowning. She was great with her too, everyone said. Really considerate and everything."

Cal smiled a bit awkwardly.

"Who could abandon a little girl though?" said Alicia.

"Um…"

Alicia went bright red. It clashed with her pink hair, but it was adorable. "Oh, Cal, I'm so sorry! I need to think before I speak. Obviously, it wasn't an idiot doctor. It was a doctor who's been very distracted and been looking out for his brother, his niece, his girlfr… no, his friend! I mean his friend! It's no wonder you can't do everything when you're trying to be everywhere at once. Of course you're not an idiot. I should have used my brain instead of just judging you. I'm as bad as Lily! Oh, not that Lily's bad…"

Cal just about managed not to kiss her. He wanted to get this relationship right and he wanted their first kiss to happen in the right way – in a moment of mutual affection. He hugged her instead. "It's okay. Don't worry. And I have been an idiot. If I'd done what I'd promised and booked Matilda into a crèche so Ethan could work his extra shift, none of this would have happened."

Alicia looked concerned. "Do you think Ethan was capable of doing an extra shift? It did sound like he was quite upset. Oh, not that I was listening to your conversation or anything…"

"You're right," said Cal. "Maybe it is better that it happened this way. At least this way, it all worked out. At least… is your patient okay? The girl with, um, FOP?"

Alicia's eyes misted over.

"Oh God… Alicia… I'm sorry, baby. Come here."

"No, it's okay!" said Alicia. "She told her fiancé about her condition and he still wanted to marry her, just as much as before! She actually broke up with him for his own good, but he persuaded her he only wanted to be with her. He finished his proposal and it was so romantic, Cal. You should have seen it."

"Yeah… it probably wouldn't hurt to pick up a few tips in the romance department," said Cal. "I mean, I might be needing them very, very soon…"

Alicia looked up at him. "Really? How soon might that be?"

"I think I need to give Ethan a couple of days," said Cal apologetically. "I'm not working tomorrow and I think I'm just going to let him sleep as much as possible. I'm back at work on Monday – if Ethan doesn't need me – and I should probably go straight home after that. Tuesday Ethan has to go for his p… for a test he's got to have done and he might need me to stay with him, but after that, I'm all yours." _At least till Ethan gets the results._

"I can't wait!" said Alicia.

Cal couldn't wait either.

* * *

Ethan almost cried again with gratitude when he finally heard the door being unlocked. Cal hurried over and sat down beside him, wrapping his arms around Ethan and Matilda. He kissed the top of Matilda's head and seemed to come close to doing the same to Ethan, though he stopped himself at the last minute.

"How are you both?" asked Cal gently.

"Matilda's fine now and I'm bit better," said Ethan. "I'm so sorry about before. I suppose I'm just tired, but that's no excuse. I'm a dad and I need to be able to handle situations like this."

Cal stroked Ethan's back. "You managed it fine, Nibbles. All you needed was a bit of support, as all parents do sometimes. There's nothing wrong with that. Has Matilda had her feed now?"

Ethan nodded. "Yes, and her bath." He smiled at his daughter. "And you feel much better now, don't you, darling?"

Matilda made a small sound that could have been assent.

"Good!" said Ethan, unable to stop himself from smiling at her.

Cal smiled. "You see? You're good at this! But I can see you're tired. Why don't you go and have a nice, hot bath to relax you, then by the time you're out, I'll have some dinner ready for you."

"I honestly think I'd fall asleep in the bath," said Ethan, his head drooping.

"Actually, looking at you, I think you might be right!" said Cal. "Forget the bath. And dinner too. Go and have a nap – or sleep right through till morning if you need to. I'll have my dinner now and I'll make you something when you wake up."

Ethan smiled at him gratefully. "I shouldn't let you, but that really does sound good."

"Of course you should let me," said Cal. "I'm happy to help and besides, I need to make up for not booking Matilda in at the crèche." He patted Ethan's back. "Off you go to bed, Nibbles. Sleep well."


	34. Chapter 34

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , for once, Cal seems to be doing well in both his personal and professional life! Being an uncle is very good for him - being a father overwhelmed him at times, but he's probably a very good uncle most of the time. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , Alicia was much nicer when she had pink hair, though there is a scene when she's quite rude to Dylan, which I didn't like. It was wrong of Cal to desert his patient - he could have been with another patient when the crisis occurred, but then he'd have been easier to find! Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , that's very true what you say - only people who really care a lot get upset over the fact they think they can't do something, though Ethan is doing a lot better than he thinks. It is nice being able to write about them as a little family. Thank you for your review.

 **X-Sammii-X** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you've enjoyed all the updates - you're very kind! Cal has matured a lot. I loved him as Matilda's dad too. I do love it when Cal and Ethan get on - it makes me sad when they argue in Casualty and I much prefer it when they're on the same side.

* * *

Cal looked worriedly at Ethan. "You're sure you'll be okay?"

"I'll be fine!" said Ethan, smiling down at the sleepy and contented baby in his arms. "I told you, Cal. Yesterday was just a blip and you probably won't be out for long."

"I could leave it till tomorrow," said Cal.

"Lily did do you a pretty big favour," said Ethan. "As you didn't catch her last night, I think you should really speak to her today."

Cal still looked doubtful, but he nodded and went to get ready. Ethan returned his attention to Matilda. It was amazing how much a good night's sleep had helped. He felt back to his best now and ready for anything.

If he was completely honest, he was worried about how he'd cope if the same set of circumstances arose again, but the fact was, he had coped. He had phoned his big brother in tears, which wasn't something he thought he should be doing at his age, but he'd also done everything he possibly could for Matilda.

He could certainly manage while Cal paid Lily a quick visit. And it was likely to be quick. Lily was grieving and not particularly sociable at the best of times. Ethan didn't think Cal would be there for long.

* * *

Lily looked surprised and not overly thrilled to see Cal. "Hi."

"Hi, Lily," said Cal, wishing she looked just a bit less unfriendly.

"I was wondering if we could have a quick chat?" said Cal awkwardly.

Lily hesitated. "Come in," she said, standing aside.

"Thank you." Cal went into the flat and sat down as Lily took a seat opposite. "This won't take long. I just wanted to thank you for helping Ida yesterday."

Lily frowned. "Ida?"

"The little girl with secondary drowning."

Lily's face cleared. "Yes. Ida. Your patient."

Cal told himself Lily was stating a fact rather than criticising him. That was what Ethan would say she was doing. "Yeah. My patient. Who I failed pretty badly. Ethan was having a bad day and he needed support, but I had a duty to my patient and I failed her. I'm just so lucky and so grateful you were around to help out. Thanks, Lily."

Lily nodded. "You're welcome."

"You know if I can ever do the same for you…"

"You actually did in a way," said Lily. "It was not a good day for me. As you know, I failed my patient tooe. I am glad I was able to prove to myself and to Mrs Beauchamp that I am a good doctor."

"Then I'm glad I was able to help you out," said Cal.

Lily nodded again. "And the child, Ida. Is she okay?"

"She's fine now," said Cal. "Obviously, her dad will keep an eye on her for the next few days – which might not be a bad idea anyway, considering what that little monkey gets up to! – so he'll bring her in if there are any concerns, but I think she'll be fine."

"I'm glad," said Lily softly.

"And your patient's fine too," said Cal. "The girl with FOP. Mrs Beauchamp got her to agree to the needle aspiration and the engagement's back on so everything's great."

"I'm glad," said Lily again. She looked away. "Alicia was good with the patient."

"Yeah. One great thing about this ED is that we're all different," said Cal. "We all have different strengths, which Is important. The down side of that is that it means we all have weaknesses too – I won't bore you by going through all mine – but these are things you can improve on. For a doctor of your experience, Lily, you have very few weaknesses and a lot of strengths."

There was something like gratitude in Lily's eyes. "Do you really mean that?"

"I don't think I'd bother to say it if it wasn't true," said Cal. He smiled. "And anything that mentions the fact I have weaknesses is bound to be true!"

Lily gave a small smile. "Perhaps you're right, Dr Knight."

"I very occasionally am, Dr Chao."

Lily smiled again. "Would you like some coffee?"

* * *

Ethan couldn't think what was keeping Cal. He hadn't wanted to go to see Lily in the first place and Ethan was fully expecting the conversation between them to be short. He wondered if it was Alicia's day off too: perhaps Cal had gone to see her.

But if that was the case, he'd have mentioned it. Well, probably.

Ethan kissed Matilda's forehead and held her with one arm as he sent Cal a quick text. _Everything okay?_

The minutes ticked past. Ethan bounced Matilda up and down and sang her a few nursery rhymes. At last, a reply came. _Still at Lily's. Are you okay? I can come home if you want._

Ethan texted back to say it was fine, but he was surprised. Although the three of them had forged a tentative friendship, Cal and Lily were much closer to Ethan than to each other. The thought crossed Ethan's mind that maybe Cal was trying his luck again and Lily, in her grief-stricken state, didn't have the strength to resist.

Ethan really hoped he was wrong. It wasn't fair on Lily – or Alicia. But all he could do was get on with caring for his daughter and hope Cal wasn't in the process of breaking two doctors' hearts.

* * *

Lily had a sip of her drink and rested it on her knee, both hands wrapped around the mug. Either she had a much higher tolerance to heat than Cal or she was using a better-insulated mug.

Cal really wanted to believe it was the latter.

"I thought I would find mentoring an invigorating and interesting experience," said Lily. "So far, it is not what I expected. _Alicia_ is not what I expected."

"Alicia is a very good doctor, you know," said Cal.

Lily stiffened slightly. "She is capable, yes, and she has potential. But she has little regard for boundaries."

Cal tried to speak patiently. "She just wants to be your friend, Lily."

"But it's not appropriate for me to be friends with my mentee," said Lily. "I was not close friends with Dr Ashford. He kept very clear boundaries, which I respected."

"Yeah: like when you got drunk and hit on him in the pub?" Cal couldn't resist saying.

"As you say, I was drunk," said Lily in a hard voice. "Additionally, Dr Ashford had asked me if I would consider dating an older man. It seemed I misinterpreted the remark."

Cal's amusement changed to sympathy. "To be fair, I've been caught out like that too. That wasn't your fault, Lily. Anyway, it was ages ago – he's gone – and I'm sorry for bringing it up." He paused. "And it's a good point about boundaries. I was never mates with my mentor either."

"Therefore Alicia should not expect to be 'mates' with me," said Lily.

"I can see where you're coming from," admitted Cal. "To be fair to Alicia, I don't think there's any disrespect intended. She looks at you and sees a girl of about her own age with the same job as her. She thinks you're more alike than you actually are. I think it also hasn't occurred to her about boundaries."

"I have not seen her speak to Dr Hanna or Mrs Beauchamp with the same level of familiarity."

"Dr Hanna and Mrs Beauchamp at least fifteen years older than Alicia – not to mention consultants," said Cal. "And Alicia probably doesn't know them that well as she's always been with you. I really don't think it's disrespect. She's just misjudged the situation."

"So what should I do?" asked Lily.

Cal was struck by the uncertainty in her eyes. It surprised him. one thing that had always impressed him about Lily was that she always seemed to know exactly what to do. "Do you want me to have a word with her?"

Lily hesitated.

"I won't mention you talked to me about it," said Cal. "I'll just wait till I see her being overfamiliar, then the next time we're alone, I'll have a word with her about boundaries."

There was indecision on Lily's face and it was a while before she answered, but finally she said: "No."

Cal told himself not to be offended by the abruptness of her reply. Ethan said it was a bit like a shorthand with Lily.

"I think that as it is my problem, I should deal with this myself," said Lily at last. "I appreciate your insight, Cal, but it was unprofessional of me to consult you and I'd rather Alicia didn't know that. Even if it is not your intention to tell her, she might ask you directly and guess what happened."

"Fine," said Cal, feeling slightly hurt even though he knew she had a point.

"It might also impact on your relationship with Alicia," said Lily. "I would not want that."

Cal looked at her in surprise.

"But thank you for your interest," said Lily.

A dismissive phrase, but perhaps Lily meant exactly that. Cal had shown an interest in a problem she was having and allowed her to talk to him and she was grateful. "You're welcome, Lily."

Lily smiled.

* * *

Ethan told himself to keep calm. Just because Cal had spent a couple of hours with Lily, it didn't necessarily mean he was doing anything wrong. For one thing, he didn't think even a grief-stricken Lily would agree to sleep with Cal.

"Hey," said Cal as he entered the living room. He bent down to kiss his niece. "Hey, Matilda! Have you had a good day with Daddy then?"

"Have you had a good day with Lily?" Ethan couldn't stop himself from asking.

Cal nodded. "Yeah, I did actually. You're right, Ethan. She's actually okay once you learn her shorthand. We had a chat about Alicia and ways of improving their working relationship I think I might have helped a bit."

Ethan looked at him closely. It was possible Cal was telling the truth; that he'd spent the time with Lily for Alicia's benefit.

But perhaps it might be as well to keep an eye on Cal. Just in case.


	35. Chapter 35

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I loved Ida! She was a brilliant character. I feel mean saying this as it would involve her getting injured/ill again, but I'd love to see her come back to the ED. She's one girl who definitely didn't fall for Cal's charms! I'm glad you liked Ethan and baby Matilda. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. It would be sad if Cal broke Lily's heart, but I think he's more interested in Alicia at the moment! I love the way Lily speaks and it's probably better for her to say something that comes naturally to her. She might sound a lot less genuine if she started using the latest slang!

* * *

Alicia looked up and smiled as Cal entered the staff room. "Hey."

"Hey, beautiful," said Cal. "Is Lily in today?"

"I haven't seen her," said Alicia, her face filling with sympathy. "I do hope she's okay."

"I actually saw her yesterday," said Cal. There was no harm in saying that much, though he wished he hadn't mentioned it when he saw Alicia's face fall. "Not like that! I just went round to thank her for helping my patient. the day before yesterday. I didn't stay very long-" (Okay, maybe that was a bit of a lie) "-but I think she's coping pretty well."

Alicia was looking worried again. "Lily is a very strong person. So maybe she will cope a lot better than most people. But sometimes the people who seem to be coping on the surface are breaking apart inside."

"Maybe she is," admitted Cal. "But we can't be sure. I really think all we can do is keep an eye on her and hope she'll be okay. I think the best way of comforting Lily is to pretend everything's normal as far as possible. She won't appreciate being treated like a pane of glass. Lily doesn't like to show weakness and it's often better not to acknowledge it when she does."

"But she'll feel much better if she talks about it!" said Alicia.

"Maybe you would," said Cal. "Maybe most people would. But not everyone is the same, Alicia, and – no offence – if she does want to talk to someone, she can always go to Ethan."

* * *

Ethan had only looked at his phone calendar to check the date of Matilda's next appointment. He knew it wasn't for another month, but it was very important Matilda didn't miss it.

But he didn't get as far as checking it. It was tomorrow's item that grabbed his attention.

 _Paternity test 10.30_.

Ethan flung his phone aside and buried his face in his hands.

* * *

Cal was really enjoying himself. Alicia looked so pretty and his shift didn't officially start for another two minutes so they had lots of time. "So, you like karaoke?" he asked her.

"I love it!" said Alicia, her face lighting up. "I wouldn't say I'm any good at it. Actually, I'm pretty awful. But it's like you get to be a popstar for just a few minutes with the music and everyone's watching you and cheering you… I always wanted to be a popstar."

"Not a doctor?" asked Cal teasingly.

"Well, I always wanted to be a doctor too," said Alicia. "But being a doctor and being a performer aren't completely different. They're both healing jobs, I think."

Cal tried not to sound too incredulous. "How does singing save someone's life?"

"It doesn't physically," said Alicia. "But music can be really good for mental health. The act of singing or listening to a song can cheer you up and that's so important. Don't you think?"

Cal smiled. "I have to say it often works for Matilda."

Alicia giggled delightedly. "I rest my case! So, how is your little niece?"

"Much better-behaved than she was two days ago," said Cal, before feeling a bit disloyal. "Though she's never _badly_ -behaved. She's just a baby and she doesn't know how to sort out her own problems or even explain how she feels. Actually, she takes after her uncle!"

"She sounds adorable," said Alicia. "I can't wait to meet her."

"I'm sure that can be arranged," said Cal.

"Dr Knight!" said a voice from the door.

Cal looked up guiltily. "I was just going to start work, Mrs Beauchamp. So was Alicia. But it's not her fault. I delayed her."

"No, he didn't," said Alicia at once. "I'm so sorry, Mrs Beauchamp, but I actually didn't notice the time. It's my fault."

"Alicia, you had your back to the clock!" said Cal. "You don't have eyes in the back of your head – though you'll need them if you want to be clinical lead one day."

"They're certainly extremely useful with someone like you in the ED, Dr Knight," said Connie. "I actually wanted to speak to both of you. Dr Chao isn't coming to work today, so I was wondering if you'd be willing to work together."

"Very willing!" said Cal at once.

"I was hoping you weren't quite as willing as _that_ , but it'll have to do," said Connie. "Dr Hardy is off too, of course; I have far too much to do and I'm not sure Dr Hanna and Dr Keogh are ready to mentor anyone."

Cal was inclined to agree about that. Zoe and Dylan were managing well as far as he could see, but splitting from your husband on your wedding day, nearly drowning, having a severe OCD episode and seeing your boat explode with you on it would upset anyone. "I'd be happy to mentor Dr Munroe, Mrs Beauchamp."

"Then I suggest you get to work," said Connie.

* * *

Ethan had only phoned Lily to ask how she was. He had no idea how he had somehow become the topic of conversation. He knew he needed to switch the conversation back to Lily: she was the person who needed support. But when Lily said with certainty: "There's something wrong, isn't there?" Ethan found himself replying: "I'm having a paternity test tomorrow."

"And you're concerned about the result," said Lily.

"No, not at all," said Ethan.

Lily didn't sound convinced. "Why would the paternity test worry you if you were not concerned about the result?"

"It's just…" Ethan stopped, wondering if he really wanted to tell Lily. She had enough problems of her own and she might not understand. Perhaps you had to be in the situation to understand fully.

"What?" asked Lily, quite gently for her.

"I feel guilty," admitted Ethan, looking over at the cot where Matilda lay sleeping.

Lily sounded confused. "What do you have to feel guilty for? You have no reason to feel guilty for doubting Taylor's word. She has proved on many occasions that she cannot be trusted."

"No, I know," said Ethan sadly, feeling a pain in his chest as he thought of Taylor. She he'd given him many reasons not to trust him and there was no hiding from that, but he still loved her and wished that somehow, the three of them might be reunited.

"Then why do you feel guilty, Ethan?" asked Lily.

"Because of Matilda," said Ethan.

Cal smiled at Alicia. "So, what do you think, Dr Munroe?"

Alicia looked nervous, but Cal could tell she was going to give this a go. "The patient is tachycardic, hypotensive with chest pain and distended neck veins. Let's get a line in and we'll get some FBCs, U&Es, cardiac biomarkers, and group and save."

"Anything else?" said Cal when she didn't continue. "The tachycardia and chest pain is also a concern…"

"Oh, and an ECG," said Alicia quickly. "Sorry. And a chest x-ray."

"Don't worry. You're doing great. And for the hypotension?"

"An echocardiogram," said Alicia. "To exclude cardiac tamponade and acute valvular rupture."

"Treatment?"

"Okay, um, we'll put her on high-flow oxygen. And as she's hypotensive, we need to administer a cautious fluid challenge with continuous cardiac output monitoring to measure the response."

"Good."

"And also 2.5mg of IV morphine and 10mg IV metaclopramide," said Alicia.

Cal shook his head. "Yes to the morphine, but the patient is nineteen. I agree it's not likely to make a lot of difference, but you can't give someone under twenty metaclopramide unless they're suffering from severe vomiting of a known cause. You need an alternative antiemetic like domperidone."

"Domperidone isn't advisable as it's been discovered to cause bleeding in the stomach," said Alicia.

"True, but that's more of a problem with long-term use," said Cal. "Though it's still not the ideal as the patient is already having cardiac trouble."

"I won't suggest cyclizine for the same reason," said Alicia. "So maybe prochlorperazine?" She saw Cal's nod and smiled. "2.5 mg of IV morphine and 5mg prochlorperazine, please."

"Good work, Dr Munroe."

"Thank you, Dr Knight."

* * *

"Why would you feel guilty about Matilda?" asked Lily. "The procedure is non-invasive. She might find it unpleasant, but it will be over quickly and cause no lasting damage."

"It's not that," said Ethan unhappily.

"Then why not tell me what it is?" said Lily. "I admit I have some proficiency in the art of mind-reading, but on this occasion…"

Ethan smiled despite himself. "Having the test implies I doubt that she's my child."

"And if you did doubt, you would have good reason to," said Lily. "But you have already said on many occasions that you're convinced Matilda is your child."

"I am convinced," said Ethan. "I couldn't love her so much and so quickly if she wasn't. Oh, I do know that's not scientific and I have no doubt that if she was Cal's daughter, I'd be saying exactly the same things as you. But… it's hard to explain, but I don't think it's something you can truly understand unless you're a parent."

"You could be right," was all Lily said on the subject. "But why does this feeling cause guilt? It might imply that you have doubts about Matilda's paternity, but as you are very clear this is not the case. If Matilda ever discovers you had a paternity test, you can explain why you did it and ensure you you never had doubts."

"I know, but…" Ethan stopped, frustrated. "I don't know how to put it into words. But having a paternity test implies that my love is somehow conditional; that if it did happen to come up negative – which I know it won't – I would therefore stop loving her. But I would never stop loving her. Never. I know she's my daughter, but it's not that that makes me love her. Maybe part of it's pre-programmed in me: I don't know. But I love her for so many reason that are nothing to do with the fact she's my daughter. I love the way she looks at me; I love the little noises she makes; I love the way she smiles at me…"

"That's just wind," said Lily. "And all babies make the same noises."

"No, not really," said Ethan, deciding to let the smile thing go. He knew Matilda was smiling and that was the important thing. "They all make different noises. It isn't something I've noticed before, but I'm aware of it all the time now; at least, whenever I see a baby. They make different noises; they have different voices; they have different personalities. If Matilda wasn't my child, that wouldn't change who she was. It wouldn't make me love her even the tiniest bit less. And I don't ever want her to think it would."


	36. Chapter 36

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , Ethan really would be devastated if Matilda wasn't his baby. Alicia would be a great popstar now - and she'd be all over the tabloids with her drinking and her men! But the old Alicia would be a better role model. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I think it's true about speech impediments and singing. Singing can help people who are recovering from strokes too. The paternity test shouldn't be too bad, but poor little Matilda will be a bit surprised! I don't think scriptwriters are much into pairs - they seem to prefer triangles. I hope this chapter doesn't make you sad! Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. Unfortunately, Cal's reputation has preceded him a little bit, but hopefully Ethan will soon realise there's nothing to worry about. It is good Lily has the brothers' support, but they might get a little bit distracted...

* * *

Cal watched in concern as Ethan poked at his cereal with his spoon. "You need to eat, Nibbles."

"I'm not hungry," said Ethan.

"Look, I understand you're nervous about the test, but you still need to keep yourself healthy," said Cal. "Especially as you won't be getting an uninterrupted night's sleep for at least the next two years."

Ethan put his spoon back in the bowl. "Cal, do I really need this test? I know Matilda's mine."

Cal sighed. "Ethan, we've been through all this. If you haven't had a paternity test, another man could contest your claim to paternity and that could upset Matilda."

Ethan looked down at his bowl for a moment an then nodded. "You're right. Of course you're right. I just don't want Matilda to believe even for a moment that I doubted she was mine."

"Then tell her you didn't doubt it – if the situation occurs," said Cal. "She might never ask. And if she does, tell her evil Uncle Cal pushed you into it."

"You're not evil," said Ethan, but he managed to smile. "You've been great, Cal. Matilda and I couldn't manage without you."

"And you'll never have to, Ethan," promised Cal. "I'll always be here."

* * *

Ethan was used to hospitals. He'd worked in a few since completing medical school and even before that he'd done work experience and voluntary work, as well as being admitted on various occasions as a patient.

But today, it all seemed very different.

Ethan wrapped his arms more securely around Matilda – he'd wanted to hold her, rather than put her in the sling – and murmured softly to her, trying to reassure himself at the same time. "Everything will be okay, Matilda. It might feel uncomfortable for a little while, but then it will be all over and you'll never have to worry about it ever again. Then the whole world will know what we knew from the first moment we met. You'll be fine, sweetheart."

He felt Cal touching his back lightly. "That's right, Ethan. You'll both be fine."

"I hope so." Ethan felt a sudden surge of fear and turned to his brother. "It will be okay, won't it?"

"Of course it'll be okay," said Cal.

"I mean, I know she's mine, but-"

"It's natural to be nervous," said Cal. "But whatever the outcome, Ethan, I'm here for you. You're not going through this alone."

"Of course I'm not," said Ethan, trying to calm himself down, but his voice was trembling. "Thank you, Cal. I'm glad you're here. And I don't need to worry about the outcome. I know Matilda's my child."

Cal stopped walking and pulled Ethan into a hug, careful not to squash Matilda. "It'll be okay. I'll be right here." He let go of Ethan and bent to kiss Matilda's cheek. "You've got your uncle Cal here, Toad, so you don't have to worry about anything."

* * *

"I have a funny feeling I'm repeating myself here, but Ethan, you've got to eat," said Cal.

Ethan knew he was right, but he couldn't bring himself to try even a mouthful of the salad Cal had prepared. He felt awful. So guilty. The lab staff had probably thought him crazy for jabbering on to them all about how he knew Matilda was his and he didn't really need the test and then explaining why he was getting it done. All the staff had been very kind and soothing and said that was fine, but Ethan didn't think they really believed him. And even if they did, he felt guilty for blurting out his feelings like that.

"Come on, Ethan," said Cal, more gently. "I know it was difficult for you to go through that, but you have a baby to take care of and you need to keep your strength up."

"I just can't believe I did that," said Ethan, his eyes stinging.

Cal came round to Ethan's side of the table and sat beside him. "You did the right thing, Ethan. You really did."

"I feel so disloyal."

Cal put his arm around him. "You have no reason to feel like that, Ethan. Absolutely no reason at all. You did the right thing and I'm proud of you."

Ethan blinked hard. "I hope Matilda never finds out what I did."

"There's no reason why she should," said Cal. "You don't have to keep the record of paternity in the house – you can get rid of it if you like. There will be an online record. And even if another guy does come crawling out of the woodwork, Matilda might not need to know about that either. Because there will be an online record saying you're the father."

"I know, but-" Ethan stopped. He didn't want to go into all this now, when Cal was meant to be going back to work. "You'd better eat your lunch. You'll be late."

Cal hesitated. "I don't need to go in, you know. Mrs Beauchamp did say I could stay with you if you were upset."

"I'm not upset," said Ethan untruthfully. "I really am fine, Cal. I just don't ever want to hurt Matilda – and I'm sure that's a thought every father has. I'll be fine." He turned to smile at the (for once) sleeping baby in the cot beside him. "It's not like I'll be alone."

* * *

Alicia smiled when she saw Cal and almost ran over to him, abandoning her files on top of the reception desk. "How did it go?"

All Cal had told her was that Matilda was going for a check-up and there was no indication Alicia suspected it was anything more serious than that, but she seemed to know it was important to Cal in some way.

He smiled and gave her a hug. "It went well. Matilda's fine. Ethan was worried, of course: he's the daddy, so he panics if she cries fora second longer than usual, but he'll be okay."

"He's such an amazing dad," said Alicia warmly.

Cal frowned slightly.

"And you're an amazing uncle!" said Alicia quickly. "Matilda's such a lucky girl."

"Yeah," said Cal, smiling at her, his momentary insecurity gone now. "She is. And speaking of lucky girls…"

Alicia giggled. "Yes?"

"How do you feel about dinner tomorrow night?"

"Oh, Cal, I'd love to!" said Alicia in delight.

Cal waited for the smugness he usually felt when a girl agreed to go on a date with him, but it didn't happen. Instead, he just felt happy Alicia felt the same way as he did. She could so easily not have liked him (another thought Cal didn't have about a woman very often) or she could have got fed up with waiting for him to be ready to ask her out.

"Speaking of lucky…" said Cal, smiling down at her.

"Yes?" said Alicia.

"I'm a _very_ lucky boy."

* * *

Cal was smiling as he drove home from the hospital. He could hardly believe Alicia had said yes. He'd made her wait around for so long and he'd already broken her heart once and she must have heard all about his reputation from Louise and Robyn, but she still wanted to go out with him.

He'd explained that he might have to reschedule if anything happened to Ethan or Matilda, but she understood that and said it was fine. "Family is very important and Matilda's just a baby. She always has to come first."

Cal had agreed, though he didn't say so. He'd spent most of the day deciding where he wanted to take Alicia and had finally settled on the third-most expensive restaurant in Holby. Not that he wouldn't have been happy to take her to one of the more expensive ones, but he wanted to keep them in reserve for occasions that were even more special than a first date.

Like anniversaries. Cal couldn't remember the last time he'd been with a woman long enough to have an anniversary - he hadn't even been with Honey for all that long - but he had a feeling it could happen with Alicia.

He was still smiling as he made his way up to the flat, but the smile was wiped from his face when he walked into the living room to find Ethan in tears.

"Ethan, what is it?" Cal asked anxiously, sitting beside his brother and putting his arm around him.

"I'm sorry, Cal. I didn't realise how late it was." Ethan sniffed and wiped his eyes with a tissue.

"Ethan, if you're upset, then I want to know about it," said Cal. "I want to make you feel better." He stroked Ethan's arm. "Matilda's okay, isn't she?"

"Yes: I just put her down for a nap." Ethan wiped his nose. "I'm sorry. I'm okay. There's nothing wrong."

Cal held him more tightly. "You don't have to lie to me, Ethan. You can tell me what's wrong. Is it the paternity test?"

Ethan hesitated, then nodded. "But I still feel so disloyal. To Matilda and to Taylor. I know it's silly. I know I had to have it done and Taylor did say she wasn't 100% sure. But I feel so guilty. She's only a little baby."

"Exactly: so she'll have no idea," said Cal. "But you didn't do it because you doubt she's yours. You did it because you wanted to protect her from other men who might understandably want such a beautiful little girl to be theirs."

Ethan's eyes flooded again, though he was smiling too. "Thank you, Cal. That's a nice way of looking at it. Thank you." He blew his nose. "Sorry. I think I'm proving that being emotional when you have a new baby isn't necessarily related to the physical act of giving birth."

Cal gave him a hug. "It's fine. It's been a difficult day and I'm not surprised you're emotional. I'm sure I would be too. It's okay, Ethan."

Ethan wiped away the last of his tears. "So, um, how was your day?"

Cal looked at him in concern for a moment, wondering if it was a good idea to let Ethan change the subject. "I had a great day. Obviously, we'll see how you and Matilda are feeling tomorrow, but if you both feel up to it, Alicia has agreed to have dinner with me tomorrow night."

Ethan stared at Cal in delight, his face completely transformed now. "Cal, that's wonderful! I'm so happy for you! And of course Matilda and I will be okay."


	37. Chapter 37

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , it took a while for Cal to get the DNA results so it will be a bit of a wait for Ethan as well! But he might have other worries soon. The brothers had such a great relationship. I'm sure we aren't the only ones who miss it! Cal and Alicia's date is in this chapter. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I think the original Alicia was more suited to Ethan than the new, unimproved version, but Alicia likes Cal, and Ethan still loves Taylor. So there won't be any love triangle in this story and it is very likely there will be some unhappiness in Ethan's future. Thank you for your review.

 **InfinityAndOne** , thank you for your review. I know what you mean about the positive side of Ethan's nerves! Cal has become a lot more responsible, but he will still tease and embarrass his brother when the opportunity arises! Ethan really would be crushed if Matilda isn't his - perhaps even more than Cal.

* * *

Cal was used to the working day passing slowly. It always did when he had something interesting to do after work. Between the terrifying fact that Connie was in Resus with him and the fact that seconds could seem like hours when you were waiting for a patient to respond, time didn't exactly go by in a flash.

But at last, the day was over and Cal was walking out of Resus, having for once finishing his shift only five minutes late. He was desperate to see Alicia as he'd hardly had a glimpse of her all day, but there was one very important thing he had to do first.

He called his brother.

"Hi, Caleb," said Ethan. "Everything's fine. You go off and enjoy your date."

Cal frowned. "Are you sure everything's fine?"

"Of course I'm sure!" said Ethan. "What else could possibly go wrong? Matilda's been an absolute angel."

"Ethan, the last time you called Matilda an absolute angel was when she was sick all over your best suit."

Ethan laughed – which was a good sign. "No, she hasn't done anything like that. She's been adorable. Very happy. I've mostly just sung to her and pulled faces."

"Poor Matilda!" said Cal. "As if your face isn't ugly enough already… you do know I'm joking, right?"

"It's sometimes difficult to tell with you, Caleb, but I'll let you off this time," said Ethan. "Just go and have a really good time."

"Promise you'll call me if you or Matilda needs me?"

"I promise," said Ethan. "Now go, before anyone thinks you're asking me for dating advice."

* * *

Ethan couldn't help smiling as he turned back to his daughter. "Honestly, your uncle. Anyone would think he'd never been on a date before… though he hasn't been on one for a while. He went out with a lady called Honey who made him very sad, but he's much happier now. I don't really know Alicia because I've spent so much time with you, but she doesn't seem the type to hurt him."

Matilda looked up at him, her eyes wide.

"He really seems to like her," said Ethan. "It would be lovely to see Uncle Cal happy. He used to treat women badly, but I really think he's changed now. And it would be good of one of us could be happy."

Matilda made a tiny noise and kicked her legs.

"I'm sorry, Matilda. You're absolutely right," said Ethan. "I am happy. I do miss Mummy and I probably always will, but at the same time, I'm the happiest I've ever been." He stroked her soft cheek. "Because I've got you."

* * *

Cal climbed out of the taxi and offered his hand to Alicia.

She blushed as she took it, letting him help her out.

He gazed at her, one hand moving to her cheek as he moved his lips towards hers.

The loud sound of the taxi's horn interrupted them. "Are you going to pay or not?"

"Sh… sugar!" said Cal, feeling very grateful Matilda was in his life and he'd had so much practise in not swearing. He felt in his pocket for his wallet. "Oh no. Where is it?"

"I'll pay," said Alicia quickly.

"No! You can't!" Cal ran his hands through his hair, then checked his pockets again. "It must be here."

Alicia smiled and touched his arm. "I really don't mind."

"No… I can't let you do that!" said Cal desperately.

"Perhaps it fell out in the taxi," suggested Alicia.

Cal opened the door. There was no sign of it on the seat so he bent down, searching the floor. To his great relief, his hands closed on something that felt like his wallet.

At the same time, he heard a tearing sound.

* * *

 _"Someone's been eating my porridge," growled Daddy Bear._

 _"Someone's been eating_ my _porridge," said Mummy Bear._

 _"Someone's been eating_ MY _porridge," said Baby Bear, "and they ate it all up!"_

Ethan was quite getting into doing the voices now. He'd been very embarrassed at first, but Matilda seemed more than happy and it wasn't like Cal was around to tease him.

"This story is so famous, Matilda, astronomers are using the term 'Goldilocks planet' for a planet that could support human life," said Ethan. "It's a planet that's not too hot and not too cold, just like the porridge."

Matilda gave him a look.

"Sorry, Tilly. Daddy will get on with the story," said Ethan meekly. His phone began to ring. "Right after Daddy solves Uncle Cal's latest problem. Hi, Cal. Everything okay?"

"Um, I don't suppose you could bring me a spare pair of trousers?" said Cal.

* * *

Cal got changed in Ethan's car while Alicia got acquainted with Matilda. Alicia had been amazing. She hadn't even laughed at him. She'd been very sympathetic and she'd been glad when he'd called Ethan as she said she didn't want to cancel the date.

Even so, it was very embarrassing, and Cal was sure his face was still brick-red when he finally climbed out of the car.

"Ready?" said Ethan. "Then I'll leave you to enjoy your date."

Cal looked over at Alicia, who was staring into Matilda's eyes and making the most adorable noises he'd ever heard. He turned back to Ethan. "Why don't you and Toad stay and have dinner with us? You did come all this way for me."

"I wouldn't dream of it," said Ethan. "And it's the least I can do after all the support you've given me recently." He patted Cal's arm. "Excuse me, Alicia. Can I swap my brother for my daughter?"

Alicia didn't seem to hear, but when Ethan spoke again, she jumped – though her arms remained securely around Matilda. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Ethan! Of course you can. She's adorable. You must be so proud!"

"I am," said Ethan, kissing Matilda's forehead and holding her close to him. "She makes me so happy. She's my reason for getting up in the morning – well, that is partly because she's usually screaming her head off with a very fragrant nappy, but knowing that she's my daughter and she loves me is more than enough reason for me to get up."

"Oh, that's so sweet!" said a damp-eyed Alicia.

Cal tried to redeem himself by handing her a tissue from Matilda's carrier, only to realise it was a wet-wipe with the words 'Botty Wipe' on it. He quickly stuffed it back into Matilda's carrier.

"Come on, Tilly. Say goodbye to Uncle Cal and… can I say Auntie Alicia?" said Ethan.

"Of course you can!" said Alicia. "I've always wanted to be an auntie. Goodbye, sweetheart. It was lovely to meet you properly. I hope to see you again soon."

"Thanks, Ethan," said Cal, giving his brother a quick hug. He waited till Ethan had driven away. "Well, now you know. Ethan's the competent brother. I'm the screw-up. I'm amazed you're still here at all."

Alicia looked shocked. "You're not a screw-up, Cal! What happened wasn't your fault. And I loved the way you asked your brother for help instead of not caring if the whole restaurant saw your boxers. Most guys wouldn't ask their little brothers for help if it killed them. It's good to meet a man who's prepared to admit to his weaknesses."

"It is?" said Cal, staring at Alicia in amazement.

"Of course it is," said Alicia firmly.

Cal was nonplussed, but he wasn't about to argue. He offered his arm to Alicia. "Shall we?"

"We shall," said Alicia, smiling at him. "Let's forget about all of that and have a good… Cal, mind the-"

"Who put that flipping step there?" said Cal.

* * *

Cal walked Alicia to her door. "I'm sorry about my wallet and my trousers and the step and… well, everything."

Alicia smiled. "I thought we'd agreed to forget about all of that. And you found your wallet." She reached up and touched his forehead. "But you are sure you feel okay? You will tell Ethan if you start to feel dizzy or nauseous or get any other symptoms?"

"I won't need to tell Ethan," said Cal. "He'll know whether I tell him or not. But I'm sure I'll be fine."

Alicia let her hand trail down Cal's cheek. "I hope so. I had such a lovely time, Cal."

"You had _what_?" said Cal.

"I had a lovely time with you," said Alicia. "Why can't you believe that?"

Cal sighed. "Because I lost my wallet; split my trousers; tripped over the step; messed up the table reservation (if they hadn't had that cancellation…); tripped over a chair leg; nearly stabbed a waiter when I knocked my fork off my plate…"

"But none of that matters!" said Alicia. "That kind of thing can happen to everyone. I'm sorry if you didn't have a good time, but I honestly did."

"So… you might want to go out with me again?" said Cal.

"Of course I do!" said Alicia.

"Oh," said Cal, trying to regain his equilibrium. "In that case, maybe…" He kissed her.

Alicia responded shyly and sweetly.

Maybe the evening hadn't been a complete disaster after all.

* * *

Ethan smiled to himself as he got Matilda settled in her cot. He'd never seen Cal like this before. Usually, when Cal told Ethan about his dates, he didn't mention the date part at all and skipped straight to the parts Ethan really didn't want to hear about. But tonight, Cal had talked about the date, which had ended with a kiss.

Ethan was really happy for Cal. Being with Taylor had been so wonderful until it had all gone wrong.

He got into bed and closed his eyes, wondering how long he would sleep for before Matilda needed him.

But it wasn't Matilda who woke him. It was someone knocking on the door.

Ethan grabbed his dressing gown and put it on as he made his way towards the door. It wasn't unknown for the brothers to have visitors this late at night. One of the problems with being a doctor was that whenever one of his neighbours had a health issue, they came to find see and Cal. Ethan didn't mind too much as long as they didn't ask for anything ridiculously intimate. He knew how difficult it was to get a GP appointment - but the neighbours didn't usually visit in the middle of the night.

He opened the door.

"Ethan!" said Taylor, and threw herself into his arms.


	38. Chapter 38

**Bonnie Sveen Fan** , I miss steps a lot too. It's easy to miss steps when you're concentrating on something more interesting and few things interest Cal more than women! Though I think you're right that one woman he definitely wouldn't want to see is Taylor. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , Taylor definitely wants something! And whatever she wants, it probably doesn't involve going back to prison, so from that point of view, it's probably bad news! Alicia did start out being really nice most of the time. But will she stay nice or will she break Cal's heart? Thank you for your review.

* * *

 _No. This can't be true. I must be dreaming._

"I'm so sorry!" said Taylor tearfully. "I couldn't do it, Ethan. I missed you both so much."

Ethan was having trouble speaking. "I can't believe… I never expected…"

"Neither did I," wept Taylor. "I knew she would be better off without me. But I love you both so much, Ethan. I kept dreaming about her. I kept waking up in the night because I thought I'd heard her crying. And then she wasn't there…"

Ethan wondered if he was the one dreaming. "Just let me close the door, Taylor. Okay, let's go and sit down and talk properly."

"Where is she?" said Taylor anxiously. A look of fear came over her face. "Ethan, you did keep her, didn't you?"

"Shh. Yes. Of course I kept her," said Ethan, as he led Taylor over to the sofa. "She's my baby."

* * *

Cal lay still in the darkness and wondered what had woken him. It had interrupted his beautiful and rather naughty dream involving Alicia - and Connie's desk.

He wondered at first if Matilda had woken him, but if so, Ethan had got her off to sleep again very quickly. He lay there for a moment, wondering if he should check everything was okay or let himself sink back into sleep again.

Then he heard a voice he'd never expected to hear again. "Ethan, you did keep her, didn't you?"

Cal had never got out of bed so quickly.

They were sitting together on the sofa. Taylor looked tearful. Ethan just looked stunned.

"What's going on?" asked Cal sharply.

"Taylor's come to see Matilda," explained Ethan. "Could you bring her in here, please?"

"Okay. We've got two choices," said Cal. "Either Taylor leaves right now or I'm calling the police."

"Cal, you can't do that!" said Ethan, a look of pain on his face.

Taylor's sobs were ugly and painful, the sounds ripped from her throat. "I'm sorry about what I did. I thought it was for the best. I wanted Matilda to have a happy life. But I can't be without her. I can't!"

Cal was unmoved. "You don't have the choice anymore. You dumped her on Ethan and walked away."

"I know, and I don't know how I could have done it!" sniffled Taylor. "Please, let me see her. Please."

"No!" said Cal. "You have no right to see her now."

Ethan glared at him. "It's not your decision, Caleb. It's mine. Please bring my daughter to us."

Cal knew he could refuse. But refusing Taylor would hurt Ethan too. He was going to cause Ethan a lot of pain already without adding to it. "Okay, I'll get Matilda for you. But then I'm calling the police."

Taylor looked even more upset. "No! Please don't do that. They'll take me away and I'll never see her. I know I don't deserve to. I abandoned her when I needed her most, but I love her. I want to do this properly. I can't go back to jail!"

"What do you expect me to do?" demanded Cal. "Hide you in my flat for the rest of your life?"

Some of the emotion faded from Ethan's face. He spoke calmly, his arms still around Taylor. "Look. It's too late to discuss it now. We'll all get a good night's sleep and talk in the morning."

"Ethan, I really don't think-"

"Not now, Caleb," said Ethan quickly. "Please."

Cal looked pleadingly at Ethan, but he knew it was no use. "Okay. We'll talk tomorrow."

"Thank you, Cal." Taylor let go of Ethan with obvious reluctance. "And now, can I please see my baby?"

* * *

Ethan awoke to the sound of Matilda crying. He sat up at once, ready to get out of bed and go to her, but then a hand touched his arm and a voice spoke. "Go back to sleep."

Ethan felt the bedclothes move slightly as Taylor got out of bed. He reached for his glasses and watched as Taylor went over to the cot.

"Shh, Matilda. It's okay. Mummy's here," said Taylor softly. She reached into the cot. "What's wrong, sweetheart? Are you hungry?"

She lifted Matilda into her arms and rocked her. Ethan gazed at them, his throat aching as Taylor held Matilda close to her, gently rocking her. They looked so right together. So perfect.

How could anyone tear them apart ever again?

"Ethan, have you got any formula?" asked Taylor.

"I'll get some." Ethan stumbled to his feet and went out of the room, only to meet Cal.

"Where's Taylor?" he asked, his expression darkening.

"In the bedroom with Matilda," said Ethan, trying to walk around him, but Cal caught his arms.

"Ethan, you can't do this. You can't let Taylor develop a bond with her again." Cal's voice softened. "Or with _you_."

Ethan tried to pull away from him. "Taylor is Matilda's mother."

"She's a wanted criminal," said Cal gently. "And we need to call the police."

"Get off me!" Ethan realised his voice was loud and quickly lowered it. "We're not telling the police, Cal. Taylor wants to be a mother to Matilda. She loves her. We can make this work; I know we can."

* * *

Ethan insisted on showing Taylor everything he'd bought for Matilda: all her clothes, books and clothes. Taylor genuinely seemed to love everything and spoke almost constantly to the little girl in her arms. "Oh, I bet you look so beautiful in that dress, Tilly. Oh, and that one's the exact colour of your eyes. And that one's the same colour as Mummy's top! Can she wear that one today, Ethan? Then we'll match and everyone will know she's my daughter."

Cal shook his head in disbelief. Did Taylor seriously think she'd be able to walk the streets of Holby with Matilda in her pram? What kind of bubble was she living in?

More importantly, how did Cal ensure Ethan didn't get sucked into it too?

"Of course she can," said Ethan.

Taylor was smiling at Matilda, her eyes shining as she unbuttoned Matilda's babygro. "There you are. Now let's get this pretty dress on my beautiful girl! Let Mummy just put your arm through here… that's right. Good girl. And where's your other arm? There it is!" Taylor kept Matilda's head supported as she managed to button the dress one-handed. "There. Who's a beautiful little girl then?"

Cal had to look away. Taylor genuinely seemed to love her daughter and it made what Cal knew he had to do even worse.

"Oh, Matilda, Mummy loves you so much," said Taylor tremulously. "Mummy will never, ever leave you and Daddy again." She gave a sob. "Ethan, I love her! I love _you_! How could I ever have left you? I love you both so much."

Cal lifted his head in time to see Ethan brush a tear from Taylor's cheek. "Please don't cry, darling. Everything's okay. You're with me now. And I love you too."

"Ethan, the past few weeks… it's been so terrible."

"I know, darling. But it's over now. You're back where you belong."

"Yes, I'm here," said Taylor, smiling through her tears. "Mummy's here, Matilda. And I'm never going to leave you again."

* * *

Ethan watched as Taylor expertly changed Matilda's nappy. Her time away from her daughter had changed nothing: it was obviously a skill you never forgot.

Taylor was smiling, talking softly to Matilda. "There you are, Tilly. All clean and dry now." She pulled Matilda's dress over her nappy and lifted her high in the air, her face lit up. "I do love that dress on you. Daddy has very good taste."

"Actually, Uncle Cal chose it," said Ethan honestly.

"Then Uncle Cal has very good taste," said Taylor, as she hugged Matilda close to her. She kissed Matilda's head, then smiled over it at Ethan. "What's Cal like as an uncle?"

"He's a brilliant uncle," said Ethan. "He was a bit squeamish about nappies at first, but he does everything now. He's really adapted well and he loves her just as much as I do. He's even trying not to swear in front of her."

Taylor laughed. "He seems like a changed man."

"Oh, he is," said Ethan as he moved closer to her. "I mean, he's still Caleb. He's untidy and crude – though not so much in front of Matilda – and he still gets into the most terrible messes. Last night, he managed to tear his trousers at a restaurant and I had to take him a new pair. But he's been so helpful with Tilly and so supportive. I really couldn't manage without him."

Taylor smiled at him, causing his heart to jump. "I'm so glad you've got Cal. I'm glad you haven't been dealing with this alone."

Ethan only wished he could be sure Cal was still on his side.

* * *

Cal looked down at his phone and sighed. He and Alicia both had the day off today and they'd talked about meeting for lunch, but of course it wasn't an option now. He still didn't know what he was going to do; how long he was going to let this go on for, but he couldn't leave Ethan Ethan was usually the sensible brother, but he was completely blinkered when Taylor was concerned..

It was partly guilt, of course. Ethan was the one who'd reported Taylor to the police in the first place. He'd known it was the right thing to do, but the guilt had been almost too much for him to bear. Cal didn't think Ethan would be able to bring herself to report her again.

So that left Cal – and he knew it was the right thing to do. Not that he wanted Taylor anywhere near Ethan if he could help it, but they had no chance of happiness if Taylor remained on the run. She'd have to stay hidden for the rest of their lives. Probably moving from place to place as they struggled to outrun the past. Ethan would have to lie to almost everyone he spoke to. He'd never be able to cope with that.

And the police would catch up with her in the end and then it wouldn't just be Taylor who was in trouble.

Cal realised his phone had stopped ringing. With a sigh, he called her back. "Hey, Alicia. Sorry I missed your call."

"Hey, Cal." Alicia sounded all shy and hopeful. "Don't worry. You only just missed it. How are you?"

"Great, thanks," said Cal, thinking what a lie it was. Of course, he had a lifetime's experience of lying to women, but this time, it bothered him. "How are you?"

"I'm really good, thank you," said Alicia. "I just wanted to confirm when you were picking me up."

Cal closed his eyes. This was another thing he had a lifetime's experience of: breaking a date. Again, that didn't make it easy. "I'm sorry, Alicia. Do you mind if we give it a miss? Something's come up."

"Oh." Her disappointment was obvious, but then she rallied. "How about tomorrow?"

"I'm really not sure," said Cal regretfully. "I'm sorry, Alicia. I'll call you, okay?"


End file.
